Fragile

[PeppyPatti]

Didn't you start it AND live through it hey 

@Appleblossom I cannot believe I was so damn defensive and left Sane for about 4-5 years. 

Today after sacking yet another carer iv begged for @Glisten  to 

Imagine spending some time with me. Shelle probably laugh at me. 

You see what happened was

My last carer heard my story-- admittedly I just had you know the anaesthetic stuff to put you to sleep before being operated on and I go crazy for a few months after that......

She was calling me all damn day !!

She was wanting to be e with me even when she wasn't being paid !! 

[outlander]

how is everyone going?

@PeppyPatti @Appleblossom @Glisten @tyme and all who may be passing through

[rav3n]

hey @outlander how are you going? 

[Appleblossom]

@PeppyPatti You did what you felt you needed to do 

it can take courage posting online and being personal 

I am glad you are back 

I have had an up and down day 

but it has been a working through things day

we need to accept some things are harder

sometimes I can get intense

sometimes things are settled 

At least tonight I feel reasonable and calm 

I am cautious about getting too confident 

[Glisten]

😂 @PeppyPatti I’m laughing with you.

We both know that I can barely take care of myself, let alone someone else.

It’s funny, because it’s true.

I need to marry a rich farmer.

[Appleblossom]

I often feel so vulnerable that try not to waste peoples time.  I feel overlooked and feel pushed out very easily, even when for example, people do not respond or leave me out on this thread. I know many people need far more than I do. I know many people have more popular personalities than I do. Story of my life, not feeling seen or heard or cared about. @tyme  you have helped me.

 I did start this thread as a shy necessary outlet as self care and care for my son. So that we had a chance of survival with all the premature deaths that I have mostly been silenced about speaking about.

@tyme @rav3n 

I am glad Sane eventually began the Guides roles and peer workers etc 

it was very necessary as so many posts were left in the vacuum 

or people would be insensitive to each other 

in many ways the forums culture has improved from 10 years ago 

Yesterday I watched SBSon demand 

Maxima… the story behind the current Dutch Queen…. I found it nuanced and interesting grappling with political and cultural issues 

Then I began Sweet As…. WA indigenous story of troubled youth…. I have watched most indigenous series and movies…. As I can relate to them often better than so called white culture….

but the brown girl just told off a white boy for being a cry baby … when he struggled a lot with suicidal tendencies 

so so many things can trigger me… I can’t tell whether something will help anchor me in healthy sense of identity… as in I am familiar with the issues… or it is too much 

had to stop watching it…. My finish it later… or not 

I have psychologist online in a minute 

[Emelia8]

@Appleblossom 🌸👂💞

[rav3n]

really appreciate your vulnerability @Appleblossom feeling unseen and unheard is such a painful feeling to experience, and when we see other people not being heard/seen - even if it's just in tv shows/movies, it hard not to feel triggered. i'm glad you were able to look after yourself and take a break. 

sometimes i think that when i'm triggered, it's my protective instincts coming through. i don't want others to feel invisible, i don't want others to get hurt and feel alone in their pain. it's hard when you see it on tv, you can't jump into the screen and support them. maybe you're like me, maybe you care so much and don't want others to go through the same pain you did? sometimes caring and being emotional is viewed as 'weak' or 'fragile' but i think its a rare beauty to be able to have so much love in our hearts. its a strength to be able to express and share it 💙

[Dimity]

Hearing you and honouring you @Appleblossom @rav3n 

[rav3n]

hope you're doing okay 💙 @Dimity