Topic Tuesday // Living with BPD - your questions answered // 3 Oct. 7pm - 9pm AEST

[Former-Member]

Is there a way to explain BPD without people getting confused, scared, or mixing it up with bipolar?

With 9 diagnostic criteria and lots of possible combinations of those, I would just explain what BPD means for me, in simple terms.
My emotions are often overwhelming.
I often use maladaptive coping strategies.
I have a poor (virtually non-existent) sense of self. 
I am terrified of abandonment so I rarely let people in (that way they can’t abandon me).

And I would encourage them to ask me questions.

[NikNik]

It sounds like @Phoenix_Rising that you're both talking about the same thing, but calling it something different.

[outlander]

hi guys i have only recently been diagnosed with BPD about 2 months ago so im really new to it all and really dont have much to contribute here but im following along with the conversation 🙂

[roachy]

Sorry to flood the thread, but just to address scared/confused responses to BPD.

I was incredibly confused and scared when I was first diagnosed, because I just wasn't expecting to hear I had a complex disorder. I met most of the traits in one way or another when I really just thought I had severe depression.

Nothing made sense for a long time, which is when I was was an inpatient at a psych ward, incapable of looking after myself.

Through my own patience and acceptance, I was able to move on from that immensely overwhelming period and start positively working through the diagnosis. As they say, there's no such thing as a full recovery, but I'm really glad that I took proactive steps, especially in the past 12 months, to be stronger, emotionally mostly.

[Shaz51]

I often use maladaptive coping strategies.-- @Former-Member about this -- would this be a controlling strategie of the situation that is happening around you xx

[NikNik]

Thanks everyone for responding to that one. It seems the overarching response is that there are no two similar experiences and people are open to sharing what BPD means to them and how it impacts them.

I don't think we're going to get through all the questions tonight - but lets try and get 1 or 2 more:

How can a person be doing so well with their BPD and then, out of the blue, they’re on a downward spiral again?

[Shaz51]

keep going @NikNik, very interesting xx

[Phoenix_Rising]

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@NikNik wrote:
It sounds like @Phoenix_Rising that you're both talking about the same thing, but calling it something different.

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@NikNik If manipulation and help-seeking behaviour are the same thing, wouldn't it be more appropriate to call it help-seeking behaviour (or even maladaptive help-seeking behaviour) rather than manipulation? The term "manipulation" has super negative connotations, whereas "maladaptive help-seeking" places more emphasis on the idea that the person is seeking help because they are in pain. Surely this in turn would positively shift attitudes and perspectives on how to best support the person???

[Former-Member]

All the more reason for me to try, @Phoenix_Rising.  

I guess manipulative behaviour could be defined as negative deliberate behaviour to make another person react in a certain way.

Standing at the counter of a shop so that someone will serve you is not manipulative.

But if you were standing at the counter, saying in a really loud voice ‘Wow, the service here is SO SLOW!’ so that someone will come and serve you—that would be manipulative.

Or another example:

You’re waiting in the queue at a taxi rank so you can go home. Not manipulative

But if you pretend to limp like you’ve got a really sore leg so that other people will let you jump the queue—that would be manipulative.

[Determined]

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@glitterbee wrote:

@Determined I'm glad my explanation interested you.
Manipulation can definitely be hard. I know my husband finds it challenging at times.
I definitely believe that most people with BPD aren't going out of their way to hurt others, and as you said, they're often trying to control their environments to be safe.
But I'm really glad that you're aware of this dynamic because while the manipulation is understandable, it can also hurt others, so it's important to keep an open conversation about this possibility and talk about ways you can work together to create that safety for your wife without you being on the other end of manipulation.

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A bit behind here, had to duck out for family dinner time

@glitterbee, it has only been in the past month during her last hospital admission that anyone has told my darling she was being manipulative (it was the pdoc when she was trying to get discharged after I made the difficult and painful decision to have her admitted). She was genuinely supprised and incenced that he would say that. It did however open the channels for us to have a discussion about it for the first time ever which added weight to our new boundaries.  The total supprise served to reinforce my belief that in most instances this is not intentional.