To preface (I got discharged from a youth mental health team, they diagnosed me with schizophrenia and MDD), my psychiatrist said that my long standing belief/feeling that social interaction is immoral/unhealthy/wrong MAY BE a part of my psychosis. Although I've had this immoral belief/feeling since I was in preschool, but it only started bothering me once I started medication 4 years ago. (I could finally understand why I avoided interaction) Although I was medicated for other more concrete psychotic reasons. I'm currently on two antipsychotics, quite high doses.
So this immoral belief/feeling bothers me to no end, I know it's a problem, but I choose to believe it as it seems to be some kind of duty I have to partake in. My psychiatrist seems stumped as to what it actually is though, as he said I MAY BE a psychotic symptom.
Now the problem is, my counsellor brought up that she notices that I don't want to give that immoral feeling/belief up, I agree with that. As I have had it my whole life and losing it would be a "major personality change" (I'm not sure what else to call it.), My psychiatrist proposed that I change to another medication that has a better efficacy than my current medications and see if that helps with my other more concrete psychotic symptoms but losing that immoral feeling/belief is really worrying me, I would not know what to do with myself if it was gone. I WANT it gone, but it's a "major" part of me. ( I know it's not that easy, but if the medication reduces it to a degree, it's still a major change)
Anyone have a similar experience? Like reducing/losing an "important" delusion with medication use/therapy? Did you get used to it? (again I'm not saying what I'm going through is a delusion/psychotic symptom, but it's that only thing that makes sense after all my searching for answers, and my psychiatrist said it's a possibility as well.)
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