Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

[CARING4CARERS]

I think often we try to work preventatively to avoid further stress, anxiety, failure, relapse for the person we care for and for ourselves/rest of the family. So in that way it's hard to keep the space and be seperate from decision making because ultimately we often bear the brunt of the issues when things go wrong. What advise can you give for keeping out of decisions/boundaries when we can predict these outcomes?

[CARING4CARERS]

@MIFSAsupport Thanks for your response. Can you please define care taking and care giving in the fashion you describes? 

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@MIFSAsupport wrote:

@CARING4CARERS 

The carer or support role is a balancing act between "care giving" and "care taking"

The desire to help someone, especially those close to us, is just human nature. Sometimes, this act of kindness can backfire on us. Are we enabling or empowering? care taking or care giving? Are we lending a hand to help people accomplish things they could not do by themselves.

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[MIFSAsupport]

@Shaz51 

People with a mental illness are rarely totally unwell all of the time, totally out of touch. There are times when thoughts and behaviours are more accessible to rational processes.  Grab this opportunity, do a boudaries plan together and also plan what happens when the boudaries are not working and when they are working.

In a caring role, you may feel you are going round and round in a constant pattern which, ironically, prevents the development of the very behaviours which you want to see?

[Murphy]

I would like to join if that is ok. This is my first time and would like to say thank you so far for the knowledge shared, I am sure this space tonight is going to be beneficial for me. I know that I experience extreme guilt with my daughter when initiating boundaries as it does go against my values as a Mum 😔

[MIFSAsupport]

@Mama_Penguin hello there. I see a lot of carer in my work  taking on too much responsibility in there caring role, and move into rescuer mode. Just food for thought.

[CARING4CARERS]

Welcome Murphy.. my first time too! Thanks for sharing

[Shaz51]

Yes @MIFSAsupport, just lately i have been getting the feeling if i may be  babying my hubby`s Mi too much

[MIFSAsupport]

@CARING4CARERS@Murphy my first time too. What a team.

[MIFSAsupport]

@Shaz51 

The real question for carers is to ask whether their  personal response comes about through feeling guilty, feeling responsible for, feeling sorry for, doubting their loved one's capacity to deal with things for themselves, fearing self harm or suicide, or some, or all of these.

If this is so, the carer's response isn’t about the person being cared for at all. It is about their caring role

[CherryBomb]

Welcome to conversation @Murphy, join whenever you want. 

@MIFSAsupport we've got a few people asking about how boundaries can also cause pressure.

@Mama_Penguin, for instance, is having difficulties at work. Though she's been open about her limits/boundaries, it seems that her work is creating pressure. Also @CARING4CARERS has spoken about the challenges of keeping space in decision-making, which is hard to keep, when their loved one is anxious. It sounds like a difficult balancing act. 

How can you maintain boundaries in intances like these, when other people place pressure on you to potentially break boundaries?