TW: Lost a friend

[Cbear]

TW: Suicide

I've lost a friend to suicide this week. He was a beloved part of my family growing up.  He struggled with addiction illness severely over the past 10 years and in the last couple of months cut himself off entirely, no one knew where he lived (hospital accommodation as we found out), no one knew his phone number. 

I remember him as being such a joyful larger than life character before addiction took hold.  He helped me with my first car. 

I've been going through a rough patch mentally myself in the past couple of months, bipolar depression and was just starting to come out the other side and I just feel completely destabilized. 

I am so glad he is no longer in pain, but the self harm thoughts have come rolling back in. I'm also coping with a flare up of chronic pain. 

I don't know what to do. I know what I want but I would never leave my daughter. 

Life is so hard. 

[tyme]

Hey @Cbear ,

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost a friend. I recognise how painful this experience is. I can only imagine the grief you are experiencing right now.

Please know we are sitting here right beside you.

Do you have someone you can speak to about it?

Griefline may be able to provide some resources for you to reach out to as well. https://griefline.org.au/

Please know that grief is a natural part of feeling loss. Allow yourself to grieve. We are here for you.

Hugs

[Cbear]

Thank you, the grief is phenomenal. He was such a lovely kid and young and I don't wish addiction on anyone. I feel like I'm edging into denial, I can't believe this has happened. The stages of grief huh. 

I do have good friends, just no one quite knows what to say. I moved away overseas so will probably miss the funeral, but I like the idea of doing something symbolic that day to remember him by. I'm trying to think of things that are healthy. It's hard. 

It's hard because life goes on, as it should, but juggling work, family, everything while grieving is hard. I let work know to help create me some space and I'm talking with my partner all the time about what I can manage. It just feels a lot.

[Eve7]

Sending lots of love to you @Cbear . I lost my son this year (not to suicide) but I understand the grief all too well. It's hard but you have done the right thing by opening up with your partner and on here.

Keeping you in my thoughts at this sad time.

[MJG017]

Hi @Cbear, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to lose someone like that.  Even more difficult when you are trying to deal with your own issues.

I wish I had more I could offer you, but I can only agree with what @tyme said.  Know there's people here willing to listen and help you through this.  And to reach out to have some support around you.  I think that's really important right now.  Whether that's someone close to you or something like griefline as suggested.  Anyone would be really struggling in this situation so any support you can get help get you through would be extremely helpful.

It is obviously a lot to deal with right now, so the only other advice I can think of to offer you is, that it is a lot, so take your time and know that it will take some time to process all of this and just work through it at whichever pace you feel comfortable with.  Take good care of yourself @Cbear.

[Cbear]

Thank you, as a parent I send much care to you. 

[tyme]

Hi @Cbear ,

How are you today?

Hope things feel better for you.

I recognise how triggering it may be to have lost a special person.

We're here for you.