A long rave

[greenpea]

@Mazarita Thanks Mazzy. I knew you would put my mind at ease. On the one hand I have my family saying leave everything in the past on the other I have pdoc revisiting wounds which I do not want opened again for fear of it happening all over again.... I will do as you say just to clarify what she meant. I remember the pdoc in hospital made a comment about my feelings of my actions and I drew a blank I couldnt remember anything that I did ... you have to live it dont you to know what it is truly like.

[greenpea]

@Mazarita Mazzy it is 2am in another 3 hours I can go out for a morning walk without the risk of being attacked lol. I wish I could go out now ... we have alot of problems with crack  users in our area so I wouldnt go out earlier on a Sunday morning by myself.

[Mazarita]

That's true about need to living with things to understand properly sometimes, @greenpea. I also get what you mean about not remembering some things. I too have a blank about some of what I did (or said) at times of extreme behaviour. That's because I was in the grip of a rollercoaster of emotion that was really extreme to the extent I had little control and just 'snapped'. For me, when I have a brain snap, it's often almost like an episode when I am essentially 'out of my mind'. Hard to reclaim stuff from times when we were in that kind of state. Some of it I do remember though, and it makes me never want to revisit that, and it keeps me on meds, because I never want to treat other people the same way again, especially the verbal abuse I dished out to loved ones. 

[Mazarita]

Yes, @greenpea, I've got a video on the go. Spent most of yesterday working on it. Still quite a way to go with it though, just being patient with the process. 

[greenpea]

@Mazarita 'Out of my mind' 'brain snap' those words are so true ... same for me.

I have a question for you Maz in NSW just in the past week the government has passed a law which now prohibits the use of mental illness being used in criminal offences. What are your feelings on this? I have aways disliked the way that mentally ill people are incarcerated amongst the general prison population but I know it is a tricky one.

[greenpea]

@Mazarita You are a clever lady with all these videos that you do. I wish I could see it. I have knitted my son who is here from Europe a scarf I will show you a pic of it 🙂

[Mazarita]

Great that your son is here from Europe, @greenpea! So cool that you knitted them a scarf. Yes, send through a pic. 

With that other thing you mentioned, about mental illness being no defence in a court of law, sounds pretty unreasonable if applied in a general way. I get it that society at large needs some protection from people who are violent and a danger to others. But there are many situations that are not so black and white. Prison surely is not going to be much help to anyone with MI, that seems pretty clear.

[Mazarita]

@greenpea, I'm glad you wait until it's close to first light at least before you go out on your night time walks. I like to think of the pea being safe. 

[greenpea]

@Mazarita Yes re: mi and prison bp and schiz are definately not right for prison as far as I am concerned. When I think of the wild things that I did I could have ended up in all sorts of trouble because of being sick and what good would prison have been for me .... nothing. It made me sad when I heard the government had done that we desperately need labor back in again in NSW.

Here is the scarf 🙂 it gets to -20 degrees in the winder where he lives!!scarf for son1

[Mazarita]

Looking forward to the picture clearing moderation, @greenpea. 

How has your night been? Have you had any sleep yet? I've had about 3 hours so far.