SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

[Owlunar]

That sounds like a good idea @Former-Member

I stayed in bed for a long time yesterday - and then watched a DVD and as my DVR is away either being repaired or replaced I watched TV last night - when I might have recorded all those programmes

We need to take it easy after a flash-back - it is a really hard thing to do - get past the past - but we need to go on but let's pick our battles

Just do the right thing for yourself today

Dec

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member

I don't like the wind but I do like all four seasons.

[Former-Member]

Hello @Former-Member

I did not realis that you were struggling so with memories of your daughter.

Sorry too absorbed in my own issues and head elsewhere not connected anyway with lack of sleep for some time now.

I do no know your story and don't have to. I also do not know what it would be like to lose a child to death. I do not believe that there is anything to compare that to.

I do know how sick and loathsome I feel about my son's fears and my inability to help it go away.

I am sending you love and respect from one hurting mother to another and th same to @Owlunar as I am reminded of pain that you too are enduring @Owlunar

@be gentle with yourselves xxx

[Former-Member]

"from one hurting mother to another" wow @Former-Member. hose words are powerful. thank you 💜

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Former-Member

It's good to seed you again - I take it you have had your own stuff happening of late - and trouble with your son as well - 

Winter is a strange time of year - when I taught Christian Education in School I did a lot of visual aids for the little children and told them winter was the time of year when the world would rest waiting for the time of new growth in spring - and I hope that happens to me now

We had such an unusally long period of days when it was mostly sunny and we had some frost - and now it has turned gloomy and damp - I was going away this week but there was trouble with the trains and I do not enjoy sitting up straight for long periods of time - which would have been the case had I gone away and taken the coach which replaces the trains - it would not have been the fun part of my holiday for sure

So considering the weather I am glad I am not away - better in my own home but still - although I got through the anniversary okay I still feel as if I totally lack energy

But otherwise I am okay - and I am glad the days are starting to stretch out that little bit - it makes a difference

I'm glad to see you Mohill

Dec

[Former-Member]

Hi Dec , how ya feeling? I only had a big living flashback this week, you have the whole anniversary thing happening - comes with it's own invasive tsunami of reliving the past. I acknowledge that and hope its passing quickly for you, including the he post fatigue. You do seem to be 'old hat' at it, manage it well. I learn a lot from you, thank you for being here 💜

Yes, and what did we do before TV, DVDs, screens... to distract us? Movies engage all of us I guess, trouble is when we turn it off. Hope you get your recorder, DVD player back from repair soon. I recently bought NEC DVD player from op shop for $10, works fine, plays cassettes too. 

Thanks for reminder to:
"take it easy after a flash-back - it is a really hard thing to do - get past the past - but we need to go on but let's pick our battles"
I agree, knowing when its OK to give in to it a little, and when to push through. Yes, flashback days and anniversary weeks need- self compassion and self care - works best for me, just rest 'till it passes 💜

I didnt know you did Christian RE in Schools. I have done that and taken my guitar along. Using the seasons - winter's rest & spring's rebirth is a great analogy for children - for all of us to remember during tough times (long spiritual winters). Are you there listening here Zoe7?

I have heard about Melbourne weather - sun frost gloomy damp - all in a day sometimes 🌞🍃⛄☔

Sounds like you're being sensible and realistic about your holiday travel, hope that works out soon, when the weathers better as you say 🌄🌞🌅

Like how you write "the days are starting to stretch out that little bit. It does help knowing, but as for me, I don't feel the difference yet 💜waiting 😏

Dec, did you see suzanne has started another thread about WINTER, and ways to cope? I think you might have a fair bit to offer there too.

Lapses🌷🌿🍃

[Former-Member]

Its cold and windy and lonely here today, despite the sunshine. Did cook a little, and shower and washed hair. That's something. I Had to retreat to bed to lay down a few times today with waves of fatigue / fainty - maybe something I ate. Get it sometimes. 

Hi @Owlunar looks like I lost another long post to you just before this one sorry, hope you got it by email, don't know what's going on 😏🌷🌿💜

@Former-Member - have you seen this thread on Winter Blues, the first few pages are good. Go off track a bit ⛄🍃

[Former-Member]

Hello @Owlunar @Former-Member

Grief is extremely wearying and draining as you both know only too well.

Following, trauma, grief, anxiety, depression and other bouts of mental illness comes fatigue. The physical body  acting out the emotional side. Times we must slow down and nurture our souls then we pick ourselves up....".......oh good grief sounds like I am reading this from a book!

it is true though and know that I do not intend to diminish anyone's suffering.

take care all xxxx

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I am sorry you had a flash-back this week and such a bad one - I had a lot of flash-backs from the time around my son's death and my car accident  until I saw a therapist and in time these have become less - but yes - they do happen and it can be very disturbing and leave the feeling that you have been beached by the surf - not a good feeling at all

It's great that I can help - I have been feeling odd this week - with bad weather and having my Digital Video-Recorder break down - I have had it replaced and the new one plays DVDs too - so I can give my old DVD player to my grand-daughter - I was planning to give her one for Christmas so she will get it early.

It has been a long time but I only seem to be "old hat" about it - I get very tired at this time of year which is more than the weather - I sleep a lot and feel I could spend my time more usefully but then - I have learned to sit with my grief and memories and let them have their stay and their say - I have learned these lessons through many years of loss and rejection - there are things I don't write of - life has its lessons though and as time passes we can learn to let time pass - and endure what we are experiencing - and learn - I think - that this is part of our lives

About the screens - you wrote that you have a problem with them - I guess I use the screens to watch what I want to or write what I plan to and play the games I enjoy. I also read a great deal - the difference is between using our time to enjoy or work or - distraction - I don't intend to distract myself with what I do - I have an electronic piano keyboard as well - I only do what I do if I am enjoying it or it is something I have to do.  I do get distracted though

But I do understand what you are saying

Yes  I taught CRE in schools and loved doing it - I used to play the guitar as well and the kids love that. I had to stop playing my guitar because my hands have become arthritic through the years - nothing I can do about that - it's my age - but I can still play my piano and type - and these things are important to me

Long spiritual winters - yes - I know about those. I have also read about "The Dark Night of the Soul" and I have been there. It is not a good idea to go there alone but alas - sometimes we do not have the choice and have to live through such times alone. I have used the experiences - really hard. My faith has never failed me though

It's okay about not going away - when I wake up and hear heavy rain and feel the cold outside I am glad I am at home - it would not have been the best week to go away

However I was talking to someone and he told me about Twofold Bay at Eden on the NSW coast and I am thinking about going there - it looks fantastic - I have been to Eden once and I did not get the chance to look around but I intend to go there in the future. Next winter I might try and get to Warrnambool to see the whales - I have been to Warrnambool in winter before but I didn't see the whales - I think there are more there now - something to check out

Thanks for your messages and feedback Lapses

Dec

[Former-Member]

Lovely post Dec, you're in good form today ☺

Thats one of the good things with maturity - wisdom, foresight hindsight... so much 'lived experienced' (real), I AM glad you're here and so giving 💜

I just got back from work, rewarding myself for going with one of those packet mocha & early tea (missed lunch) ♨

The back pain is manageable atm, surprising, normaly terrible, maybe because I came home earlier, didn't shop or go to library  and keeping up with regular otc analgesia today.. Sometimes it hits me after a rest, but must be positive 🌞

Today at work i was being mindful of how tight I hold my muscles, especially the shoulders - so took deep breaths now and then flopped that tension out a few times, and I had magnesium earlier. Still trying to find what works as I can't take antiinflammatories or some of the latest fandangle analgesic trends that clash with my antidepressant grr. 😏

My S3 rang last night, always love his calls, but he told me he's trying herbal antidepressants sjw/val. Guess that's his way of saying he's struggling with the depression again 😟 Still worry too much about losing another child, best not go there but it niggles in the bac of my mind. It DOES happen to me, my family :(does lightening hit somewhere twice?). S3 seems to be going so well on the outside - hlpushes himself i guess, diet, exercise, work. Misses his lost love of 5yrs (broke up Jan). And his age - I had my first major depressive episode (breakdown / hospitalised) at his age, hope he's stronger than I was. Worries me, but praying. He's booked a holiday in NZ next month, planning to visit home here next w'end, but I must go to his place more often. He does have friends 💜💞

My 🐶 dog was super pleased to see me come home tonight - like your cat - all over me, anyone would think I've been gone for a week. But he's settled now, snuggled up beside me sleeping. Found him a really cute jacket this year.

Very chilly here tonight 🌷🌿