Seeking mutual support from carers

[Bella1978]

Hi @merri

Thanks for your response - really apreciate it 🙂

Yep, the counsellor thing has been a long time coming I think! Gotta start somewhere. I also see a psychiatrist as I also battle with the black dog.

Acceptance is a very big thing. Somedays I can accept and other days I struggle. Mixture of emotions we go through. But I need to focus on some self care for myself otherwise I'm no good to anyone!

Like you, my mum has both mental and physical health conditions - she is 73.

I tell myself that I am doing my best. I'm doing this on my own, ie without the support of my sister so I need to make hard decisions sometimes.

Thank you for your lovely comments.

Big hugs and peace coming your way too! x

[Former-Member]

Hi @Bella1978
Hope things go ok with Mum in hospital. It can be a breather (even though a time of concern.) Indulging in a few self care things whilst you can often counterbalances the worry.
Darcy

[Bella1978]

Hi @Former-Member

Thank you for checking in with me *hugs*

Have spoken to mum this morning - she hasn't deteriorated which is good - she is stable. I'll be seeing her this afternoon. At this stage they are still trying to get her blood pressure down and medically clear her before transferring her.

Yes, it is a breather and part of me feels guilty as I am able to relax but I also know it is natural to feel that way. With mum's previous hospitalisations I was running around like a headless chook! This time I am making sure I look after myself - have been going for walks everyday. And yes, I have noticed that self care is counterbalancing the worry.

How have you been? Lovely to hear from you.

x

[Determined]

@Bella1978 trust things are going ok for you and your mum. 

[Former-Member]

Checking in @Bella1978

[Bella1978]

@Former-Member @Determined

Hey - thanks for checking in with me, really appreciate it. Um ... things have been eventful with mum to say the least! Before the hospital discharged her they wanted to make sure her blood pressure came down and they wanted to do an mri on her brain. So, as of today, blood pressure is better controlled and mri all clear. But when they were ready to transfer her to mental health clinic she refused 😕

I tried talking to her but she wouldn't change her mind. Luckily the mental health clinic have a bed available for her to be transferred tomorrow. The transfer has been organised for tomorrow morning so I will be praying it goes smoothly. I'll be at the hospital when it takes place so I know it's actually happenned! She keeps me busy that woman!

How are you both??

x

[Susana]

Hi @Bella1978,

Only just logged on first time since Tuesday.

I hope all goes well tomorrow for your mum and you. It's tough, have been there before with mum. In her situation there was also the lamguage barrier which made it even trickier as things often gets lost in translation. Her anxiety caused her to go into panic when she arrived at the mental health hospital...

I didn't fully understand the whole being admitted under the Mental Health Act thing then... And so I had my seven year old ASD son with me during the admission which was a terrible idea...

In the end, the schedule was lifted due to circumstances that happened in hospital and in many ways was relieved that we didn't have to go through the tribunal procedure....

But all agreed that she needed professional help to get her better. That was over a year ago. This time around, we had the choice of going private and had a much better experience.

[Bella1978]

Hey @Susana

Have been thinking of you as I haven't seen you online. How have you been?

What nationality are you? I only ask because you mentioned there was a language barrier. I haven't had to deal with the Mental Health Act admissions - is it pretty full on? What does ASD mean? (Excuse my ignorance)

We made it to the mental health clinic this morning. I really don't know what's going on with mum atm. she told her psych she has been fine which then made me start questioning myself - had i done the wrong thing, etc? but she hasn't been herself and she has been deteriorating. it's tough as we need to make that judgement call sometimes. although, my hands were tied as i had to call the ambulance on monday night when she wasn't responding.

fortunately mum is in a private mental health clinic and she has a lovely psychiatrist who i contact often!

how have you been? how has your week been? i hope everything has been okay for you?

look forward to hearing from you soon.

x

[Susana]

Hi @Bella1978,

Yeah, we do have to make the tough decisions sometimes… I've been told that as people get older, they revert to childlike ways and there's often a bit idmf a role reversal in the parent-child relationship.
Good on you for being there for her!

ASD is short for Autism Spectrum Disorders. My son finds changes in routine difficult and due to his added sensory processing issues, it's very difficult for him to stay still anywhere.

I only learnt about the admissions under the mental health act when mum was transferred from public hospital for physical issues and ling story short, because she did not want to go into the mental health ward, they could admit her against her will if they thought she was in danger if not.

However, she was not well informed and everything was explained through a translator into Chinese and for an elderly 83 year old, any change in environment would be unsettling let alone being asked if she wanted to be transferred into a mental health ward that same day…

Once admitted under the Act, we found out that she waa not allowed to leave and had to attend a tribunal to state her "case" of why they shouldn't keep her against her will. Fortunately, we didn't have to go through that process as she had a fall which was partly due today lack of attention from staff.

Also, once admitted under the Act, she could not be transferred to private health clinic even if she had health cover.

It was a bit of a nightmare really.....

I am very tired and lethargic at the moment, partly due to the exhaustion from caring for two people with high needs (mum and son) and partly that I am still working out how to say "no" in setting my personal limits of care to people who can't take "no" for an answer eg. Mum.

After hospital mum will be going into residential respite for six weeks while we kids work out who will look after her. She was living with us before hospital since dad passed away two years ago.

[Shaz51]

good morning @Susana, @Bella1978, @Former-Member , @merri