Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

[soul]

The thing is I have kept this a secret from everyone except from one friend and my daughter. I have not reconnected with friends because I don't want to be in the awkward situation where I would have to lie to them. 

[Determined]

Dad paid $$$ for ours over 30 years ago @Smc, its not a woden one though, all steel. Probably worth a bit now, never thought of it like  that. Think the churn holds ~5l of cream, the seperator 10- 15l of milk. 

[Determined]

That dosent seem fair @soul, having to isolate yourself because of what has happened to you. 

[Smc]

Hi @soul.... "Weird isn't it that being involved with someone who has a mental illness ends up with you having one too?" Yeah, know that feeling. I'm waiting to hear back whether my application to get DSP for depression gets through. Everything has just gone on too hard for too long. 

I deliberately avoided Topic Wednesday because I react badly to conflict. On the surface, I usually look like I'm handling it OK, and may even succeed in being a mediator, but it sends me through the roof with adrenaline and anxiety, and takes ages to settle back to some kind of equilibrium. Sorry to hear you've found it so hard. 

(And yup, on the surface in the forums I'm pretty bubbly, but I've been avoiding all except the "social" threads lately because I'm actually running on overload.)

[soul]

@Determined, it's more a case of I don't want people to know. There's a lot of shame and guilt and grief that I am trying to deal with. And it's also difficult to see other people happy in their lives - how tragic is that?

[soul]

I understand @Smc. It's like the bandaid gets ripped off to find the wound is far from being healed.

[Determined]

That would be hard @soul, and yes I can see how seeing others happy would make it harder.

Sometimes people closest to us can say and do the dumbest things even with the best intentions. 

[Smc]

@soul, I simply don't want to have to go into a 50 point explanation with everyone I might tell, so I try to be selective about who I tell. 

I find it hard when friends post on social media about the great time they had going out with their Mum/daughter, because they're the two in my family who have the big ongoing MI problems, so time together with them is generally not relaxing or fun. If you try to tell people that your visit to see your parents was highly stressful and you sort of need a holiday to get over it, it sounds ungrateful. 

[soul]

And sometimes @Determined, people can be intentionally nasty. Unfortunately I have family like that. You guys on the forum are more like family to me. 

[soul]

I deliberately avoided a recent high school reunion because I knew it would be all about "So what have you been doing?" @Smc