A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

[Eve7]

You have some big decisions @Emelia8  and none are easy. I downsized but we still have the big house as S2 and family live there. It made sense to let them move in and they can look after the pool and “toys”.

I’m just in a small 3 bedroom duplex which suits me better. I have a garden which is good but a bit neglected lately. It’s a big job moving and I won’t be doing it again anytime soon.

I hope you are feeling a bit better today and that you’re out of iso.

💚💕💚💕💚💕💚

[Emelia8]

Hi @Eve7  and thank you for your post, and for thinking of me.

Yes I have been out of COVID isolation for the past week now.

But I really dont feel well at all, though I dont think its anything to do with COVID.

I havent been eating properly, barely at all really.  And I have been losing weight again since I left hospital.

I try, I really do.  But I just am not hungry, and so I forget to eat.  And I sleep a lot and sleep through meal times.

Then I find I'm dizzy as a wheel and unsteady on my feet.  As if it wasnt already bad enough with a dodgy leg which keeps giving out on me!  

On Monday I had the indignity of having to go to my chemist to hand in my excess supply of opiate painkillers.  The ones the MH hospital were so liberal with (their duty of care was lacking by giving me so many) upon my discharge.  My clinical psychologist had offered to phone the chemist and explain the situation for me to make it easier, but I wanted to do it myself.  But I found the process embarrassing and quite distressing.  So that was really hard.

Yesterday I had another MRI, and needed to have the dye injection.  They had trouble with the canula, so that took some time.  I will talk to my surgeon again on Monday via a telehealth appointment to discuss the results and his thoughts on what he thinks I should do about the ongoing pain and disability I continue to have from my back issue.

I have recommenced my day rehab (physio and hydro) program this week.  It was meant to be a 6 week program after coming out of hospital post my surgery.  But I had to stop it after 2 weeks, because I went back into hospital again.  It can only be done as an outpatient.  But now that I am out again, and over COVID, I have started back again on Tuesdays and Fridays.  But I am finding it really hard.  It never gets any easier, no matter how much effort I put into it, no matter how hard I try, no matter how long I try.  And now, I have zero energy.

Yes the big decision about downsizing my home.  I just cannot think at the moment, so I have put that on the backburner for now.  Just have to keep forking out lots of money for a gardener to do lawns and gardens.  At least with winter coming on, there isnt as much that needs doing for a little while.  That will change come spring time.

I'm glad you were able to 'keep things in the family', when it comes to the family home.  Yes moving is a massive undertaking.  And having to downsize is even bigger I think, although much of that can be done prior to the move.

Again, thank you for your post.  And I'm sorry my reply ended up being such a sad sack response. 

Emelia 

[Appleblossom]

Gentle Hugs @Emelia8 

Would it be possible to get a support worker to help you downsize, that is help you make the decisions about what is to go and what you need to keep.  Putting it off and paying for garden upkeep is probably not viable for long, and maybe that way you can just do gardens when ready to sell.  Just a thought.

My brother always paid for support people for his wife when they moved.

Good you can get back to rehab.

[Shaz51]

Hugs my sister @Emelia8 xoxo 

Had my blood test yesterday  and seeing my specialists  next week 

Hello @Appleblossom , @Eve7 , @NatureLover , @Anastasia 

[Eve7]

Dearest ‘Em, please don’t apologise for being open and honest @Emelia8 I just wish we were neighbours as I’d be over every day for a cuppa. Do you know I’ve made a pot of leaf tea every morning since I came home…no more tea bags for me!

I was wondering if you could fence off your house garden and put a sheep or goat in the “back paddock” to eat the grass. My h always wanted to put in a tennis court so he didn’t have to mow! 

I can imagine your home being absolutely beautiful and well kept and now you are about to really shine as a person. I hope and pray this season of grief and pain ends soon for you because I really believe that, for you, the best is yet to come.

I’m sorry for what you had to go through at the chemist returning those meds but we’ll done for being brave enough to do it. You’re braver than you realise.

Can I meet you for fish n chips tomorrow evening? Here with you as you have been for me on so many occasions.

Lots of love

💕💚🤗💚💕

[NatureLover]

Hi @Emelia8 , I'm sorry you don't feel well 😞 and that you have so much on your plate with the possible downsizing and your ongoing pain levels and difficulty eating. 😞

But this really struck me:

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@Emelia8 wrote:

And I sleep a lot and sleep through meal times.

---

I think this is amazing! You've struggled with getting sleep for so long! And I've been sending wishes for it for ages...am so pleased. 💜

[Emelia8]

I see you there @Clawde  🌹 and thank you for your support 👍.  You've been quiet lately,  and I have to ask "are you okay"? ♥

[Clawde]

hello @Emelia8  my love, sad to read your road in life is so unfair, wish I could help, but so glad I have you my life.😍

life is OK here, still at in keeping Happy, have not found the cure yet.

One day soon.  And from I read, your doing every thing possible if not more so than anyone else could possibly do in the circumstances you are an inspiration to all Thank for sharing your life with us all Clawde loves you 😍

[Emelia8]

Hello @HenryX ... long time,  no see.  I hope you are well? 😄

[HenryX]

Hello @Emelia8 ,

and @Anastasia , @Clawde , @NatureLover , @Eve7 , @Sophia1  , @Shaz51 , @WIP , @Oaktree , @BlueBay , @Faith-and-Hope , @Zoe7 , @Peri , @Appleblossom , @Bow , @Snowie , @outlander , @hanami , @Former-Member , @mufasa @creative_writer @tyme

Apologies to you @Emelia8 , and others, for my extended absence. I am sorry to have been away for so long and hence in-incommunicado. At the present time I am endeavouring to catch up on forum correspondence. I've moved house, which is adjacent to the block and house where I used to live. Unfortunately, I have also recently faced a few challenges in terms of both physical and psychological health. Really, just keeping head above water, while at the same time trying to recover and improve my various physical and mental capacities.

It was just yesterday that I brought my computer from the other house. Over the past few weeks I have had a reduced digital footprint by combination of circumstance and self-imposed non-digital contact, including emails, that I now need to address and to which I wish to respond.

I am disappointed that the surgery did not have the desired effect and that other issues have now presented @Emelia8 . The grief process can certainly be destabilising. It is often recommended that people who are in the process of dealing with grief and trauma, do not make major life decisions during that time {albeit "That time" being difficult to quantify.}. We can often make decisions that may have relatively small impact and others that may have big impact, not realising or being aware of the differences in each situation. This issue has presented in my life on a number of occasions and periods of time.

That sense of "failure," to which you have alluded, can be all pervasive and contribute to some significantly negative feelings and experiences. Just like a self-fulfilling prophecy, what we perceive can be what we create for ourselves. AMHIK {Ask Me How I Know}. All the correspondence that I have seen posted by you @Emelia8 , to others and me, indicates that you are not a failure. I do understand the feeling and the misguided way of thinking. Obviously, the limitations that exist in this forum format also limit our assessments and views of each other. However, I can say that I have enjoyed our correspondence before and during the time of the major impact of your back issues and your husband's passing. For that, I very sincerely Thank You, and express to you my appreciation for your engagement and contributions in discussions with others and me.

I look forward to catching up with you @Emelia8 , and other members of the forum again and sharing thoughts on situations, activities and experiences.

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX