Family separation

[john74]

Hi it's been a tough fathers day for me second year without hearing from my adult kids after the nasty marriage breakdown and divorce involving domestic violence against me by my ex wife. I am very down because l care and think about my kids every day and l have a granddaughter that l haven't seen for 2 years also. I feel my ex wife is controlling the kids having turned them against.me .I worry about my granddaughter growing up without her grandfather because my daughter is too selfish to allow her to see me. I have never hurt anyone but l feel like l am.such a bad dad and l hate to think what crap my granddaughter is being told.It takes away meaning to my life. I doubt the situation will ever improve. Why why do people still hurt me???

[tyme]

Hey @john74 ,

I'm hearing what you are saying. You are not alone. I hear similar stories all the time. I sounds so painful. 

Despite your ex potentially having turned your children away, do you think that at some point, they will ask?

At this time, I hope you can focus on yourself and look after yourself.

I hear how hard it is. 

[Leeanne1]

Hi @john74 

It's hard not seeing grandchildren I have 5 that I can't see . Because of there grandfather sorry to hear that 

[Bon_courage]

@john74 Sorry to hear about your situation John.

Birthdays, special days like Father's Day and other celebrations can be extremely hard.

I recall having to brace myself for those days (and find ways to not let the sadness creep too much inside me).

I'm a male in my 50s who years ago went through a difficult separation. I relate to some of the things you're experiencing.

I hear that you care about your children and granddaughter. I think it's wonderful that you reached out here. Every little bit can help and while it may not solve things in the immediate, when it comes to kids, I think it is the long-term game that matters the most.

Take care.

[PeppyPatti]

Dearest @john74 @Bon_courage @Leeanne1 @tyme @Appleblossom @Jacques 

It's taken me many many years to come to grips that my mother successfully turned my brother's and stepfather against me and took my two sons away from me when they both turned 15. 

Then she manipulated me to lose my home. 

Gave the bulk of interest to my stepfather for his business and live on the rest. This is an old story, I'm well over it but there you go. 

I feel the only only thing you can do is wipe your eyes and work very hard on becoming the best you can be.

It took me years to be this.  

 I think the best thing I did was own and enjoy my work which was cleaning houses and forgive myself for some past very  strange behaviour. The strange behaviour was affected to my friends as she took my sons away. There was nothing I could do without stopping my sons from getting extremely upset.

Every day, becoming the best you can be. 

 So I havent seen my youngest son for 4 years. He is 30. 

I practically stopped me from doing anything. 

But I got up and listened to this guided meditation. I could only listen to the beginning for months, it was too hard to listen to. I lay down and did it and stopped because it was too hard but I  perseverered.

On my youngest son - 

My mother stopped him for seeing me for 5 years. After  I saw him, he went through a series of little nervous break downs for a while before her interference stopped him from seeing me again.

. https://youtu.be/DW0G5u1uziM?si=GknpqNggMO0Uq5Zo

 It was even worse because my youngest son was battling illness and I was single. He was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour at 3 years old. A glioma. The tumour stopped growing  when he turned 11  and then he went through 5 years at high school of the shunt stopping working. That was 4-5 major operations.

I can't even talk about my oldest son without going back to bed. 

Today, I'm in a good place. My youngest son  contacted me Saturday night to catch up for coffee on Friday .

@Jacquesand @Appleblossom   knows my story well-- they have  supported me through some tough times. Apologies for the length

[Leeanne1]

@PeppyPatti 

So I still have hope for my boys and my youngest daughter to still talk even if it's been 4 or more years I miss my grandchildren. It's very hard I feel it's my fault and I feel so gaulty

[Leeanne1]

@PeppyPatti

It was my husband that turn my children against me 

[PeppyPatti]

It's not your fault.

@Leeanne1 

You are gentle 

You are kind. 

Not everyone is. 

In family dynamics everyone has their own little version that is windy and it all goes in different directions. But people who have agendas, well that sucks. 

You and I can sit around and discuss our childhood wounds or we can learn how to take little steps tomorrow. 

Do you agree ?

I'm mindful that we talk about our wounds I'm mindful that we discuss how to get on with the day 

@Shaz51   @ENKELI  @tyme  @RiverSeal @@creative_writer @ @Ainjoule @StuF @  Re: Good Morning! @Emilia8 @oceangirl @ @Appleblossom 

[creative_writer]

@Leeanne1 you didn’t deserve that, sitting with you 💖🫂

[ENKELI]

Hey @Leeanne1 I know your pain. Don't ever feel guilty for the pain caused by others. 

You are much loved 😍