Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

[Anastasia]

Thank you @Former-Member 

Hi @Bron 

Hi all 👋

[Centro]

Hi there, this is my first forum and having teething problems understanding how this all works, to the question- the challenge I have is setting the boundary in the first place with a loved one, without progressing to probably adding another event to the week

[Bron]

FindingStrength, that doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. It just means that your loved one doesn't like boundaries. When you know what to expect, you know can be better prepared to keep calm and just make your statement.

[Former-Member]

@FindingStrength I am sorry to hear of this, being yelled at taps into a primitive fight/flight or freeze response which can be very hard. It makes sense to fear the notion of a reaction to a boundary with your loved one. Even those living with mental health issues need to be accountable for behaviour that's not okay We're here to sit with you in the journey. Also our help centre could be really good for a call to unpack this, you can book a chat with them confidentially here 🙂 Or chat with the team at Arafmi on 1300 554 660 (24/7).

[Dama]

Requests for money. Conversations at high volume. Wishing I could say right thing and not seem so separate.

[Shaz51]

yes balance is the hardest bit for me , I agree @Former-Member , @Bron 

[Former-Member]

@Dama Welcome and thank you for sharing A theme of the loud conversations tonight, very hard for carers 😞 This is very understandable. This notion of feeling "seperate", also quite powerful. Have you ever communicated this feeling of seperateness to your loved one? 

[luckymeaunty]

With great difficulty and perseverance. Keeping going. Remembering I am a person with wants and needs etc myself. It is a tough gig. I am learning every day. Sometimes I write on a piece of paper something along the lines of....I would like to acknowledge to myself how I handled the financial, emotional, psychological situation yesterday, and more so today. Well done (my name) you are doing a good job. ...this note is for my eyes only

[Former-Member]

@Centro hello! Welcome 🙂 Teething problems are very understandable. Are you on a laptop/computer? We do find it's easier to be on that as opposed to a smaller device as it's text based and requires a lot of browser refreshing.

Thanks for sharing.. Setting a boundary for sure can be difficult, especially if we don't often do it. Is there a reason you don't want to set the boundary? Fear of their response or similar? We're here to listen and again, welcome to our community 🙂 

[FindingStrength]

Thanks. I'm getting better at recognising whats mine & whats not. But I might call the help centre to discuss it more.

It is hard to distinguish the illness from the behaviours...