Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?

[Dimity]

Hugs @scruffypuffball it's not easy. I'm still dealing with my parents' stuff years later. I avoided it for a long time.

With my back garden after months of looking I got an Airtasker for a few hours. When some of the family heard they came for a day and we bonded as much as worked. 

With the house the best place to start is the corner in front of you. My psychologist said the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a  time, and to aim for 8 things at the start. I've lapsed but for ages I'd get half an hour or an hour's decluttering done each day. I've been trying to get back to that... it was comforting to know I was making the effort. There was often emotional processing involved, which was why I couldn't do more. 

I had a crappy childhood too, and a dysfunctional family. It's still hard to let go. And sometimes stuff can be a protective shell. Grieve as much as you need to, but let yourself grow towards to the light.

I haven't posted on my thread The magic of tidying for a while but you'd be welcome there. It was inspired by Marie Kondo. She said it's easier to work by category,  and to start with clothes. I also liked the inherent respect she had for things, and her suggestion that we can thank things for their (past) service even as we let them go. 

[scruffypuffball]

@Dimity thanks for the post I appreciate it.  When you said "after months of looking" did you mean it was hard for you to find a gardener that you trusted or was reliable.  Just wondering...

[Dimity]

Yes @scruffypuffball it was very hard to find someone I trusted. Some were impossible (like the person who was usually a caterer who said he'd stand on the roof and spray weedkiller) some turned the job down and some said they'd do it in a couple of months (it was nearing Christmas).

Do persevere,  and do consider letting your friends help. You can repay them by catering on the day. I was soooo grateful for the help. 

[NatureLover]

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@Dimity wrote:

I've given up on my psych, she's not coming through with paperwork and I've already reached out to someone else to ask their availability.  

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Oh no, @Dimity  - sorry to hear this! I hope your second choice is available 🤞

I was happy with the food bank drop-off and my psych appt, thanks. Plus I dropped a small box to the 3rd Opp Shop I tried - the first 2 weren't taking donations. 

I've also designated the bottom shelf of a tall cupboard as my 'donations' area, instead of having one or two boxes sitting in my small lounge-room, which was something my psychologist was unhappy about. The system worked well for me - I put the item in the box immediately, not to be thought about again. So now hopefully this will work well too, although if it's not in an actual box I might have to make the decision again about the same item, and risk keeping the item after all...hmmm. I'll have to see how it works. 

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@Dimity wrote:

I mean it when I say "well done" @NatureLover I think you do an amazing job considering your challenges.

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Thanks for your very kind words ❤️ I appreciate them lots. 

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@Dimity wrote:

I'm juggling several balls atm - just relieved to make it through the week. Actually looking forward to tidying and garden, things I can do something about if I try. 

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I know it's been a busy and tough week for you...well done for making it to the end. Good luck today with whatever you choose to do - I hope you can get out into your garden and enjoy yourself 🙂

[Dimity]

Well I coasted through the day @NatureLover without achieving anything. Maybe recovery. I'd like to do more tomorrow. 

Glad you did some dropoffs. 

Maybe you could fit a box on that shelf? It's good your psychologist is suggesting some new ways of looking at things. It would be nice to have your loungeroom as tidy as your bedroom. Unfortunately all my rooms need attention! 

Time to do some goal-setting again. Tomorrow I'd like to take out a rose-bush and prune two others. I've left it late in the season. Inside I'd like to declutter but think I'll need to start by cleaning and tidying. And I'll try to draw breath and do something contemplative. 

Hope your weekend has been and continues good.

[NatureLover]

Hi @scruffypuffball , I meant to reply to you yesterday but my mind is like a sieve 😞

Your situation sounds difficult. Would it help to think that maybe your parents' clothes could help someone else keep warm / go for interviews / or whatever? Please ignore if not helpful. 

The other thing you could consider is keeping one item of clothing in each category, like one dress, one jacket, one pair of trousers etc. Or maybe taking photos of the clothes before you donate them? (Not sure if that would be traumatic)

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@scruffypuffball wrote:

I hope the bad feelings go away and I am able to somehow be productive.

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I hope so...sending good wishes your way... 

[NatureLover]

@Dimity  I think we need slower days occasionally. At least one every week, for me 😄

You've got a good memory that my bedroom's always neat. Yes, I thought about putting a box on that cupboard shelf, and I have one the perfect size to fit, at the moment. But what happens when I take that box to the Opp Shop? The next box might not fit. And if I keep that box always there on that shelf, and transfer the items to another box just to drop them off, then I'm getting a second look at those items, something that might cause me to keep them. Hmmm. I think I might try it anyway, keeping the box on the shelf.

Does cleaning and tidying get you motivated to do decluttering at all? Such as making one small area tidy? 

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@Dimity wrote:

Hope your weekend has been and continues good.

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I actually stood up for myself with 2 different people yesterday, making not such a good day. One accepted it; the other didn't accept it and got very angry and said nasty things. However, I didn't get upset and end up in tears like usual...I'm hoping that's progress. It was still uncomfortable though. I didn't achieve much on the house, so today after grocery shopping I need to make a big effort. Not really feeling strong today though, so it could be difficult.

I hope you enjoy pruning and doing the rose bushes today. And the contemplation. I find contemplation helps me but I often forget to do it. I'm glad to hear you're doing the goal-setting, not because of the goals themselves but because it might mean you're feeling a bit stronger??

Am grateful for our ongoing conversation, thank you ❤️ 

[Dimity]

Thanks @NatureLover I appreciate the connection too.

Standing up for yourself isn't easy. I don't do it often either,  and feel I've overreacted especially if it's unwelcome. 

Today was another slow day, as I'm still feeling depleted, but I'm happy that I dealt with the roses. I couldn't/didn't work in the house. You're right that it feels like progress to be thinking about goals again. I do need to catch up on chores before tackling the decluttering backlog. I'm not good at creating a tidy space as it then becomes a workspace for the next stage. Maybe unstashing stuff into my living area is a mistake. 

Tomorrow will have to be housework. Anything else will be a bonus.  

Hope you have a good day at work.

[NatureLover]

@Dimity  Well done on dealing with the roses. That reminds me I need to prune the 5 rose bushes here in the communal garden. I guess we have the opposite thing to you - here only me and one other lady do the garden, mostly me, and we like the messy bush garden. (We all rent here.) Luckily no-one is trying to make it into a neat looking garden, which would be impossible anyway. And I do the bare minimum, as I don't have much energy. Mainly watering and pruning. It's occurred to me how lucky we are that that is our situation, after hearing about yours 😞

I agree, chores come before decluttering. 

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@Dimity wrote:

I'm not good at creating a tidy space as it then becomes a workspace for the next stage. Maybe unstashing stuff into my living area is a mistake.

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This was an interesting thought. (I find psychology fascinating.) I might ponder this more, regarding my own motivations /lack of. 

I've decided what to do about that expensive $7 per bar soap that didn't make me itchy at all. I'm going to buy 4 bars of it, and just keep them for when I'm overly itchy and need to get my hands healed up. Meanwhile I'll continue with the soap trials every 2 weeks. 

Thanks for your good wishes. Work's a bit stressful at the moment. However while I'm there I do forget all my troubles, as it's always so busy. 

Hope you have a satisfying day today...

[Dimity]

I guess when I was looking after it the garden was bushy and organic with ground covers and tufties as well as bushes and trees, plus a lawn area @NatureLover . Not "neat".

Glad you can forget your troubles at work. I had a stressful day with a lot of interruptions and strange happenings... we've had noisy digging and drilling equipment for days then today we also had firetrucks attending a petrol spill. A workman told me something the energy company said was spurious. My neighbour kept calling and coming over, my sister reported a change in her treatment plan, and my diagnostic report was released from embargo. All told I thought I'd lost the plot and started to panic. 

Tomorrow I hope to do some housework before my helper arrives. After our time together she was going to drop me at a community group but I can't face it at the moment. 

I desperately need to sort myself and my stuff and find a rhythm in my days. Other people have talked about decluttering in terms of finding/making a sanctuary. For me having stuff offsite and getting it from there has become frightening, and the stuff at home is daunting. 

Tomorrow should be easier, and I'll begin again.