Hi Fhr,
I just posted to Hydrangea and some of that might be relevant to you as well. It was about serotonin levels and chronic body inertia. It was also about the effect that media such as computer games, movies and music have on mental health. The effect of these cannot be underestimated. You can't just get him off them but it helps to research and understand for yourself. If a child has played a lot of computer games he has released so much serotonin in childhood that the brain then becomes depleted of it and lethargy and depression ensue. The serotonin cannot be replaced by alcohol, heroin, methadone or psychiatric medication because these simply take more serotonin out of the brain and put it into the bloodstream. Gradually the brain learns to remake its own serotonin and the drug or alcohol can be stepped down. It would be great if he could find a good AOD (Alcohol and other drug) counsellor who could gradually communicate this to him over time. There are funded services such as Turning Point, WRAD, SECADA, ReachOut Australia, so you don't have to pay. You can go to counselling yourselves as well and to parent support groups to meet other parents going through the same thing. It is really good that he is still at home, you want him to be independent but if he is not ready he could be very vulnerable out there. It is a sign he feels comfortable with you on some level that he stays at home even though he might be difficult to get along with. When people are suffering they are not themselves. It is hard not to take it personally and it is very constant so a parent support group might be good for you.
You can't change him, it's a long slow process. Bit by bit he will find his solutions, eg he might find that getting off media makes him feel better. He might find some sort of hobby. Giving him his own tea and coffee facilities is like saying to him you are happy for him to take space, you don't need him to talk to you. Then there might be the magic day when he comes out of his room and initiates a conversation with you himself That could be huge for him. Try not to judge one single thing he says. I once lived in my parents' house for nearly a year without speaking to them and it took me 3 years to trust them, not because they were not trustworthy but because I had so much going on in my head, voices yelling at me, pelting me, abusing me, night and day, that I could not talk to anybody. I refused medication and it did settle down over time but it was very hurtful to my loved ones because they had no reference point available to understand what I was going through.
Watch out for signs of suicidal ideation such as saying, Everyone would be better off without me around. Go to a parent support counsellor to find out what to do if this happens.
Good luck. I really hope you all get through it. I really really do.
Merry Berry
