A calmer rave...
Awake at 3am after the familiar four hours sleep and then wide wake. Very weird and vivid dreams of an abstract kind, impossible to put into words.
My high anxiety continues over the sale of the rental flat I am living in. But, with mum and friend here from interstate, the days are so unusually full of talk that I have little time for my usual introspection, which is a relief for now. However, I am experiencing a lot of generally unbalanced feelings and social anxiety, and struggle to keep it properly together, even with mum and friend. What tends to happen is that I become increasingly 'poker-faced' and 'still' on the outside, while my nervous system goes haywire on the inside. One manifestation of this is that I have been overheating and sweating at the drop of a hat, all day and night. This is partly related to menopause but it's all been ramped up to the max. Another manifestation of my current high nervous state is that, as soon as I came home for a couple of hours yesterday, I instantly fell asleep.
Spent two chunks of four hours apiece with them at their holiday unit, within an easy walk of our place. Mum's endless chattering was very wearing, as it always has been. But love that she is here and really want to make it as good a visit for her as possible. Friend and I went for a walk on the beach together for a little while, leaving mum to read a book. This friend is my oldest friend. We've known each other since we were 13 or 14 and can walk together fairly comfortably in near-complete silence. A good respite for us both from mum's compulsive talking.
My companion joined us in the evening and took over for a while as 'listener' to mum, which gave friend and I a chance to have an intimate conversation for a while, just the two of us on the balcony. She is a wonderful woman, and I'm so glad she has been able to join us for this time. Our fathers, now both deceased, were mates in our younger days, which is how she and I became close friends in the first place. We later moved in together when we were both about 17 and have shared many bonding experiences in our life.
Mum too is a wonderful woman, despite the craziness of her endless talking. She has a million and one stories on the tip of her tongue (I often tell her she should have been a writer) and shares them with anyone she meets. Everywhere she goes, she makes momentary friends with people on the street. She is very lovable.
Back to bed soon to try to get some more sleep before morning. And then back to the holiday unit for more visiting for the day and evening tomorrow.
Sending good wishes to anyone who read this far, hoping your day is a good one. 
Such a nice, positive post from you @Mazarita - it is lovely to hear that amongst all the turmoil of late that you are having some lovely, uplifting experiences. Keep allowing the light into your life Maz - you deserve it.
Zoe
Hi @Zoe7
So glad to see you back on the forum and thanks for your lovely reply.
It is a hectic time by my shaky standards but a special time with mum and friend too.
Sending positive, bright energy your way, lovely Zoe. ox
Hi, @Zoe7, it's great to know that you are engaging with the forum when helpful, and not when not. That is real self care and very much needed for all of us really. Especially with what you are going through at this time, it's a relief to know that you have these clear ideas about how best to be safe. I know that there may be some times when there is a little blurring of those boundaries, but overall your approach seems very sound. The forum does not always feel like a completely safe place for me either, and I imagine that others may have the same response. We are all of us experiencing mental health stress in various ways and so it seems likely there may be some difficulty at times. But in so many ways it is a wonderful place to connect and share, as it has been for me for almost two years now. You are a welcome presence whenever you are able to be here.
Hi @Kurra, thanks for your words. Very best wishes to you on your new job position today! Sending big, congratulatory, Kurra-style hugs! 
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.