I’m in a relatively new relationship, we’ve been together around 6 months. I have four young children from a past relationship. We’re in a same sex relationship.
I’ve always noticed that my partner experiences mental health problems, which surfaces in my partner being very angry, threatening self harm and shouting at me. I was coping for a while but now I’m finding myself becoming depressed and frightened at times. I cry most days because I just don’t know what to do. I’m also frightened to speak to my partner about her behaviour as she will usually become angry and start yelling.
This week she told me she experiences Borderline Personality Disorder. I listened and asked her how I can help and support her. She said she needs me to show her more intimacy. Last week we were sexually intimate several times. I tell her I love her everyday. But I feel that she doesn’t recognise any of these things that I do.
8 months ago she was released from prison, and I have totally accepted her past. She has said she needs time to adjust back into life which I have agreed to support by means of financially supporting her as well as emotional support.
The night before last was not a great one, but I stayed up with her talking until 4am. I had work the next day. During that day she has organised for us to visit one of her friends for drinks and to smoke pot. I don’t actually smoke it very often. I suppose I was just surprised that despite the previous night and our discussions around self care she then went straight to taking drugs. Also a lack of recognition that I had just worked 10 hrs with only 4 hours sleep, I was exhausted. She also went and purchased a large amount of pot which means she’ll be smoking during the day whilst I’m at work. I just found it very inconsiderate to do these things considering the discussion the night before. I fear she is not getting help and taking drugs which will only make everything worse.
She has previously threatened to take the car out after drinking, and so I find myself hiding the keys when she becomes like this. She has been so angry before that she has slammed a sliding security screen so many timed and so hard that it bent the metal. That was the most frighted I’ve ever been as I never know if one day her anger will turn to me.
i really do love her but I feel I need to look after myself as well as her. But I do need her to be looking after herself too.
What can I do to support her?
What can I do to keep myself and my children safe?
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