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Re: Isolated, alone and lonely.

Hi @MotherDuck!!

How are you doing? Just wanting to check-in and see how you are. 💛

Re: Isolated, alone and lonely.

@AuntGlow ! What a lovely surprise reading your message, thanks so much for reaching out - impeccable timing. 

 

Truthfully, I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed. I had to have emergency surgery recently and was in hospital for a while, and now I’m home recovering and still in pain.

I’ve found myself reaching for old, unhelpful coping strategies just to manage everything, which has me feeling even more unsettled.

I’m also meant to be heading out to [edited by moderator] Saturday night to have dinner with some lovely, positive mountain bike riding women but I’m feeling really anxious about it, even though I know it’s probably something I need.

 

Just trying to take things hour by hour right now. 🙏 How are you doing? 😊

Re: Isolated, alone and lonely.

Long time - no recognise @MotherDuck ! I remembered you with your previous username. Great to see you! I'm sorry I didn't respond earlier.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your recent surgery and the pain you are experiencing. We wish you speedy recovery. 

 

The upcoming dinner sounds lovely 🙂

 

What else have you been up to?

Re: Isolated, alone and lonely.

@MotherDuck I am glad my message came at the right time!

Oh wow, that must have been really overwhelming for you... do you have anyone supporting you through your recovery at all? I am sending lots of healing energy your way. 💛

I totally understand why you might be turning to what is familiar. In these moments, it's so important to be compassionate towards ourselves and the parts that are feeling vulnerable. Maybe you could ask them what they really need when they are turning to older coping strategies, and see if you can meet those needs in any other way? And even if you can't right now, that's okay. We aren't in the shame-game over here! 

What a lovely opportunity to connect. I get why it may feel hard to do so right now though... what do you think is making you feel anxious about this dinner exactly? 

Hour by hour is more than enough. 

I am well, thank you for asking. In the process of moving house at the moment and working towards some creative/study goals. Also feeling very grateful for my PSW role here and how I am able to be there for all of you! 🥰

Re: Isolated, alone and lonely.

Your message really landed gently—thank you so much. 💛 I didn’t realise how much I needed to be reminded that I don’t have to be in the “shame-game.” I think I’ve been silently swimming in it lately, and your kindness gave me a little breath of air.

 

Truthfully… I’m not doing great. I’ve been feeling really lonely, and it’s been hard to hold myself together. I had emergency surgery recently and have daily wound care with my GP and nurses, which helps in a medical sense, but the emotional toll is another story. I’ve got a session with my counsellor Monday, which I’m holding out for. It feels like a lighthouse right now.

 

My parents both live too far to pop in, same with my sister. I’ve been trying to recover on my own, and even though I have people I can message, no one’s really here. Except for Max, my dog. He’s such a gentle soul. I managed to take him for a walk this morning for the first time in ages but one of my wounds is right on my hip joint, near my underwear line, so walking hurt. Still, I guess the fresh air mattered more I suppose. 🤷

 

I’m supposed to be returning to work Tuesday, and I don’t know how I’m going to manage. My role has changed withmore responsibility, more pressure—and I’m just… spent. Lately, it’s been a cycle of work and straight to bed. Doesn’t matter if I finish at 3pm or 9pm, I go straight to sleep. Sometimes I go 2-4 days without showering. Eating is inconsistent at best. My finances are a mess. I feel like I’m just surviving hour to hour and it’s exhausting pretending otherwise. Everything just feels like too much, and I’m barely keeping it together.

 

As for the dinner tonight with the MTB womenI want to go, I know they’re positive people and it’s an opportunity to connect… but I’m anxious about how I’ll come across. I keep worrying they’ll think I look off, or pick up on my energy if I spiral into paranoia or a bad headspace. That fear of not being able to trust my own mind in a social setting is real. I guess the stress and overwhelm lately triggered this flare-up in the first place. I wish it was as easy as just “go and enjoy it,” but it never feels that simple.

 

You mentioned meeting our vulnerable parts with compassion. I love that idea, I really do… but I don’t know where to begin. I’ve never been great at self-compassion. It’s like sometimes the only comfort I know is to numb out, no matter how harmful the method. The patterns are old, familiar, and they whisper promises of relief. Even when I know they lie, I still go back.

 

But maybe… hearing from someone like you reminds me that other choices are possible, even if they feel foreign right now.

 

Thank you for your generosity and your presence here. You're doing such beautiful work in this space, and I hope your creative and study goals are nourishing you too. Please keep sharing your wisdom...it's helping more than you know. 

 

Sending warmth from my corner of the couch (and Max’s too).

@MotherDuck 🦆💞

 

 

@AuntGlow @tyme 

Re: Isolated, alone and lonely.

Excuse the spelling and grammar mistakes 🤦

Re: Isolated, alone and lonely.

Heya @MotherDuck ,

 

Thanks for sharing 🙂

 

You're such a brave shoulder. I hope your post-surgery wound heals quickly.

 

I hear how things can be so lonely for you. Do you hang out with people at work much?

 

How'd dinner go?

Re: Isolated, alone and lonely.

Aw, you're always welcome! This is a reminder for me too. It's so easy to revert to shame, isn't it? @MotherDuck I wonder how we can challenge this voice a little bit? 🤔

Oh my goodness, this would be so much for your body and mind to go through. How are you healing? ❤️

I am so glad you have your counsellor (and little Max), how have they been supporting you over the past couple of weeks?

Having your family far away and unable to hold and nurture you would be so, so hard. You're an absolute trooper. 🥺

I can really hear how hard it has been to navigate the pressures of work and self-care... where are you at with this today? Maybe we can work out a plan to make this slightly more accessible? 

Gah, I totally get not being able to trust your own mind, it can be so exhausting wondering how you are showing up and how it's making others feel. Did you end up going to the dinner?

Hmm, maybe you could start with this meditation? (You might feel lots of resistance at first, and that's okay, it's part of the process!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYk-MldGDWA

Thank you so much @MotherDuck, your presence is so valued and welcomed here too. 

Please keep reaching out and letting us know what you need. We'll be here to bounce around ideas and look at all of your choices - things can change, and they will. 🥰

 

A profound transformation can occur just by training your attention in awareness-a practice sweeping the country with its capacity to decrease stress, cultivate inner calm, and expand wisdom and creativity. --- Clinical psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach has been at the forefront of ...

Re: Isolated, alone and lonely.

 

Re: Isolated, alone and lonely.

Hey @AuntGlow , firstly...I'm so sorry for my late reply. This time has been passed wondering why I've not received a reply and how "no one cares", to discover it's ME that hasn't replied to you! 🤦i feel like times been lost, so here I write.

Shame. I honestly don't understand the concept when someone says to challenge the feeling. I feel it so deeply it's as though it's a battle I'll never win, shame coats me like oil, thick and suffocating. Yuck.

 

So I spent yet another 5 days in hospital on IV antibiotics again, fortunately no surgery. My physical health is really taking a toll and quite frankly,.I'm sick of it. Living without a Spleen really has taken its toll... I'm quietly and confusingly hoping I have the 'worst case scenario'. I know it's not ideal, right, or whatever word surmounts, I am just soo done. Anyway,.I see the infectious disease team next week @ the hospital so we'll see. 

 

Max has been a game changer...he really keeps me going... That feeling of someone actually depending on me. Last week with my counsellor we delved into some pretty full on things, like, in a way... Okay I'll explain briefly. She had these cards and on the cards was a name and then our actions/thoughts and then underneath how we can challenge them..it was very confrontational and bought up tears so I shut it down pretty quick. I see her again Thursday. 

 

Oh I don't know if I'd call myself a trooper, only the fact that I feel like trooping through mud. Since my last hospital visit, my Dad (much to my surprise) has driven down from Hervey Bay and has been here for just over a week. I didn't really get the option to say don't down, it was like an intervention almost... It's been difficult but also really good. He's been making me shower daily (I really struggle with showering and this really affects my physical health atm). I've been listening, on repeat, to a lot of sermans...Dad reckons he understands but get this... I was speaking about my paranoia being raised and not sure how I feel about going somewhere and Dad's response was "Oh not this s**t again". I shrank. Smaller than a crumb from a piece of cheese to a mouse. Discarded, brushed off like it... Idk, it's crap. He leaves tomorrow. 

 

I've been off work now for about 3 weeks, I can't return until after my apt on the 17th and have exhausted my sick and holiday leave so it's been EXTREMELY tough. Emergency food reliefs and calls to debt companies and I'm behind on rent and it's a bloody disaster Aunt Glow. I'm really sorry, I'm not trying to be "winge winge winge" I just... I truly hope you don't mind me messaging all this. 

 

I've been doing a lot of writing, a LOT! I'm going to share a snippet of it to finish this message off. I just want to thank you, for being here, and for the meditation, I give you my word I'll try this one today. ☺️

 

**********************************************************************

 

I’ve been taking Max for short walks. My scars are healing. I cleaned and rearranged my unit, got rid of the bed that carried the weight of old violence. Now I sleep in my nephew’s old bed, like an adult borrowing a childhood that never was. Dad has been here, cooking for me for the first time in my life. He says he’s helping..cleanliness,health, but I feel watched, judged, almost managed. Still, there were moments. Father’s Day sausage at Bunnings, sitting on the balcony, breathing in the sky as if it cared.

I went to a bike race with friends. Took Max because paranoia needs a leash. I almost unraveled, but didn’t. I bought a new bike. The right size. Like I’m preparing for a future I’m not sure exists. I have a car now. I take Max for drives he gets more excited over the word “drive” than “walk.” Maybe we’re both chasing motion pretending it means progress.

Through all of this one truth keeps me here my Nephew. His messages, his excitement over bikes, that ride we shared. It’s a fragile thread, but it holds. I light incense. I play music. I’ve learned about frequencies, as if sound can rewire despair. Some days, it almost feels like it does.

i feel severed from self..from meaning, life isn’t lived it feels endured. And I’ve been enduring. Waiting. Rearranging furniture like it could rearrange my thoughts. Feeding Max so I remember something depends on me.

And if I disappear one day, it won’t be a storm or a scream just a sigh dissolving into static. No flames. No thunder. Only silence swallowing silence, like it always meant to. 🔆💞☺️

 

 

- MotherDuckxx