Looking after ourselves
Mindfulness "What" Skills: Observe
Good morning DBT adventurers :smileyveryhappy:
There are three mindfulness "what" skills and three mindfulness "how" skills taught in DBT. At the risk of stating the obvious, the "what" skills are what we do, and the "how" skills are how we do it. 
The first of the "what" skills is "observing". The other two are describing and participating, but we won't get to them in this post because, well, I'm a turtle so I don't move terribly fast. And anyway, Linehan makes the point that we can only ever do one mindfulness "what" skill at a time, so it's probably best that we work on this one for a little while before exploring the other two. According to Linehan (2015) we can only ever be observing OR describing OR participating.
If anyone has the DBT handouts, either in hardcopy form (which you can buy as a book here: DBT skills manual or download for free here: DBT website) now would be a good time to look at Mindfulness handout 4A. This handout runs for four pages and lists fifty-four different ways to practice the mindfulness skill of observing!!!! So...I think it's safe to assume that there is something there for everybody! All of these techniques are grouped under three main categories: Coming back to your senses, focusing the mind, and opening the mind.
What do we mean by observing?
According to Linehan (2015), "observing is all about learning to feel fully alive in the here and now." If we are living in either the past or the future, then we aren't fully living in this present moment. Linehan makes the point that this moment, right now, has never occurred before in the entire history of time and it will never ever occur again. That makes this moment, right now, super special. I really like that idea!
We observe the external world through our five senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch) and we observe our internal world by sensing our thoughts, emotions, and internal bodily sensations. What we sense, depends on where we focus our attention. By the way @Former-Member, I thought you might be interested to know that according to Linehan (2015, p. 177), learning to observe phenomena is "a good first skill for a person who suppresses or avoids emotions or other experiences."
When we are observing something, whether it is external (e.g. the sounds we can hear around us) or internal (e.g. the thoughts racing through our mind), there are some key points to remember:
- We observe without judging the phenomenon as being good or bad, or right or wrong. It simply is what it is.
- We observe the phenomenon without trying to make sense of it. Again, it simply is what it is.
- We observe the phenomenon without trying to change it.
Focusing the mind
Focusing the mind involves super focusing on a specific activity, object or event. Some examples of focusing the mind are:
- Looking at a leaf or flower and focusing on the minutest details of it.
- Eating something super slowly, focusing on how it smells, tastes, and feels in your mouth.
- Focusing on an urge that you have (e.g. an urge to smoke, an urge to eat, an urge to engage in an act of SH) without acting on it.
- Focusing on your breath.
- Focusing on a physical pain that you are experiencing.
Opening the mind
Whereas in focusing the mind the aim is to super focus on a particular object or event, opening the mind involves observing whatever happens to drift in and out of our awareness without holding onto it or getting caught up in it. A good analogy for this is to think of it as being like letting the flow of experiences drift through our mind like leaves drifting down a stream. The trick is to let the leaves drift by - you don't want to be jumping into the stream and grabbing hold of the leaves! Nor do you want to poke at the leaves with a stick to try and submerge them or stop them from drifting past you. If you do this, the leaves (just like thoughts and emotions) will actually hang around longer! Indeed, research has shown that the more we try to push away or shut out our thoughts and emotions, the more we will keep having them!
Here is a cool mindfulness exercise about leaves floating down a stream https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iVRyXFMww8&list=PL1Kt92TEDTLrGnkT2prOYAdapF7bYmBTr&index=1 Note that is produced by a Sydney-based psychologist and its inclusion here is in no way an endorsement or advertisement for the psychology practice that produced the video. The video starts off with instructions to close your eyes and focus on your breathing. I know some people aren't comfortable doing that, and this is a bazillion percent ok. There is no "rule" about having to close your eyes and focus on your breathing.
Observing is super difficult!
As I mentioned in a previous post, I think one of the big problems with the way therapists teach/explain mindfulness is that they forget to mention that it is really really really difficult! You aren't SUPPOSED to be good at it after a day or a week or a month or three months. It's HARD. It takes a really really really long time and lots and lots of practice to get good at it. The trick is to KEEP PRACTICING.
So...are we all keen to have a go at practicing the mindfulness skill of observing? Does anyone have any thoughts about what sorts of observing exercises they might like to try? If you can't think of any, I have a bazillion suggestions from the DBT skills manual!!!
Personally, I find it very easy to hyper-focus on something like the minutest details of a leaf. For me, doing something like that is my optimum level of sensory input. In contrast, as I mentioned last week, I absolutely cannot (at least at this point in time) concentrate enough to do something like write an essay when my emotions are giant. I have no idea how anyone does that.
Happy DBT-ing. 
@CheerBear @Faith-and-Hope @Determined @Appleblossom @FiFiNash @Shaz51 @SGde3a @mentalstuff @Gypsy7 @Former-Member @Neelix @Former-Member @outlander @NatalieS @Catcakes
You are a great DBT teacher... @Phoenix_Rising
I am finding it hard at the moment to reconnect , question my friend -- in these times do you make time for DBT or do you connect when you are able xx
@Phoenix_Rising wrote:
@outlander I've noticed that some times you've mentioned in Forum Land that you can't find your words to write a post. When you are in that space, where you are so distressed that you can't formulate a post, how would you be able to research and write an essay?
I hope it's ok to ask. I am trying to figure out if we are talking about the same thing or not. Hmmm...where is my trusty bridge building expert @Faith-and-Hope???
I can "just do it" in terms of things that don't involve using my brain - such as making myself get out of bed or making myself clean the house, but as to how to do high-level thinking when my brain is flooded with big feelings, I have absolutely no idea.
I wonder if anyone who can do it, can explain how they do it - because I would superly duperly like to be able to do it too.
hi @Phoenix_Rising sorry for the delayed response...
you asked me how i would research and write and essay in a distressed post- the answer- with great difficulty! many scruntched pieces of paper, throwing pens and pencils thats for sure. the more i tried to write it in that state of mind the worse i had 'mind blanks' and just couldnt write anything at all.
i couldnt 'just do it' i needed to be in the right headspace. one thing that did help though was the structuring. we learnt it in PEEL version and it was easy to remember. i often wrote in stages. one was researching and note reading- highlighting the parts that were important or could be important, then it was planning- where i would have PEEL writte vertically down my page and have dot points for each one, then start draft writing then finalising. so sometimes when i couldnt forumlate words i could sometimes read and try to get some sort of focus back on the work. id either do that or i would just walk away and come back to it.
below is the PEEL paragraph structure i was taught- not until yr 10 that i learnt this.
that sad part however was that my HSC score was only in 65.something and was hoping for higher esp after the efforts i was taking to get these and improve.
Good morning DBT-ers,
I am super excited to see the conversations happening here in DBT world. I super want to respond to people but I can't right now. Yesterday was an extremely dark day in my world and once again my brain has shut down. When I can, I will definitely respond though.
The reason I dropped by here even though I can't respond to anyone right now is that I wanted to tell you all that THIS MINDFULNESS STUFF REALLY WORKS! I know it works because I'm not dead. Granted, I am rocking while I write this and I can't actually think very clearly, but I'm not dead.
As most of you probably know, in Forum Land I spend a lot of time here. I was there yesterday riding out some extremely intense emotions and urges to suicide. I did not invent the idea of riding a wave. This is a DBT mindfulness skill. In the skills manual it is number 20 on the list of a bazillion ways that we can practice observing: "Urge-surf" by imagining that your urges are a surfboard and you are standing on the board, riding the waves. I adapt this image a bit to work better for me. I'm a sea turtle and for me, the wave itself is the urge/emotion. And guess what? I rode the wave for hours and hours and hours and was still riding it at 3am this morning, but now it has settled. I will not die today. The urge to suicide passed. I didn't try to push it away, I didn't focus on not suiciding, I simply stayed first at the computer, and then on my bed, and rode the excruciating wave. And it passed. It will come again - most likely sooner rather than later. But I super wanted to share with you that the waves DO pass. You don't need to fight them, you simply need to ride them. I can definitely attest to the truth of what Linehan says, that fighting intense emotions/urges makes them last much longer than sitting with them.
Intense suicidal ideation is SCARY. It FEELS like it is going to k*ll you. But it can't. It is just a feeling. Suicide is ultimately a choice. Having the urge definitely isn't a choice, but acting on the urge is. I know that if I simply stay on my bed until the urge passes, it is logically impossible for me to die. The urge can't k*ll me. I have spent an extraordinary amount of time over the past two years lying on the floor or on my bed focusing on my breathing. That really really really sucks. But I'm not dead. The urge can totally disrupt my life and stop me from achieving oh-so-many of the things I want to do, but it cannot actually k*ll me. If I suicide, that will be my choice. Today I choose to keep on keeping on.
Anyway, I just wanted to share that. Thank you for listening. Oh and if anyone thought I started the DBT thread because I am already brilliant at this DBT thing and have my life totally together, sorry to disappoint you. My life really couldn't be less together if I tried!!! I am VERY much a work in progress...and that's ok.
im glad that PEEL is helpful for you @NatalieS hmm im not sure if itll help with job applicantions though but you can give it ago and see how it turns out...
i hope youve had a good day too 
thanks for the info @Phoenix_Rising your dedication to here is amazing "
