Jealous

[Cats101]

I'm getting so jealous of my friends and getting so angry with myself, I'm 20 years old and still on my learners and yet my friends younger then me have got there red ps, I just want to yell but also get my red ps but somthings holding me back and I don't know what it is ?

[Jynx]

Hey @Cats101 I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with jealousy, it is such a tough one hey. I think especially with driver's licence stuff, it's such a milestone, and there's also a freedom and independence that comes with it - so it's no wonder there's some challenging emotions coming up for you. 

In my experience, jealousy is a secondary emotion (i.e. an emotion stemming from another, deeper emotion), and usually stems from fear, e.g. in relationships, jealousy typically arises from someone fearing the loss of the relationship. I wonder if it is worth spending some time with your emotions and reflecting on whether there's something deeper going on? 

Another thing to remember is that everyone hits milestones at their own pace! There's absolutely nothing wrong with being on your L's in your 20's. If it makes you feel any better, one of my closest friends only just got his P's - and he's 38! Not hitting milestones at the same time as your friends doesn't mean something is wrong with you or that you're behind or anything, just means you're doing things at your own pace - which is the only way to do them if we wanna avoid burning ourselves out! None of your friends have had to navigate whatever life circumstances you have had to, so maybe they faced fewer barriers or they might have had extra support from somewhere that you didn't have. That's why there's the saying, 'Comparison is the thief of joy'. The only person we should ever be comparing ourselves to is our past self, to see how we've grown. 

Keep at it! I'm sure you'll be on the road flying solo (driving solo?) before you know it 😉💜

[MJG017]

Hi @Cats101.  Sorry to hear you're having such a frustrating time.  I'm just wondering if you're still on your L's because you got them later than everyone else or you're having problems moving up to your P's.  I only ask this to better understand (is it a timing or a practice issue?) because you mentioned something unknown is holding you back. It reminded me that I got my L's a couple of years later than my friends.  They got theirs as soon as they turned 16.  I didn't have a car at the time so I didn't see the point, 20 I was closer to 18 when I got my L's.  There was no minimum time back then that you had to be on your L's so getting your P's was a lot easier and faster back then.

I do think some jealousy is normal though... as long as we don't get to obsessed with it.  It's a massive milestone in life and one of the first big ones we have.  Seeing your friends driving themselves around would be frustrating for sure.  I think the trick is to not let that frustration affect your progress to getting your P's. It can be like anything in life, we get so frustrated with something we are trying to accomplished that we can end up making it hard for ourselves. 

So try not to let the jealousy get the better of you and try not to be too angry with yourself, you'll get those P's soon.  If you think there is something more going on that is causing any of this, let us know a bit more and we'll do our best to help.

[balance37]

I don't think getting your red P's needs to be something that is rushed, but I can understand the jealousy. Jealousy isn't necessarily a bad thing though, it is an emotion that shows you that someone has something or has achieved something that you would also like to, so you can use it as motivation. On a side note, I'm 37 and just got my L's. Driving is a life skill and it doesn't need to be rushed.

[Cats101]

I think part of why I can't move on is because I'm afraid of what I'll do if I get that freedom to drive my self, I'd be on my own, and with the way I am, I don't think that's a safe option, or maybe it's because I'm afraid of what I could do, I don't know, I just don't know anything any more.