Topic Tuesday / 24 March 7pm AEDT / Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

[Untethered]

Why can't you tell your employer? You may be surprised at how understanding they will be. I have been open with mine and when I do need to take days off for similiar reasons to yourself I can do it guilt free, to let go of your job, your last piece of normality as you say would be disastrous, I am thankful for work most days because it is the only time I am not thinking of my daughter and all the related problems,, i think i would lose my last thread of sanity without it and then I wouldn't be able to help anyone... hang in there 🙂

[Rjb]

Hey, concerned I have found that when I share my situation with family friends and colleagues I have found them supportive- I take time to educate them about the illness and when I do that I find I reawaken knowledge I have put away. This helps me become calm and caring again

[Rjb]

She has an appt tomorrow with GP, dr and I have had 3 x conversations today. I expressed my concern that it may be time for a psych intervention again . Daughter was in hospital for. Oct and nov 2014, May be time again, she was sectioned and may need that again

[Former-Member]

Hi CherryBomb that's a really good question about how we manage after life has been so radically altered. I think it is about finding a balance of connecting with your old life  and also accommodating the chages that have occured. The "old life" may never come back exactly as it was, and that in itself can be cause for grief. However we can learn to grow around this loss and to find new ways of living in the changed world that we are now in. It's also importnat to take time out from the demands of caring from someone and to nuture yourself.

[CherryBomb]

Great post from @Viv 

Feeling like we're lost in fog, and further blinded by guilt and a sense obligation can create obstacles to having a relationship. @Viv , can I ask how you, or what made you have that realisation? 

[Concerned]

Hi Sarah,

I'd love any advice on how to get some freedom back.  Because my daughter is suicidal, and has been for around six months, she sees me as her 'rock'.  She's not coping with anything, and I feel totally smothered. I hardly socialise or do anything on my own for fear that it will be too much for her and she will end it all.

[Attahua]

Thanx Sara, my partner's family and I do not have a particularly positive relationship with his doctor as the doc reduces meds without consulting the MHT and psychiatrist and the Guardianship board so feel very frustrated about that. As we live in a country town my partner has pretty much had three psychiatrists in past year due to them being fly in fly outs and temporary. We finally have one who is staying but when he met my partner he made him feel as though he was just taking up his time as right now my partner is as well as he can be and only sees the doc because it is part of his CTO!! To say he lacks insight would be an understatement although he is getting better at acknowledging that he has schizophrenia but will not accept the schizo effective diagnosis even tho he has lived with this for 25 years grrrrr

[Concerned]

Hi untethered, I haven't told my employer for two reasons. Firstly, I don't want my daughter to be judged and spoken about like she has two heads and secondly, it's a place I can go where I am just like everyone else. It's nice not to be asked questions constantly about how she is.

[3forme]

Thanks Viv,

I can certainly relate to this. My daughter became very unwell several years ago. I think we can hide our feeling of loss and grief when we're busy getting care in the early days. But, at some stage I think as carers we need to face up to our sense of loss.

When I came to the conclusion that I couldn't change her, or her illness, I realised that I had to change myself and the way I thought about things.

I sometimes think about the 15 year old girl that she was when she had a psychosis, but then I move on to the lovely courageous young woman she has become. Not living the life she would otherwise be living, but a good life regardless of the illness she lives with.

[Concerned]

Hi Rjb, my family is also unaware of my daughter's problem. She was severely bullied at school which started this problem. My sister's daughters (her two cousins) were some of the bullies, one of them was relentless. This was brought up with my family at the time and it caused a huge family drama. Not going there again!