Looking after ourselves
Introduction to mindfulness
Good morning DBT adventurers. 
Mindfulness! Hands up who gets a bit sick of this word being tossed around by mental health professionals? Meeeee!!!!!!! Twenty years ago, no one really spoke about mindfulness (or not to me, anyway). Now you can barely get through a single session with a mental health professional without them mentioning it. Yep, mindfulness is definitely the in thing at the moment. So, does this mean that it is some great new discovery? Not quite. People have been practicing mindfulness for thousands of years, it's just that it has taken Western mental health professionals a little bit of time to catch up with Eastern spiritual practices.
Last week I asked Forumites to share their thoughts and experiences of mindfulness. You can find that discussion here: thoughts and experiences of mindfulness and here: opinions about mindfulness . It was really interesting to hear people's thoughts. A common theme seemed to be that, like me, people find it a little painful that mental health professionals harp on about mindfulness so much and carry on as though it is THE solution to everything.
I find this really frustrating because the reality is that there is a very strong research evidence base attesting to the value of mindfulness in helping people to cope with a wide array of both physical and mental health issues. Therefore, it super bugs me that people are turned off the idea by the way it is often sold. Mindfulness is absolutely definitely NOT a magic solution to everything. It is NOT going to solve all the problems in the world (or even all the problems in your life!). But at the same time, it is a useful tool to have in one's toolkit.
So, on that note, perhaps it would be good to begin by considering what mindfulness is (and what it isn't!).
What mindfulness is.
Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment. This means not thinking about the past or the future, but rather, just being right here in the present - right here, right now. It also means observing what is happening in the present moment without judging it or trying to change or avoid it.
What mindfulness is not.
Mindfulness is not the same thing as meditation. Meditation is one form of mindfulness, which is done while sitting or standing still. This means that meditation, by definition, involves mindfulness. However, the reverse is not true. You do NOT need to meditate in order to be mindful.
Opening the mind versus focusing the mind.
Opening the mind means being aware of your thoughts, emotions and sensations without hanging onto them, judging them, or getting caught up in them. For example, I often experience intense suicidal ideation. Navigating this in an open-minded way may go like this:
I super want to die right now. The urge is really strong and really painful. It hurts.
In contrast, navigating it in a less open-minded way might go like this:
I super want to die right now. I can't stand it. I hate myself for feeling this way. Why can't I stop feeling like this? What is wrong with me? What if this never stops? I'm an awful person for feeling like this. I can't keep living like this.
Do you see the difference? Experiencing suicidal ideation in an open-minded way means recognising the thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them or judging them. Experiencing it in a less open-minded way means complicating the already painful situation by layering it with secondary feelings of fear and shame.
In contrast to opening the mind, focusing the mind means focusing your full attention on a specific experience, which may be either internal or external. For example, you may fully focus your attention on a pain you are feeling in your chest, or you may fully focus your attention on the minutest details of a leaf.
Reasonable mind, emotion mind and wise mind.
Linehan (2015) distinguishes between these three states of mind.
When in reasonable mind (also sometimes known as rational mind), a person thinks about something intellectually, in a logical and rational way. The person can appear very practical and cool (or even cold). Emotions and feelings are ignored, decisions and actions are based on logic. When in emotion mind, logical thinking is difficult (or in my case, impossible!), and decisions and actions are driven by emotion. Wise mind is the integration of reasonable mind and emotion mind.
The aim of the mindfulness skills in DBT is to help people to balance reasonable mind and emotion mind, in order to achieve wise mind and thereby make wise decisions and engage in wise actions.
This integration of reasonable mind and emotion mind looks like this:
The following 8-minute video gives a very nice overview of the concept of wise mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mzw5pfN8acc Note that it is produced by a Sydney-based psychologist. I think it describes wise mind very nicely, but please be aware that in providing this link, this is in no way an endorsement or advertisement for the psychology practice that produced the video.
Points for reflection and discussion
So...who's keen to have a go at working on this mindfulness thing? Here's some questions to get us started.
- What do you think the pros and cons might be of practicing mindfulness versus not practicing it?
- Can you think of any areas in your life where mindfulness might be helpful?
- What do you think of the whole idea of reasonable mind, emotion mind and wise mind?
My plan is that next Monday I will be posting a post that goes more into the what and the how of doing mindfulness. I super hope you will join me on the adventure.
Don't forget that if you want to get the handouts and worksheets that are used in a DBT group, you can access them for free online here:
Note that if clicking on the link doesn't work for you, just copy and paste it into the address bar at the top of your internet home page (which for most of us probably means the google home page). Don't put it into the search bar because it won't work. You need to register to access the website. This is a very non-scary process of providing your email address and a password. Alternatively, if you want the book containing all of the handouts and worksheets, they are available here:
https://www.bookdepository.com/DBT-Skills-Training-Handouts-and-Worksheets/9781572307810 or at any number of other online bookstores. Wow, I sound like a commercial don't I! Again, I am simply sharing resources that I have found helpful and in doing so, I am in no way endorsing or advertising any of these materials.
Happy DBT-ing.
@CheerBear @Faith-and-Hope @Determined @Appleblossom @FiFiNash @Shaz51 @SGde3a @mentalstuff @Gypsy7 @Neelix @Former-Member @outlander @Former-Member
Hello on the DBT adventure thread
It may have taken me days (a week) longer than I wanted to to get here but (thanks to some pretty serious Distress Tolerance skills practice) here I am. I will start by putting my hand up to say that yes I feel frustrated at the buzz-wordiness of "mindfulness" however, I too believe that when it is practiced in a way that works for the person who is using it, mindfulness can be a very powerful tool.
So on that note, here are my responses to the questions above (with a huge thank you to @Phoenix_Rising for introducing this topic in what I feel is a very not-annoying way)
1. Pros and Cons of practicing mindfulness vs not practicing mindfulness
PROS
Practicing Mindfulness
* There may be a whole lot to notice, experience and learn about if I am able to focus my mind more on what is in front/inside/around me
* When I have found myself using mindfulness, I have felt more accepting and calmer (not always but sometimes)
* Being able to have some control over my mind, feels like it might be empowering (and kind of important)
*Mindfulness, in particular the non-judgmental nature of mindfulness, feels like being kind to myself
* Might be more likely to make choices that feel right if I am mindful of myself and others
Not practicing mindfulness
*It may be easier to do what my go-to can be ('fly away' somewhere in my head)
*Things might happen more quickly if I don't stop and think/observe in the way that mindfulness requires
CONS
Practicing Mindfulness
* It takes effort to be mindful and can be unsettling
* Being part of something that I have found annoying
* Feeling stuck in the moment. Sometimes all I really want to do is go forward, not be where I am.
* Sometimes it has been scary to really focus on what is happening (sensations in particular)
Not practicing mindfulness
* Easy to get lost in what once happened, or what may happen in the future if I don't stay in the present
* Mistakes and poor choices seem to happen more or be bigger when I am less 'mindful'
2. Can you think of any areas in your life where mindfulness might be helpful?
When there are few options for doing anything else. Times like the middle of the night when I really badly want to sort something out but can't.
When I am interacting with people. Mindfulness includes self and other awareness, which I think is really important in social interactions.
When I am triggered (which is a big issue for me). Reminding myself of where I am right at that moment is one of the most helpful things I can do.
Generally, I think the idea of mindfulness being non-judgmental is really helpful. My thoughts and feelings are what they are. Challenging them can be useful sometimes, but so can accepting that they are not right or wrong, they just are.
3. What do you think of the whole idea of reasonable mind, emotion mind and wise mind?
I SO much appreciate the idea of these states of mind. I have called reasonable mind my 'thinking brain' and emotion mind my 'feeling brain' for a while and I can tell what 'brain' I am using (sometimes not straight away). Feeling brain floods me with emotions and I can become completely caught up in what I am feeling. It looks like giant big tears, panic attacks, anger where I am totally focused on one thing, total overwhelming hopelessness, sadness that feels so deep and so raw I can't see it ever passing, outbursts (explosions) etc.
Thinking brain sends me in to "Must. Do. Now". I get tunnel vision. It has been really helpful in the past with things like writing assignments or completing tasks, but I can become quite cold and distant from people, and I lose interest in much other than what I am doing, when I am in thinking brain mode.
When I do find the balance between thinking and feeling brain ("wise mind"), I find myself at a place that feels right and does well, for me. An example is a meeting I had last week where I was able to recognise and tune in to my feelings, yet also focus on the 'outcomes" which allowed me, to obtain the outcomes I wanted in a way that felt good for me. Another example is that a number of situations have come up recently which I could quite easily find myself lost in reasonable or emotion mind while they play out. I am trying to merge both reasonable and emotional mind to make sure that the way I approach these situations feels right, is effective, is responsive not reactive, is mindful of myself and others etc.
Ok, that's probably well enough from me now. Thanks again Phoenix_Rising 🙂
Good morning DBT adventurers,
So...my plan was that by today I would have a lovely well-written exposition of the next part of the DBT manual regarding mindfulness. There was a reason why I included the word "plan" when I mentioned this in my post of last week - pretty much nothing ever goes to plan in my world. Consequently, it isn't that surprising to me that due to some muddles, I haven't opened the DBT manual since last Monday because I currently have the concentration span of a flea. And guess what? It's totally ok that I haven't achieved what I had planned to. The sun hasn't dropped out of the sky and the earth hasn't fallen off its axis, so all is well.
HOPEFULLY, I will have that planned post written by next Monday...but it may be that another week goes by without me even opening the manual...and that will be ok.
@CheerBear I super enjoyed reading your post this morning. It definitely seems to me that there are more reasons to try mindfulness than to not try it. Yesterday @NatalieS (waves to NataliS) mentioned here that people seem to assume others will get the hang of mindfulness after a few sessions of being told things like "watch the leaf floating down the river." I think this is a big part of why some people have a negative attitude towards mindfulness. It's like we are told it's this great wonderful tool, so we try it, and when it hasn't "worked" after two or three goes, we write it off as a waste of time. I think perhaps this reflects our much-too-fast-paced culture.
We talk about practicing mindfulness. This is because it is something we get better at super slowly over time with lots and lots of practice. There is no point in time where someone will go "ok, now I can do mindfulness." The corollary of this is that it makes no logical sense to say that one has tried mindfulness and it didn't "work." The practicing of it, over and over again, is the doing of it. We don't practice it so that we can say "now I can do it," but rather, it is the practicing that IS the doing. Does that make sense?
For example, I super like listening to the birds in the morning around my home. I like to simply sit and listen to them. In doing this, I am practicing mindfulness with the sound of the birds being the experience I am focusing on. If I was to notice that my mind had wandered and I was worrying about some current muddle in my world, then I could acknowledge that, and turn my attention back to the birds. The fact that my mind wandered onto my muddles wouldn't mean that mindfulness didn't "work." Nor would it mean I "can't do mindfulness." It would simply mean my mind wandered, and I then chose to bring it back to the point of focus...and in doing that, I am practicing mindfulness.
I totally agree with you @CheerBear that mindfulness is super helpful when you are stuck in a situation that you can't do anything about at the moment. I noticed that @Former-Member (waves to Darcy) mentioned here that an issue with mindfulness is that it puts emotions on hold while the underlying problem is still there and needs addressing.
I think this sentiment reflects one of the problems with mindfulness being such an "in thing" at the moment. It seems to be thrown at people as THE solution to EVERYTHING and it simply isn't. If somebody is homeless, then sure, helping them to cope with the situation using the tool of mindfulness is great...but not to the exclusion of helping them to find suitable housing!!! It seems to me (and perhaps you have more to say about this @Former-Member) that far too often, mental health professionals seem to want to teach people how to cope with their struggles using tools such as mindfulness, at the expensive of actually healing the struggles. I get super frustrated about this. 
I super like the idea of reasonable mind, emotion mind and wise mind. This definitely fits with what I experience in my brain. Having said that, when I was reading the DBT manual, I took issue with the way Linehan (2015) speaks about the existence of wise mind as an objective fact. For example, she says, Everyone has the capacity for wisdom. Everyone has wise mind (p. 167). My response to that is "prove it."
It really annoys me when people make statements as though they are facts, when really they are beliefs. I think this is a problem across the mental health sector. Indeed, the whole conceptualization of various difficulties being an "illness" is a belief, not a fact. The medical model is only one way in which to understand what we tend to call mental illness. It just so happens that at this point in history, it is the dominant model in western society.
Describing social constructs and stating personal beliefs as facts super annoys me. Therefore, for me, even though I find the idea of reasonable mind, emotion mind and wise mind a super useful way to conceptualise what happens in my brain, I would never make the statement that everyone has a wise mind because I have no way of knowing whether that is true. On p. 169 of the manual it says, everyone has wise mind; some people simply have never experienced it. If I was in a DBT group and the facilitator said that, the next words out of my mouth would definitely be "prove it."
Anyway, I think that's enough from me. What do others think?
@Scout @Former-Member
Good afternoon DBT adventurers,
As some of you know, I've been in a super gigantic muddle for the past 4 weeks (I mean an even bigger muddle than usual!). Hence the somewhat extended pause on the DBT adventure. However, my brain is now starting to slowly tick over and I'm hoping to write about the next bit from the DBT manual super soon.
While waiting for my brain to start working, I have been reflecting on the concept of mindfulness, as well as the DBT skills more generally and I want to throw a question out there: Do you think we can ever get to a point where we can use mindfulness or some other skill to achieve whatever we want to achieve, or are there always going to be times when there is nothing we can do except ride out big feelings until they pass?
I believe sometimes we simply need to ride things out. Indeed, based on my understanding of DBT, this is itself a skill. The reason I've been thinking about this is because I have a long history of people telling me to "just do it" when I would talk about not being able to concentrate. This was generally in the context of trying to complete uni assignments. The attitude seemed to be that if I just tried hard enough, I would be able to concentrate enough to research and write an essay. I found this attitude SO difficult to deal with because I KNEW I couldn't "just do it."
Over the years, I have learnt to say, "I can't do it right now" rather than saying "I can't do it" when I'm struggling with something, and I truly believe this to be the case. The past four weeks have been horrendous in my world. During this time I have managed to keep myself alive. I have been able to ride out giant waves of suicidal ideation by using mindfulness techniques and some other skills and tools from my toolkit. However, there is no way in the world I could make myself concentrate enough to be able to read. Do you think I (or you) could ever become good enough at DBT skills to be able to do this, or is it simply not possible? To me, trying to concentrate while having super gigantic feelings is akin to if I was trying to concentrate with my clothes on fire. I deeply value the DBT skills, hence why I am putting so much effort into sharing them here in Forum Land. However, I also believe that they aren't a magic solution for everything. Indeed, Marsha Linehan herself never claimed this. As explained previously, the skills are only one component of DBT, with the other two components being individual therapy and telephone-based between-session support.
So...does anyone have any thoughts about any of this? If so, I'd super love to hear them.
@CheerBear @Faith-and-Hope @Determined @Appleblossom @FiFiNash @Shaz51 @SGde3a @mentalstuff @Gypsy7 @Neelix @Former-Member @outlander @Former-Member @Teej @Sans911 @Pebbles @Lunar @Former-Member @NikNik @Lauz @NatalieS @Acacia @MDT @Rockpool
