Carers Week Live Chat // What do you wish you knew when you were a new 'carer' // LIVE NOW!

[Shaz51]

Hi Kisia  , i have enjoyed reading all the comments , my husband has depression and we have our own small mowing and domestic cleaning business which is getting harder since my husband went to hospital, one day he wants to give the whole business away and then he wants to keep the business, I try to do something for myself but everyday he changes his mind , sometimes you end up forgetting about myself and trying to find a solution which is soo hard

[NikNik]

That's such a good point @Kisia It's okay to have positive and negative emotions/feelings about a person... and they can co-exisit and fluctuate - It's okay.. and it's normal.

In terms of being informed... I think you mentioned 'knowing your rights'. Sometimes as carers we get mixed messages or have different experiences through different organisations / hospitals / doctors  - what resources and/or strategies have you used to feel informed.

[Kisia]

Welcome @Shaz51 yeah I dont think any person finds self-care easy at the start, or when the person we care for is unwell, but those are the times that its needed most. Maybe seperating what your husband pans to do with the business from your self-care is the first step? Unfortunately things are up and down when mental illness is invovled but our self-care needs to come in regardless. Find the small things that can be bought into regardless of what he is doing or thinking that day. I started with the following things:

- I would buy or pick flowers and have a vase on the table each week - so I would wake up and see something pretty each day

- I found a coffee I liked and always bought that brand - the extra few dollars was worth my sanity

- I found a perfume I like - it lifts my mood just smelling it

- I started writing in my journal 

[Janna]

I think it's also really important for carers to be as knowledgeable as possible with regard to the mental health illness that is affecting our loved ones.  Understanding their illness brings a greater understanding of their behaviour and with that comes a reduction in our stress levels.

[Kisia]

@NikNik Yeah getting information was pretty much the first thing I did. I felt a little like Dorathy in the Wizzard of Oz at the start, world turned  upside down, in an unfamiluar place where people spoke acronyms I didnt know or about things I didnt understand. So I did a few things as soon as I could think strait:

- contacted local services - to ask if I could meet with someone to get information, support and advise often this is includes learning about how to "navigating the system" which basically means learning what to do, when, who to call and how different services operate.

- look at online websites - SANE, COPMI National, Beyond Blue, HelpingMinds, Carers Australia and for me there was also websites about schizophrenia as thats what my mum has

- look up the legislation and shortened factsheets about it - so in wa thats the Mental Health Bill of 2014, and the Carers Recognition Act of 2004. The Mental Health Commission of WA has shortened factsheets on the bill and the WA Department of Local Government and Communities has a flyer on the act. Each state should ahve an equivelant mental health commission/office. 

[Shaz51]

Hi Kisia    you have some great points there, I will have to find the movitation be get started and to continue as sometimes you start ok and then all of a sudden you are back where you have started

[Kisia]

A really big thing when I started to get info was finding out the following:

- What is the illness, symptoms, treatment options (medicaiton and therapies), and the different types of services that can support people - its not just a mental health nurse or hospital thats important theres also case workers, peer support workers, and recovery workers that are invaluable

- what my rights were as a carer - I have a right to know what thier diagnosis is, what treatment they are recieving, what services are involved, and be included in determining these, I can attend and request family meetings, discharge meetings, reviews, etc. I also can provdie the clinicians with informaiton to help them make a more informed assessment of how my mum is going. MOST importantly I can ask them for tips on what I can do or how I should respond if I notice my mum is becomeing unwell.

- what supports are out there for me - I started to get counselling, went to workshops and ifnormation sessions, went to support groups and was in carer workshops like the Recovering Our Families online course, COPMI support Group, Well Ways programs, etc

[Shaz51]

Yes Janna     I believe that too

[NikNik]

That's a great list of resources @Kisia

We have about 10 mins left - so if anyone has questions for @Kisia speak now 🙂

@Kisia while we wait to see if there are any other questions - do you want to share any more tips you have?

[Kisia]

@Shaz51 yeah I still get those time but its important to challange how you think about things, your never back where you started, you are always one step forward because you now can reflect. I correct myself when ever I think or say things like, im back there again, or i should have, etc. I say I feel Im back there because that might be how I feel but if I take a step back I realise Ive learnt something, I know something so I actually am a little further ahead then I was last time I was there. Kinda get it? 

And because of that its never a failure to feel like youre back there, just another opertunity to learn something new. When youre training in the gym, or in a sports club you never say oh Im back at the start of the game again, because each time you play your sport there is a new game which has a new start. Life's like that. We just get to perfect the first part of the game a few times.