Seeking mutual support from carers

[Bella1978]

Reaching out to others who are in a caring role. I look after my mother with multiple health issues, including depression and anxiety. I feel stuck. I can see the signs that the depression has reared its head but my mum doesn't see it. I really struggle when my mum's mental health suffers. I too battle with depression and anxiety. Emotionally, I am all over the place. Hoping there are some others out there who understand what I'm going through.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Bella1978

*waves

I can see things are a bit tough for you at present. It is soooo difficult when we see the ones we love suffering.

@merri @Susana @Catcakes @Shaz51 all look after their mums in different ways.

Will tag you in our virtual cafe thread where one can have a cuppa and lighthearted chat with other understanding souls.

[Bella1978]

Hi Darcy

Thank you for your response. I will check out the virtual thread cafe. Hope to meet others with similar experiences as mine.

[Susana]

Hi @Belle1978,

Totally relate to you. It's tough caring for our mums when their anxiety and depression trigger the same symptoms for us too. It's doubly hard if they are not self aware enough to want to take steps towards help nor see the impact of their behaviour on others.

Hope you can take care of yourself and get the support that you need to manage your anxiety and depression. As I am learning the hard way that we can't care whilst running on empty.

At the end of the day, we can't possibly fix all our parent's problems as much as we would like to.....

[Susana]

Hi @Bella1978,

Sorry for getting you name wrong in the post above.... I didn't have my reading glasses on!

Apologies!

[Bella1978]

Hi @Susana ... thank you so much for messaging me. You are so right - my mum's depression has triggered my depression. I feel guilty as I don't feel I am caring for her the way she needs me to. Also, watching her when she is in a depressed state brings up a lot of childhood memories for me - which triggers me even more.  I started seeing a counsellor at Carers WA yesterday - hoping I can learn some coping strategies for when my mum's mental health is deteriorating. When my mum is physically ill I can cope better - I go into "doing mode" and just get on with it however, shen she is struggling with her mental health, I fall to pieces. I'm trying to remind myself that I need to care for myself. Sorry for waffling on, it's just so nice to meet someone who understands - thank you.

[Determined]

Hi @Bella1978 & welome

[Bella1978]

Hi @Determined - thank you for the welcome 🙂

[Susana]

Hi @Bella1978,

What you experience is so totally me too. Glad you are accessing carers counselling, me too.

My mum also have physical issues too being 84 years old. But those are much easier to manage as often, something can be done like you said.

When my mum is anxious or depressed, she takes out all her negative thoughts on those closest to her.... Therefore, we are all responsible for everything bad that's happening in her life if we can't "fix" them then "why not?"....constant guilt trips and emotional blackmail plus other tricks of manipulation are used to get us to do things to ease her anxiety even when it's not reasonable...... Mental torture I call it.

But, we can't be responsible for everything…we are not all powerful and superhuman.

[Bella1978]

Hi @Susana ... I am glad I saw the counsellor yesterday, and I may look at going to a support group too. I just don't want to feel isolated as I do sometimes. I have 2 very close friends who mean the world to me and are there for me - for which I am blessed - but it's hard for them to fully understand what I am going through.

My mum is 73. Last year she was in and out of hospital which really took a toll on her health - physically and emotionally. It is very hard seeing someone we love, especially our parents, change so much when mental illness takes hold - my mum is such an affectionate person but when depression pays her a visit, she withdraws from me and is so distant. I struggle with it as we are so close - my mum is there physically but not emotionally.

I appreciate you go through quite a bit with your mum as well @Susana. *hugs*