im back..... i think

[outlander]

How can i be dealing with all this shite and still be able to function at all..
The guilt and greif eats at me everyday
If its not a decline in mrntal health its physical
And now the one good thing thats been positive in a long while might have to be given back
What an absolute joke i am

[outlander]

Im a pethetic looser

[Former-Member]

Sound like me,but I'm a pathetic old loser outlander,you have more time than me to change your statue in your mind.

I have always put myself down,on souls thread tonight I posted about the bloke who I nearly got involved with texted me at 330 this morning being all nice,and "Mr Smooth,Loving and Considerate"(********!),I had a bad day with blood pressure due to stress yesterday, feel bit better today),I said to him in my lows,that I am no good for anyone" which he then used my vulnerability to try to give our relationship yet another go.

I believe I am now that person outlander,when I lost over 56 kg years ago it's,I still believed I was fat because of my body issues.At the moment you aren't well,and the ongoing battle with health does get to you.You are still young outlander,and still got time to turn into a beautiful butterfly if you believe in yourself.

[Former-Member]

Sound like me,but I'm a pathetic old loser outlander,you have more time than me to change your statue in your mind.

I have always put myself down,on souls thread tonight I posted about the bloke who I nearly got involved with texted me at 330 this morning being all nice,and "Mr Smooth,Loving and Considerate"(********!),I had a bad day with blood pressure due to stress yesterday, feel bit better today),I said to him in my lows,that I am no good for anyone" which he then used my vulnerability to try to give our relationship yet another go.

I believe I am now that person outlander,when I lost over 56 kg years ago it's,I still believed I was fat because of my body issues.At the moment you aren't well,and the ongoing battle with health does get to you.You are still young outlander,and still got time to turn into a beautiful butterfly if you believe in yourself.I never had that and it was my downfall.

[Former-Member]

Sound like me,but I'm a pathetic old loser outlander,you have more time than me to change your statue in your mind.

I have always put myself down,on souls thread tonight I posted about the bloke who I nearly got involved with texted me at 330 this morning being all nice,and "Mr Smooth,Loving and Considerate"(********!),I had a bad day with blood pressure due to stress yesterday, feel bit better today),I said to him in my lows,that I am no good for anyone" which he then used my vulnerability to try to give our relationship yet another go.

I believe I am now that person outlander,when I lost over 56 kg years ago it's,I still believed I was fat because of my body issues.At the moment you aren't well,and the ongoing battle with health does get to you.You are still young outlander,and still got time to turn into a beautiful butterfly if you believe in yourself like you have shown since the hospital visit..I never had that and it was my downfall.

Whatever may happen to the horse is beyond your control outlander, unfortunately it's one of those things when you take on a animal, especially maybe when his owner may had known there was a problem?

[Anony18]

Hi @outlander @Owlunar @Shaz51 and everyone else.

Outlander - sorry been MIA. It has been busy with the holidays and as I have returned lots has happened with year end at work, my younger sister giving birth and catching up with friends and the new guy as well as he returns from holidays himself. I have hardly been able to jump on the computer. Have not even loaded up my Seoul pictures that I took and it has been a week already since my return!

I can see you are still struggling but I can also see the immense support people on the forums are giving you my dear friend. You are not pathetic at all! Please remember that.

I be back on forums tonight so can keep you company and catch up

[outlander]

@Former-Member
I cant seem to help feeling like this. Ive tried the whole look at everything positive. It just doesnt bloody work! Keep a positive mind they say, but I just cant. Ive tried it, I cant seem to stay in that thought train and it changes several times a day.
God I wish I coud loose 56kg. Ive still gotta loose 10kg to get down to my ideal weight, ive already lost 10kg but now the rest of the weight is just hanging there and it wont seem to budge.

If its not my mental health that deteriorates then its my physical health, I still get back problems, hip problems, my neck is the worst and my foot. I have to wear orthopedic shoes but I still seem to pull muscles in the soles of my feet. Like today ive pulled them already but I cant use my boots because they hurt my feet now. Then theres the stupid side effects like throwing up at a trigger and the other physical affects of anxiety, headaches vertigo and whatever else. I cant seem to win!
How can I keep a poisitive state of mind when if its not one thing its another that goes wrong.

The owner, well no one really, knows anything about this horse. Shes a mystery and people have only learnt about her as they do things with her. So atm I know more about here then the previous 2 people that have had her for a short amount of time.

[outlander]

welcome back! Ive missed you it feels like forever since youve been gone!

Sounds like youve been super busy yourself, good things though not dreadful things.
Maye you could upload some pics on here of your holiday, the ones your able to anyway.
I was in hospital for a week while you were away and have only been out just over a week now myself.
I feel pathetic, as I was saying t li1 I cant help it. Ive tried the positive train of thought but it doesnt stick it around. I have tried it. I have but it doesnt work.

I would love to hear about some more of your holidaying adventures

@Anony18

[Former-Member]

I have put weight on outlander due to stress,today I ffeel uncomfortable and doesn't help self worth.Cont know how to lose it,eat for stress,but I have four boobs at the moment or look like I'm pregnant at the age of 45,have to try and go on diet before Spring because I'm self conscious of my stomach which has stress fat from the hormone cortisol- the stress hormone.Im not active,not like I was on the farm and walked along.Now I'm having trouble walking.Went and had the x-ray on my left foot today,got a spur on each heel and one on top of my left foot,plus the rhumatoid arthritis has worsened in the last year.I think there's a chance I need fusion on the top spur,as when I go walking I have to stop constantly and walking agitates it.I should wear orthotics too but got flat,wide feet no arch .Spent 300 on a pair of orthotics once,all the podiatrist did was draw around my feet...The shoes looked like those of Bozo the clown sat there and cried.May or may not need fusion,won't know til I go to the doctor but I know it's a good chance .

Know how's it feels outlander,got to go to x-ray without my mother, because we had a argument...I went out the door stirred up,and she makes me feel guilty and awful.I said today how she needs to get checked out , early this morning she said to me "Today's Friday sn't it?",she stood there with no trigger of reality.I know my mouth dropped and had to tell her it's Monday,then when I got home she left her car lights on.I cried in bed this morning because I googled symptoms of Alzheimer's and dementia,such as withdrawal,memory loss, and other symptoms she's got.She got the shits with me but I been concerned for a while.Wish I didn't bring it up ...Not worth the stress .

Can't answer about the horse...I know it's a hard one especially if you know it could go for dog meat...It's hard to have a heart.

[outlander]

I dont know why I put on weight or cant loose it tbh. Tablets stress whatever it is- atm Its just add it to the list of shite.

Sorry to hear you have heel spurs- that must casue a great deal with pain. Id go to another podiatrist. I wouldnt pay 300 for a pair of orthotic shoes. I only pay 38 for mine but they are only thongs. I dont wear joggers or enclosed shoes very oftena nd when I do they hurt my feet, but then again so do my orthotics atm so not much difference.
Your podiatrist should be able to work within your budget to get you soething appropriate.

I hope your mother doesnt get early onset dimentia, thats not really what you need but I suppose you cant stop human nature and it is what it is hey. Maybe next time you go to the gp with her meantion it to the gp and they can perform all the tests .

The horse wont go for dog meat, not a chance. Ill keep her before that happens

@Former-Member