Lived Experience Forum

[TAB]

was nearly sleeping around clock couple months ago @Former-Member  walking back to normal if dont try to increase it too quickly. Prob just dont really want to mow lawn just look at it and think tomorrow every time its really high and when mow it like that its an effort prob dont want to push my luck, guess its not that important to me , even if it's annoying. Anyway have appts tomorrow maybe find out more. GP said think I have some marker that means have to take blood thinners forever Who knows

[Eve7]

I moved out of my big house to a tiny house and bright heaps of stuff with me @Former-Member 

I am trying to de clutter every day up until my baby girl’s anniversary at the end of next week.

My state of mind right now is suited to getting rid of stuff.

[Former-Member]

It's aboain this medical stuff @TAB - thinners forever would be a pain but many are on it, saves lives. Hope apt tomorrow isnt too depressing. Ask about exercise. I've never been very fit, use to mow front & back on different days. and where it was long I'd do half strips. Wish we could organise a working bee for you TAB. Let us know how you go tomorrow 🤗

[TAB]

I got vague answers from GP re exercise she seems to think works not a problem doubt that re mines am high risk already re age etc
Yes could try it a bit at a time guess. Just being cautious dunno. Thanks. Will know more tomorrow

[Former-Member]

Hi @Eve7 - 
I'm sorry your baby girl’s anniversary is upon you. Does the weather bring it back for you too? It's the 'lead-up' that's hardest for me, not just the day. Do you find that? Do you have to work this week as well?  I'm wondering - how does this distressing time / Your "state of mind" help you get rid of stuff" ? is it anger?

😢Our precious girls💗💗 Are you managing? Talk it out here, ill check in every day 🤗
All I can think of with my  hoard is not to leave it with my son to clean up (when I die). But also, its good to try have orderly surroundings, for mental health. A work in progress. 
Hang in there Eve7 💔🛐

[Adge]

Keeping at it is Very Difficult - When not even aware of most of what is happening, or what needs Doing @Former-Member Yes I do have a lot to feel proud of - Yes Dad would be proud (I woud rather have him still here).

Dissociation & Fatigue stop me right in my tracks - As with this Afternoon.

I was totally out of it (total Zombie) less than 1/2-Way through finding & fixing Retic bits.

Kept up pushing through - Bad idea, does not work, makes dissociation & fatigue much worse.

I try to remember to take breaks (rest between).

When very fatigued (or dissociated), this doesn't happen - No stopping, no rest - Cannot even get myself into Bed to go to Sleep (when over-tired).

Then either feel like total collapse - Or Zombie & unable to think (like a Sleep-Walker), for hours.

Thanks Re: Chatting more...

Adge

[Eve7]

Thank you so much for “getting it” @Former-Member  yes to all your questions except “am I managing” no, I’m not. The pain is so wretched and deep. Tonight my breasts ache  like they did when she died because they were so full of milk.

I just want my baby back. I’m sorry, I ‘m saying too much.

I need to hurt myself tonight.

[peacelily]

Hi Eve7 , Im really sorry to hear of your pain and distress tonight. I have sent you an email to check in and follow up

[Former-Member]

Oh @Eve7 - of cause you want your baby back. Please don't hurt yourself. Your baby adored you and wouldn't want this. The physical pain you feel must be like a PTSD thing, a flashback. I'm so sorry 😢. All we can do is manage it, this wretched pain. Mindfulness grounding exercises help me a lot during such vivid flashbacks. I really hope Peacelily could help you a bit tonight. Sorry I missed it earlier. Deep breaths. 💔🙏

[Former-Member]

Hi @Adge, had a great long reply for you in middle of night but phone battery died and I lost it grr. Yes, keeping at it is difficult with health challenges. Sorry you're detaching so much at the moment (dissociation, zombie like). There's triggers everywhere I find. Sounds like you do miss your dad, but I'm confused because didn't he abuse you? Do you need to give him any more of your energy? I donno, just cranky he hurt you so much I guess. What is this "Retic" I must look it up. Taking rest breaks (power naps) is a must when we're struggling.. I only last 2hrs before needing letdown now, back, syncopy or panic, not good. You said "No stopping, no rest Can't Sleep" Are you in hyperdrive? Like 'manic' ? Can't go like that for long. Hope we didn't pressure you. You sound down. Can you bring this up with your GP or psychologist? Try centre yourself often. I should talk, those brewthing meditations help. Maybe have a rest day every 2nd day. I don't have the answers like I did when I was 17 lol Chin up Adge 🤗