Topic Tuesday // What online peer support looks like // Tues 16th July, 7pm-9pm AEST

[BlueBay]

Hi @Razzle ❤️

[Adge]

Reflective listening is far more empathetic & helpful (often) than problem-solving mode @Former-Member

When I am distressed, I most need to feel heard (via reflective listening) - not have a pile of trite answers thrown at me (problem-solving mode).

We often know the answers already ourselves (inside).

When we feel supported & listened to (reflectively) - then action comes more easily (afterwards).

Adge

[Shaz51]

@Former-Member 

I find it depends on the day , time , etc

sometimes i can answer straight away and then othr time it take me a minute

[CheerBear]

I love thinking about trying to see the intent behind the 'fixing' @Former-Member.

Sometimes I can feel really frustrated when I am not feeling heard or understood but someone is in solution mode with me. Like you mentioned @Adge, I, as many of us do, often have the answers ourselves but we need to sit with things first.

Thinking that someone's solutions and fix its are often (hopefully) coming from a place of them really just wanting to help, eases that frustration a bit maybe.

[eth]

Hi everyone @Former-Member @Adge @BlueBay @Razzle @CheerBear @Former-Member  and anyone else here tonight.  Sorry I'm late joining in, I had another comittment.  

I find I try to strike a balance between reflective listening and offering solutions.  And when doing the latter I try to ask if something feels like it might help rather than saying 'you should .....' or 'what you need to do is...'.  Or else I'll express it as something I found helpful if I've had a similar experience.  But it's really important to listen reflectively first to better understand the depth of what someone's going through or feeling.

[Former-Member]

@Razzle 

That's a really good point, checking in on ourselves and measuring what we are capable of giving very powerful thank you.

[Former-Member]

"But it's really important to listen reflectively first to better understand the depth of what someone's going through or feeling."


@eth thank you

[MDT]

@Former-Member I must say that i find it hard to jump into solution mode as I don't know about what works for other people. Sometimes though that can be a problem as people might think I'm dismissing what they say or something..

[eth]

Hi @Snowie too.

I should add that sometimes when a person shares what's going on for them on the forums just writing it all out can help them clarify their thinking in itself.  They don't always want advice, so all the more reason to use listening skills first, and ask if they want suggestions or support or both.  I'd like to think I'll get better at that.

[eth]

Hi @Shaz51