Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script

[BPDSurvivor]

Thank you so much for sharing @Judi9877 ! What an incredible way to detail your journey - in a blanket! 

I attended this year's Spectrum conference today. Rita Brown, president of The Australian BPD Foundation, spoke about creative therapies in BPD recovery. Your work definitely falls into creative therapy @Judi9877 !

Pets and 'trampolining' were also highlighted and seen as therapy beyond the conventional. But what I found most interesting, and resonated with me most, was the idea that peer support/helping others was also seen as 'therapy'. I have found this element most helpful in my BPD recovery journey.

Also, I'd like to mention how glad I am you could stay in PARCs. PARCs have played a HUGE part in my recovery. In PARCs, I felt I could be myself. I was heard and listened to without judgment. It taught me to reach out. It taught be to speak of my experiences openly. Prior to PARCs admission, I was too afraid to speak openly about my struggles with BPD. In total, I've had 5 admissions into PARC over the course of my recovery. Each time was better than the last and I really had time out to work on my recovery goals.

Today, I read a statement to the Royal Commission, advocating for pwBPD. A highlight in that was the use of services such as PARCs and PAPU (over inpatient psychiatric units) to support those with BPD.

I've got so much to share and celebrate as part of BPD Awareness Week. 

Once again, I'm so glad to see you back and on board! Happy BPD Awareness Week!

BPDSurvivor

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@Faith-and-Hope @LostAngel @Sphinxly @Emelia8 @TAB 

[Judi9877]

Good evening @BPDSurvivor @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Oaktree @Former-Member @HenryX @Daisydreamer @cloudcore and everyone here! 

I'd like to mention a BPD episode that happened to me yesterday - Saturday- in relation to my psychologist cancelling our appointment (I thought it was meant to be yesterday but got the dates confused) and how I handled myself and the situation. Basically I thought we were meant to catch up after me leaving PARCS on Wednesday and was looking forward to our phone appointment. Anyway, I waited 30 mins before emailing him and found out that it was meant to be next week and not yesterday so you can imagine my disappointment when the email came back with the new date and time. Now, yes I was upset because I had so much to tell him after not speaking to him for 2 weeks despite emailing him stuff all thoughout my PARCS stay and was upset which caused me distress in a major way. I thought that maybe this was a test or challenge that he'd set up to test my BPD coping skills and to see what I'd do such as go down the potential self harm road or get angry and do who knows what (the old girl would've done this in the past before my recent admission to hospital and PARCS) and with that in mind, I made up my mind to prove him wrong with my behaviour. Yes, I wanted to send him an email telling him I was angry and upset and let him know the truth about several things and in my head for the rest of the night, I must've mentally sent him endless emails, however, I never physically did send him anything which I believe was a massive achievement on my behalf. I had to think of the consequences of actually doing that behaviour which would've potentially caused some bad issues for me such as him ending the therapeutic relationship altogether which I didn't want or need after what I'd been through over the past 5 weeks so I chose not to go down that path. Instead, I chose to knit a beanie, go for a drive and listen to some music as well as voice my concerns to my sister and housemate instead. Oh, and I also placed a booktopia order for 2 books that I forgot to order earlier in the week when I placed an order for some uni textbooks. The end result is I got through the episode in a safe and somewhat rational way and I'm proud of myself for achieving this.

The way I look at the situation is as follows:

- My psychologist could've honestly messed up the appointment time and date which can and does happen to everyone;

- The phone connection was bad when he last spoke to me so maybe I misheard him and got the date wrong;

- Maybe this was a test for me set up by him as I stated earlier and in that case, I'd like to have thought I passed it;

- Maybe he wanted to see how I would go after catching up when I'd spent 10 days back in the community instead of just the 3 which would've been yesterday and we'd have more things to discuss at our next appointment instead?

Whatever the motive or objective was is something I'll have to wait and find out when I next speak to him. The main thing is, I look at it that I've handled 2 weeks without speaking to him over the phone so what's another week in the scheme of things? It just means that I've been able to deal with BPD and all her little games and I've gotten through it without resorting to bad past behaviours. I know I'm stronger now and that was clearly shown yesterday about how I handled the BPD episode. Admittedly, going internet shopping probably wasn't an ideal coping mechanism but the books I ordered 'So Much to Tell You' and 'Looking for Alibrandi' were important to me and books that I needed to replace as I'd lost them so I justified it to myself that way and I had the cash to do so. Besides, one of my favourite quotes comes from Looking for Alibrandi which is 'Sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to. And sometimes when they don't, they can turn out a little bit better'. That's the way I'd like to look at the appointment confusion yesterday. Maybe my psychologist cancelled to try and teach me something about my BPD and my coping or distress tolerance skills that he wanted me to learn for myself and in that case, I learnt that although I wasn't happy with him, I got through it and I survived quite well. 

What do others think? Did I do the right thing? What would you have done in my situation? Some feedback would be much appreciated here please! 

Thanks for reading this! Stay safe and take care!

Judi9877☺️💐

[BPDSurvivor]

Wow @Judi9877 !

I feel like you've just written about me!

You definitely did the right thing. I'm so proud of you. It is indeed a huge achievement for someone with BPD. Well done! And thank you so much for sharing - it is a comfort to know that others go through the same thing.

As I read your post, I had two similar incidents last week. My former self would have flown into a rage, but the new me did otherwise.

I phoned up the clinic for my long-time psychologist and asked the receptionist for an appointment for Tuesday if anyone cancelled. Otherwise could my psychologist give me a quick 5 min call as I had something important to tell him. The receptionist said 'it should be no problem'.

On the Tuesday, I waited.... and waited.... and waited. I kept telling myself that my psychologist was busy. Minutes ticked by. Hours ticked by. After hours ticked by. I was so hurt that he didn't call. The reason for my call was that I wanted him to attend a mental health conference I was presenting at as I wanted to acknowledge his contribution in my recovery. To me, it was supposed to feel like a dad watching his daughter graduate. But it didn't happen.

Even during the conference, I wished above wish that I'd see his name in the participants' list. I didn't. I was so hurt. I wanted to phone up the receptionist and tell her to cancel all my future appointments. I wanted to SH. I wanted to yell at him and tell him how hurt I was with the intention of him feeling horrible.

But I didn't.

Like you @Judi9877 , I took a step back and reflected on the possible reasons my psychologist did not call me:

- he was on 'dad' duties during the holidays and wasn't at work

- the receptionist didn't give him a clear message

- he didn't receive the message 

- he was running severely behind schedule

- there was an emergency

Whatever the real reason, I'll need to wait to find out when I see him next. Rather than me jumping to conclusions and making assumptions, I will wait to clarify it with him.

@Judi9877 @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Oaktree @BlueBay @Determined @ShiningStar 

[Judi9877]

Hi @BPDSurvivor @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Oaktree @Former-Member @Daisydreamer @cloudcore and all forumites here. Just thought I'd post a photo of a beanie I started knitting on Saturday after having a BPD episode about my psychologist. I finally finished it just before and believe it's relevant to the BPD Awareness week of Creative Wellbeing where I used my emotions for good! 
Knitting a beanie makes me focus on the pattern and helps me with my emotional regulation skills which is essential for people with BPD to learn and understand. I made several of these beanies at PARCS when I was there for 2 weeks and found them to be very therapeutic for me as it also helped ground me and keep me in control of my emotions. 

I hope you like my beanie!

Take care and enjoy the rest of your day!

Judi9877☺️💐🧶

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️👍 @Judi9877 .....

[BPDSurvivor]

That's sensational! @Judi9877 

Absolutely love it! It's great to see you use creative therapies as part of your mental health and recovery. 

I'm not very good at knitting. My sister bought me a knitting machine, but I even failed using that! To be honest, I don't think I gave the machine the time it needed.

Looking forward to seeing your future creations!

BPDSurvivor

Hi @Faith-and-Hope !

[Faith-and-Hope]

👋💕 @BPDSurvivor ..... 

A lot of these behaviours are challenging in extended family members, with no diagnoses involved, so strategies and the voice of experience are very helpful.  Thank you ❣️

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope ,

Diagnoses can direct people to potentially helpful treatments, but are not the be-all and end-all.

The important thing is for therapy to be person-centred as opposed to therapy-centred. What is it that the person requires? What is the individual's starting point?

These questions are more helpful than, "What label does he/she have?"

I hope you find some helpful info here. Please reach out if you have any other questions 🙂

BPDSurvivor

[HenryX]

Hello  @Judi9877 

With reference to the issue, about the timing of the appointment with your psychologist, that you posted yesterday.

I do find it interesting that in the commencement of your observations, about the incident, you referred to it as "a BPD episode". I wonder whether each situation, in which you have a decision, or decisions to make, between alternatives is identified as a "a BPD episode"?

What you wrote appears to me to indicate that you dealt with the situation appropriately. You considered the possibilities and resolved how you were going to deal with the situation, as it presented to you. Then you made a conscious decision, about how you were going to respond to the situation, and acted on that decision.

The rumination about possibilities is something that I can very much understand and with which I can also identify. Consideration, given to a situation, allows us the necessary time and space to evaluate the position and come up with a response. Unfortunately, I sometimes continue to mull over all the possibilities, even after I have made and acted on a decision. The intention seems to be the checking and rechecking of the validity and appropriateness of my response, rather than having dealt with it and then moving on. Do you sometimes act in that fashion?

You have very clearly written what has happened and your response. I believe that having done so is very positive because you have not let the situation develop to a state of turmoil, which may then have been justifiably described as a "a BPD episode". Instead, you have been able to present the details of both the event and your response, in the description given in your post, very clearly and precisely which, I think, makes it an event in your day.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Judi9877 @BPDSurvivor @HenryX 

I've had similar situations where I have left messages to my GP and he hasn't got back to me.  I wait and wait and wait.  The next day and I am still waiting.  But my anger is progressively getting worse.  By this stage I hate him, will never go back.  why couldn't he call me back.  and then after a while (hours/day) i think ok - maybe he didn't even get my message; or perhaps he was really busy and didn't have time.

But gee that anger increases within minutes.