14th year house bound

[hiddenite]

I know... I'm not my thoughts they are just thoughts and I don't have to act on them....
I'm at the river in my car I can see the snow on the mountains. There are three cockatoos in a tree pulling off the bark and swinging fron it.
the river is running very fasy because of all the rain we've had. Even the ducks are hiding its too wet for them. Lots of tree ferns and bkack wood tree's, manner gums they call them widow makers because the branches let go without warning.

I can smell the sweet smell of the wattle , wet bush , and gum trees. Im also wearing my essential oil so I can smell that too.

I can hear the water rushing past , the noisy cockatoos , and the odd rosella. The rain hitting the roof of the car.

ok J thats me back in the present thanks for listening.
Karen

[Jacques]

Well we have 2 kookaburras singing right on the roof at the moment, oh boy can they make a noise, i can't here myself think, the calf is scratching over at one of the posts, he was bugging the farm hand, he was getting some grain for the chickens, as he took one scoop and put it in the bucket the calf ate half of what he put in, this went on for 10 min, he finally got sick of it and shoved the calf aside.

the chickens are scratching around, looking for worms and they where given some cabbage leaves so they are happy.

the pig is laying in one of her trenches, having a good sunbake.

i love your description Karen, it sounds so beautiful where you are, (minus the rain).

you seem to be coping well since you have gone off your medication, i was worried the first few days but you seem a bit more talkative.  your mood seems to be a little better too.

[Jacques]

Karen if you need any help changing your picture, just let me know and i will help you ok.

[hiddenite]

Thanks j.
ive been put on new medication now seven different types. I rattle now.....
Still didn't get rid of the craving for chocolate. Who knew it would taste so good.

I'll try again to chang my picture. ...fingers crossed.

Karen

[Appleblossom]

@Jacques Thanks for picture too.

@hiddenite Sorry for long rave before but I do think about you .. thanks for letting us see you a bit .. with the wattle and the wet.

I have had to work on smellsa lot. .. to calm myself down enough to be sure about them etc .. then a student mentioned she liked what I was cooking and I made that part of what I gave my son .. even being naughty and having butter melting in frypan... cos it reminded me of my nanna.

[Jacques]

hi @hiddenite my angel,

how are you gooing, i know how triggering it was for you last week on friday night feast, it was nice to see you their again tonight.

how are you this evening? what are you and the girls up to tonight? what have you got planed this weekend?  lol i have a real need for dark chocolate, milk chocolate is too sweat for me, but i like the bitterness of the dark stuff.

try not to focus too much on putting on weight, you will with the medication anyway, just accept your body as it is.  i do and it helps a lot.  as long as you walk regularly i walk most days so if i put on weight it is ok if i loose it it is ok too.

anyway if i don't here from you tonight, i hope you manage some rest my angel

thinking of you

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques
I had an awful day I became so distressed and overwhelmed that I had to ring lifeline.

I saw my gp and told him that I couldn't hold safety anymore and he told me to try and not think about it.
he then gave me a script for over 100 medication.
I don't get it when will someone actually help me. Not make things more difficult.
I wish you were in my real world j.
thinking of you
Karen

[Jacques]

I am so sorry Karen, i am glad you reached out to lifeline.  i hope they where a comfort.

i am glad you also saw your doctor, even though he was no help, i am so desperate to get you some help, i have asked @NikNik for some advice to help you, she gave me the web site i was telling you about.

i so wish i could be their in person to support you, you are such a wonderful person who deserves all the kindness and caring a person can give.

try to do something tonight to make yourself a bit less focused on the past and future and focus on the here and now, do some mandala or listen to some music.

i will be on here for a few hours if you want to talk, or just sit quietly with me.

i am in my sleeping bag with my hot water bottle at my desk, watching all of the interactions going on on the sane forum.

hang in their my angel, i am here

[Jacques]

Karen i am so proud of you reaching out on the friday feast, it takes great courage to do what you have done tonight.  you should give yourself a little treat to reward yourself.

[hiddenite]

thank Jacques
you are the kindest person I have ever spoken to. I am so grateful to have your support.
There must be some reason why we found each other again. I never thought it would be possible.

I get through another day fight another hour because I never want to hurt you.
Thank you j.
Stay warm and enjoy your chocolate.
karen