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Ginger12
Contributor

Eating disorders

I have had an eating disorder for 23years. It has swung from anorexia to bulimia, to somewhere in between. It goes through periods where it has been an serious issue, too a place where it still very much there but I have been pretty much able to get on with things.

 

Im just interested in anyone else's experience of BPD and an eating disorder....

6 REPLIES 6

Re: Eating disorders

Hi @Ginger12

congratulations on getting to a place where it still hurts very much but you have pretty much been able to get on with things, that would have taken an awful lot of work and continuous maintenance. 

Just wondering what made it harder and what helped you?

im not sure if you have had much of a look around the forums but there is also a thread called BPD and Anorexia where @Sehnsucht suggests EDV as a helpful support there is also a very active thread called BPD realisation... where they are discussing treatment options but as there is significant comorbidity between the two and overlap in that emotion regulation is usually a feature of treatment in both, then if your up to it, it would be great if you said hi there or in other BPD threads also. 

what do others think?

Re: Eating disorders

Brilliant thanks

Re: Eating disorders

At this moment in time the ED isn't good. I am finally trying to battle, but god it's a hard thing to do. I am inpatient at the moment to try to normalise my eating, and to deal with that anxiety in a safe environment. Things were just getting worse, and going round in cycles. With the BPD more in control along withe DBT skills I have learnt; I am in a better headspace . So hopefully I can make actual steps to recovery (or what ever it may look like for me). I'm under no illusion that it will just go. Changing behaviours and the thoughts associated that have been there for two decades won't simply go. I just would like to get to a place where it's less prominent. Even during the "better" times when I have been physically healthier, and I guess eating is somewhat better  (although still disordered in many many ways); the psychological part has never really changed. Yes it's intensity may of been less but it has always been very much there.

i do not want to use alcohol to eat a meal on the days my husband is home- (he works late so I do my own thing). I want to be able to sit down and have a normalise meal, not freak out, not have that overwhelming guilt, not having to compensate the next day. I don't want to restrict to the point I'm exhausted, Cold, dizzy, have headaches and disturb sleep. I don't want to continuously count, petrified I have eaten more than I calculated, wake up several times in night wanting to weigh myself, the control the scales has over my mood. The guilt all day every day, every mouthful filling me with disgust and failure. I have strived for something that has NEVER been enough. It would never be low enough. I want to look in the mirror and think "Yeagh I look ok today". I need to do this. Boy it will be a long journey with blips. I'm doing DBT again next year so hopefully it will allow me to further my journey.

 

ah well that's enough!

Re: Eating disorders

Hi @Ginger12

You should be really proud of yourself. You seem to have identified some end goals for yourself and are taking the steps towards it. 

I'm really glad that you're finding being an inpatient helpful. 

Can I ask (& totally find if you don't want to share), what is your day to day like as an inpatient? Do you have activities, therapy sessions.

Everyone's experience seems to be different, so I thought it might be interesting for others to hear what your experience is like.

Nik

Re: Eating disorders

There are daily activities-  art, yoga, relaxation, psychology groups, OT group, and what feels like food every two minutes. On top of that is lounge time after meals, and doctors, psychiatrist, dietitian and individual psychology. Pretty full on!

Re: Eating disorders

Oh my goodness that sounds so similar to myself. I’ve had anorexia for 20 years and went into inpatient for 9 months back in 2006. After 5 brain operations and my twin sister dying in 2016, I immediately went back to the eating disorder to cope with my life. I cannot seem to get myself out of this hole. 

 

I have had 3 inpatient stays, all of which went well, but as soon as I got home I went back to old habits. I now have the threat of a fourth admission, and have the fear that I’m going to be spending the rest of my life going in and out of hospital.

 

is there anything anyone can do to help me get out of this course cle.

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