Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

[Sissy88]

I think @@Faith and hope's comment about setting boundaries and doing your own thing is great advice because you have to live with it and have an escape route to remind yourself your sane and there are other sane people out there that empathise and understand what it's like. I see a pshycologist because as victims of mental health we need professional advice and guidance so we don't drown in the problem and lose our own sanity

[Shaz51]

you are not alone @neenb80 my friend

Mr shaz , my husband is doing that , he goes off his meds until I say -- " are you taking your meds " and he says "No , can you tell

ammm Yes so he will go back on that nad then he does it again until he cant cope and then he takes them again

[Shaz51]

I agree @Sissy88 xx'

@Faith-and-Hope, how did you start and to keep the balance xx

[NikNik]

Hi @neenb80

It sounds like you're putting in the hardyards with your husband. We're about to wrap up for the night, but some discussions you might find helpful to check out here are:

Ups and Downs of Husband's Mental Illness which @Shaz51 started, and an older discussion Wives caring for husbands

I would encourage you and everyone else here who would like to get advice and support specific to their situation, to start a new discussion either after this session or this week. 

I'm glad you have found some of links helpful 🙂

[NikNik]

So true @Sissy88 !

[Former-Member]

So far tonight we have touched on a 'Stages of Change' Framework (page 1&2 of this chat) , we’ve touched on having difficult conversations with a loved one and how the use of “I” statements can sometimes be of usefulness.

We’ve covered the idea of boundary setting and looked at how we can implement this into our lives. Self care also has a major part to play and looking at when you last implemented self care into your routine can be a great way to notice how often you are offering yourself the self care and self compassion.

Thank you for participating in tonight’s Topic Tuesday, it really is great to have you all here and helping form the carers forum community. As tonight’s discussion closes I’d like to provide a few resources which may be of assistance to you. The Sane Help Centre is also available for further discussions from Monday - Friday 9am -5pm, on 1800 187 263.

Carers Australia (& in each state) http://www.carersaustralia.com.au/
Mental Health Carers in each state: http://www.mentalhealthcarersaustralia.org.au/ https://mentalhealthcarerstas.org.au/ 
Helping Minds WA http://helpingminds.org.au/
Tandem https://tandemcarers.org.au/

Thanks again for your contributions 🙂

[Sissy88]

Also the points raised by Sanefan and Pebbles about trying to get the person to understand how their behaviour impacts on the lives of those around them can be the biggest battle, they may not intend to hurt loved ones by avoiding what they don't want to face up to but we have to face it and deal with it and not compain or question, this is what makes caring for them so hard

[Shaz51]

Thankyou @NikNik, @Former-Member, for a very interesting , encouraging night

and thankyou everyone for coming and please come and join us on the threadsmy friends xx

[Faith-and-Hope]

I am sorry to hear it @neenb80 .....: but that is the point where I signed off on my WH ...... I am a carer for him, and a co-parent as much as I can with now all adult children ...... and a house-mate, but even couples counselling, which we have also been referred to now, is not going to be able to help us until the mi issues are breached, and listening to the psychotherapist specialising in eating disorders who Indoubd this year, it is psychologically and perhaps physically dangerous for me to speak up about them without the therapist being aware beforehand ..... and it seems that avenue is blocked to me by privacy laws.

I am feeling painted into a corner, but I have faith and hope that it won't actually be like that by the time we get there ...... that there will be little inroads made that will affect the overall whole, and that there will be things that I can say without incurring the wrath of WH that help him to whistle-blow on himself through his lack of insight ...... sometimes what is seen as a weakness can turn out to be a strength. I am counting on that at the moment, and will be oh so happy to share our progress should that be the case.

[neenb80]

Hi @Shaz51 ah how frustrating is it!? My husband is also very stubborn, strong willed and independent and very much his own person so having people involved in his life at such a personal level is a struggle enough without what he says is the constant nagging.