SANE Forums

[Neetram]

I am finding it really hard to cope my whole family have walked away from me and now my daughter has taken the grandchildren away from me I feel so lost I don't know what I have done to deserve this I love them all deeply and would never disrespect or hurt them I live alone with my 2 little dogs feels so surreal that this has been happening to me I have been my mother and sisters scape goat all my life I had to walk away from my mother to save myself not to hurt her now every one has walked away from me I am devastated a lifetime of trauma from my mother she even hurts me from a far 

[tyme]

Hey @Neetram ,

Welcome to the forums. Thank you for reaching out and sharing. It takes a lot of strength and courage to reach out to a community you've just stepped into.

We are glad to have you with us. It sounds incredibly difficult to have your whole family walk away from you. I hear how isolating and confusing it can be. I read that it feels you have been experiencing this family-related trauma for a long time now.

Do you have any professional supports you can speak to about it?

Please know we are a friendly community here on the forums. Tagging a few members who may want to pass by to say hi @NatureLover @Oaktree @Shaz51 @Snowie @Eve7 

[Oaktree]

@Neetram 

Hi, sounds like you are experiencing a really hard time with your family. I guess the best thing to do right now is to focus on what makes you happy. Try not to put pressure on your family members. Either they will reach out or they won’t. Nothing you can do I am afraid. I don’t have contact with my Mother either and I have a difficult relationship with my daughter. I am afraid she will eventually break contact all together. The relationship with my daughter brings up my feelings of rejection that I experienced with my Mother. Hopefully by focusing on ourselves we will get stronger 

[Neetram]

Thankyou for the kind words thank you for lifting me up when you are going through your own pain that means a lot to me and says a lot about yourself bless you

[Neetram]

No I isolate a lot at the moment I have been in a mental health hospital twice when in contact with my mother and was on a lot of medication the last two years away from her not one episode and I have been off medication for two years I love her but she would  have put me in the ground if  i did not finally walk away yes it goes way back my trauma my mother is a very narcissistic lady and uses gaslighting all the time on me but has also done terrible things very unkind things to me for some reason I am just not her cup of tea which hurts even at my age I haven't been able to share anything with anyone about anything that's gone on as I don't want to burden my neighbours and don't have any friendships as my family where everything my trauma goes very very deep post traumatic stress syndrome as well lots of foster homes and orphanage for a while lots of abuse I could go on and on and on but theres no point really I just need to try and find a way out of all of this I am strong and I will find a way to turn things around for myself I do miss my granddaughter she's 12 I had her every second weekend her whole life until a few months ago my daughter's boyfriend is not nice to my grandchild and I said something and  all hell broke loose sorry for the rant been keeping a lot bottled up it's good to be able to talk a bit thank you so much

[PeppyPatti]

Dear @Neetram 

Yes, it is absolutely Debilitating what's happening and I just want to let you know you will survive with more knowledge about you.  

I'm 56 years old and have at last, ripped myself away from my mother .

The most important things is you. I have learned this from these people @TAB @tyme @Glisten @Shaz51 @Historylover 

And more. 

Self care comes in many forms but I think it's from having boundaried and empathetic people around you. 

I get this from 

Sane forums 

A therapist. 

Reading about my little girl inside me. I wrap her around my heart. 

I think I get this from reading Terrance Real "Fierce Intimacy " 

Meditations by 

https://youtu.be/DW0G5u1uziM?si=k9AK47mw0swTj2rg

[Neetram]

Thankyou for your kind words I wish you peace and happiness

[Neetram]

Many different counsellors when younger but I self medicated a lot drugs and alcohol and abusive relationships I think my whole life in my mind I have thought if your own mother does not love you who else will including me I know how dramatic it all sounds my mum's famous line from knee-high was don't be so melodramatic I think I've turned into that I've always been told by mum that there's something mentally wrong with me and I believed that another famous line was you taking your medication today if I defended myself in any form .after two years i have been away from her I realize the only thing that is severely wrong with me is deep trauma I do have depression but nowhere near as when I was around her sorry I am very self-absorbed at the moment I wish I could get out of all about me me I am just trying to shout out to the world that I have been hurt and for someone to care I know no one likes to be around negativity I'm trying to stop this

[Asgard]

Afternoon @Neetram 

Lovely to meet you.  Good to see you had the inner strength to look after yourself, it must have been hard, but you must look out for yourself first and foremost.  Its sad when a family dissolves, but sometimes its for the best. 

Maybe in time your daughter will get back in touch, but I wouldn't force the issue.  She might come round, she might not, life is funny like that.  All you can do now is focus on the things that make you happy and target your energy towards that.  Thinking of you ......Asgard

[Neetram]

Thank you so much what you said really helped I have been wondering whether I should try and get in touch and apologize to her but I just can't bring myself to do that it's not pride i honestly believe I'd done the right thing by my grandchild and cannot apologize for protecting her I have had to apologize all my life for things I did not do to keep the peace even now when I talk to    a neighbour the words sorry somehow will come into my conversation if someone  bumps into me  I will say sorry I've just been groomed that way but since reaching the age I am now the thought of doing that triggers me saying sorry when I have done nothing to be sorry for