14th year house bound

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

I'm sorry you didn't sleep, it was a tough night.

The girls have done well with their psychologist today. They made a safe place for themselves with cushions and blankets. Then they practiced mindfulness and meditation. They also got to do some art and crafts.

My brother and sister don't help they just pretend that none of this ever happened.

If I tell I'm scared they will stop me driving.

But it's getting worse.....

I hope you have a quiet night ahead.

Thanks for the support Jacques

Karen

[Jacques]

Karen, please get yourself to the doctor and get checked for diabetes.

Karen the longer you leave this the worse it will get, go to your doctor tomorrow, they will not take your license, it is probably something simple that can be solved with some medication.

Karen I know you are scared, I would be to, but better not driving for a while than having an accident.

[CherryBomb]

Hi everyone,

@hiddenite Karen, you sound like you dealing with an aweful lot. I second @Jacques and @PeppiPatty voice, you are a great mum, with a lot on your plate at the moment. I hope you can take some time out to do some self-care.

It's nice to hear that you children mediate and practice mindfulness - where did they learn to do that.

@hiddenite and @Jacques I'm inspired by the support that you give each other. I hope that you can both give yourselves what you give to each other.

CherryBomb

[hiddenite]

Hi cb the girls go to the Australian Childhood Foundation. They see a psychologist there once a week.

They are consistent and will supportthe girls until they are 18.

Karen

[hiddenite]

thanks j but I'm too scared sorry

[Jacques]

Hi My Angel.

well my mood has droped yet again, in a dark place tonight Karen, i might need to sit with you a while, i can't handle what the outside world is doing ot each other, i am so glad i am not part of society anymore, it is so sad to see the way the world is going.

I am so glad the girls had a good session, maybe tonight you and the girls could sit on your bed and make "a safe place" for you all, blankets & pillows, and so some mandala.

I am so sorry you don't have any family support, uit is so sad when families turn their back on you when you are most vulnerable, i have some family members that have done the same.

Karen, if you are frightened of them canceling your license, go to a different doctor, don't tell them you get it driving, just say you get blurry vision some times, that way you are not lying, just not telling the full truth.

Karen, it is a tough situation, i will support you through all this, you have another brother in me, i always support family

[hiddenite]

Hey j I'm here sitting with you holding your hand for as long as you need.

Have you had a hot shower yet. I just had one.

What can we do to distract you?

Breathing how's that?

You could make a safe place for you with pillows and cushions and do a mandala:-)

Use your essential oil

Breathing meditation

Up to you j what would you like to do with us?

Sit awhile my friend I'm here.

You are so special to me please stay safe

Karen

[Blue2015]

Hi Jacques,

Thank you for replying, despite your own situation. I remember 5 years of intense agoraphobia, wherein I would not leave my bedroom. Over time, I have come to see anxiety ( component of post-trauma stress)  for what it is- I think where people go wrong, is underestimating what anxiety can do. I thought i knew anxiety, but this spontaneous- sickly- and  severe anxiety that courses through your body, which is what has been happening to me lately, is unlike anything that has come before it. It is a sickly feeling of absolute dread.

These states of anxiety are completely overwhelming. Sometimes, I find myself unable to do anything but lay on a bed- with my hands clenched. It is heartbreaking to me that this is my truth. Even writing of it, I never foreseen enduring this kind thing in my life. 

For all the books, I have read, practice of spirituality, for all the knowledge, it has never truly set me free 
from this condition. The only thing that provides me any relief, is the belief that there are people who DO care. But that care has to extend beyond token effort. 

Learning to become a witness to your experience- and detaching from this aspect of yourself, has helped me too. "Cultivating the witness" . Think of this reality in terms of energy, and attention. Right now, what you are experiencing is a result of the attention and energy of fear that we are feeling within. That is why you are here.

Yet, as difficult as this is, there is beauty here- right here- in front you. In these words. Try to not judge this situation, just accept, this is where life is guiding you at this moment in time. Know, that this fear that has gripped your mind and heart, although is experienced as real-  is fear created out of baselessness. It is our limbic system malfunctioning.  

My heart goes out to you Jacques. Please, know, you are not alone. Please be gentle on yourself. Reach out. I must do the same myself. 

Non Judgement and surrender is how I am making it through. Like yourself, and others. We are people who did not anticipate these experiences in our lives. 

[Jacques]

Sorry Karen, i needed some time out, i have calmed down a little, i just struggle with how cruel people are to each other, why do people need to hurt each other?

Sorry Karen, just a general question, not directed at you.

Karen, how are you tonight, how is your vision? i beg of you, if it gets worse, please go see a doctor.  i would hate for you to be in an accident.

I hope you are winding down from a hectic week.  please take some time out this weekend.

[Jacques]

Hi @Blue2015,

You are absolutly right, it is amazing how we think the anxiety can't affect us is certain ways or can't get any worse, but it always sneeks up on us, i have days, where i am in like a trance, i just sit and look at the wall, it is not good.

Yes i look back at how my life has turned out and wonder how bad it can get in  the future, only time will tell.

Yes i like the mantra only truth can set you free. maybe not from the mental problems but it can sure help deal with them.

I am here to support as man people as possible, sometimes our family and friends, can't understand because they have never experianced what it is like to have a MI, only people who are affected can truly understand.

I hope you find comfort here like i have, this forum is my whole world now, i could not go on without it.

people like yourself reaching out for help gives me confort in the fact i am not alone.

Thank you @Blue2015, you have helped me challenge the thought i am alone in this terrible existance.

Jacques