Feeling worthless at work

[GalaxyOwl]

I've recently just passed my 6 month probation at my current job (I work in admin, talent coordination role) and for the last month or so ive felt like nothing I do is enough for my boss, that despite everything I do, meeting my targets, maintaining open communication, etc. etc. etc.

I feel like I'm being treated like a bad fart in an enclosed space.

One day I'll get positive feedback, but its also with the caveat that 'this is your job, congratulations on meeting the bare minimum, do better next time' and when I actually do really well, it's almost never recognised.

My wins are glossed over and taken for granted, and my missteps are constantly scrutinised beyond what I feel is reasonable. I feel like im being unfairly treated compared to other staff members. 

Lately when I try to escalate things to my manager, he tells me to just deal with them myself. Encouraging me to open dialogue with people who are actively harassing me and other staff members, in an effort to supposedly "represent the business". We are not doing business with these people. we want them to stop harassing us.

Every day I struggle to get up for work because I'm genuinely afraid of what kind of bullshit I'm going to have to deal with. and every time it happens it's like someone is loading a boulder on to me. 

I can't go on like this. I've updated my resume and I'm going to be writing up a cover letter template tonight.

I'm just really worried because I don't really have any references from the last few jobs and don't know what to do about it. my current references are from jobs more than 5 years ago, and many of the referees have moved on with their lives.

My partner is trying to help me with a dsp application, but that's going to take months and months and months to get through. 

I feel hopeless and given my past work history I just feel like im never going to find a workplace that works well for me and im just going to work myself to the point of breakdown every single time. like I always have. 

it will never change. it's always going to be like this.

[Ru-bee]

Hey @GalaxyOwl 

I can hear how disheartening and frustrating it is to never feel that your efforts at work are being appreciated or recognised. What a demoralising message to send in a workplace that whatever you do, you should have done better. I imagine managers think this will be motivating, so workers can always be striving for better, but I can't think of anything less motivating and more tiring than that sort of attitude!

If you do feel as though you are being unfairly treated and are worried about how long it might take to secure another role, I might suggest taking notes of these little (or not so little) incidents as they occur, including the lack of intervention and support from management. If needed you can present this to HR, or if it results in some sort of psychological injury like burn out, then you could use this evidence to make a work cover claim if you find yourself unable to work. 

I know that they can seem few and far between, but there are good workplaces out there, and I sincerely hope that you're able to find one for your next role

[MJG017]

Hey @GalaxyOwl.  I'm sorry your having such a hard time with this new job.  I guess like anywhere, having a bad manager or boss can make the life very difficult when you're not enjoying being at work and feeling so unappreciated.  A boss with good people skills, certainly wouldn't make you feel like that.

I agree with what @Ru-bee suggested in getting every interaction down in writing if possible.  Keep a copy of all messages and emails.  If you are ever in a situation where it comes down to your word vs your boss, then you'll be glad you've kept a record.

A lack of references isn't the end of the world by any means.  There are always ways around it, especially when you've lost contact with old ones... which happens all the time.  If there's no one else at your current job that can give you a reference then maybe not avoid that at any future interviews.  It will just look suspicious.  Instead you can explain it like...

"Due to a challenging environment at my previous role, I was unable to request a reference from my direct manager.  While the situation with my previous manager was challenging, it taught me the importance of communication and profession boundaries.  I feel confident that i've grown from the experience and am focussed on contributing positively within a new team."

It explains the lack of a reference and your self awareness to learn from difficult situations.  Also that you're honest without being negative and haven't badmouthed anyone in your explanation.  All of which are valuable traits.  If you know of anyone outside the work environment who's opinion may carry some weight then you could ask them for a reference to backup your character after your explanation about your previous role.

Keep trying, and dont let these people make you feel worthless.  They did pick you for the job out of all the people who replied, so they certainly didn't see you as worthless... they choose you!  It's not your fault their staff management skills are bad.  Would you treat a staff member you supervised like you've been treated?  I'm guessing not.  So a person who does treat staff like that, has an opinion that you probably shouldn't pay much attention to.  You got this job, you can get another and hopefully it's somewhere more appreciative of what you bring to the role.  Good luck to you going forward.

[SkySeeker22]

Hi @GalaxyOwl 

I'm so sorry to hear of the awful time you are having at work. It's so disheartening to feel like nothing you do is good enough and that you are feeling anxious every day about the stuff you may have to deal with at work.

It's so good that you have recognised this and are actively doing something about it by updating your resume and cover letter to look for a new job. Things will not always be like this, you just need to find the right fit for you in employer and workplace! Don't stress too much about your references from other jobs. As @MJG017 said you can explain why you don't have a direct manager reference from your current employer... is there a co-worker that you may be able to put down as a referee from the same employer who could speak to your skills and abilities and work ethic?

@Ru-bee mentioned some good points about writing notes about the goings on at work so you have evidence to take to HR about your manager. I would also suggest that if others are present when these things happen to also note who they are so there's back up if needed. 

I'm a big one for celebrating the wins when they come, even the smallest of wins. Congrats on making it through your probation period! With all the things that are going on at work that is nothing to sneeze at, and  it really shows the strength you have in being able to stick it out.

We are always here if you need to chat or vent.

Warm regards

SkySeeker22 

[defaultusername]

Hi @GalaxyOwl,

Thank you for sharing with us and congratulations on passing your probation, but I am sorry that it's come at a cost. It sounds like you have to deal with quite a toxic workplace and are experiencing a lot of work related stress, which is taking too much of a toll on your wellbeing.

That's great advice from @Ru-bee and @MJG017 about how to deal with incidents while you're still in your current role, and how to explain the lack of more recent/current referees during your search for a new job.

That's very kind of your partner to help you with the DSP application, as it can be overwhelming. When I was on the DSP I was lucky enough to have a really good doctor help me with the application, do you have a regular GP? As they may also be able to help you with it all.

I understand why you feel like this right now… but things will improve.

Good luck with everything and we hope to hear from you soon.

[GalaxyOwl]

Thankyou everyone for your support. I really appreciate it.

Currently it seems everyone at work is in a similar boat, and i feel like eventually everyone is one by one going to move on. 

Even my manager has clearly had enough. 

I've just stopped wanting to deal with certain parts of my job, because what's the point?

We can't pay our subcontractors so why should I bother putting any effort into onboarding?

Why should I bother spending energy talking up the company to potential partnerships if I know they will never get paid on time and theyre going to blame me?

Every day I have to fight the urge to quit, because I cannot afford 6 weeks without pay waiting for centrelink if I can't find another job.

I'm trying to not overwork myself, but currently I'm just struggling to do the bare minimum, because why bother?

I don't know how to handle this when the problem isn't my attitude, at the end of the day, even though it's being made out like it is.

I hate this.