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Welcome & getting started

Re: inconsistent behaviour

Hi @Shaz51 , I believe the message above was for you.

 

Sitting with you @Herewegoround . Please take care at this time. I don’t believe these ‘attacks’ from your daughter are targeted at you. I feel there are things she’s really struggling with. 

Main thing is for now is that you do things as part of your own self care.

 

Please continue to reach out and ask questions if you are struggling to navigate the forums or anything else. It’s a great community here and I’m sure many will be more than willing to help you.

 

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor

Re: inconsistent behaviour

Ohh my @Herewegoround  are the days getting more and more my friend 

Sitting with you my friend xx 

Re: inconsistent behaviour

Hi @Herewegoround 

 

I just wanted to reach out to welcome you to the forums - it’s great to have you here 💜

 

Thank you so much for sharing this part of your story with us 💜

 

As I listened to what’s been happening for you, I could hear so many powerful emotions and I also got the sense that perhaps there are times when you find yourself walking on eggshells.

 

The relationship that you share with your daughter sounds incredibly complicated and just from what you’ve described, I can really appreciate how anxious, confused and powerless you may be feeling not only in terms of what’s happening, but also in terms of finding a way to address the issues that are causing you considerable distress 💜

 

In my experience, it can be incredibly difficult not to feel as though we’re responsible for the way that people behave towards us and I think that it’s great that you’ve been able to consider that your daughter’s behaviours may be in response to other things that are happening for her.

 

However, although having a level of insight can help us to be able to appreciate what may be happening for our loved ones, I’m also painfully aware, that this alone doesn’t protect us from the hurt and distress that can often occur as a result of these interactions 💜

 

As I sat here thinking about your relationship, I noticed that you shared ‘this has happened before.’ As such, I just ever so gently wondered if you’ve found anything helpful in the past and / or if there’s something that you feel would be helpful for you now?

 

Absolutely! Consistency is one of the needs that we all have and it’s completely understandable that this is something that you need in the relationship that you share with your daughter 😊 In my experience, consistency not only helps us to strengthen our connections, but it also enables us to build trust - which is an essential ingredient in all of our relationships.  

 

Although it’s not possible to stop anxiety (I really wish that it was) it is possible to learn how to take care of ourselves during these times, so that the anxiety that we’re experiencing becomes more manageable and doesn’t completely overwhelm us 💜

 

For example, when I’m feeling anxious, I find it helpful to create a safe and comfortable space for myself, where I can watch one of my favourite DVD’s or listen to some music that complements how I’m feeling 😊 I’ve also found it helpful to immerse myself in some creative projects and as such, I bought an adult colouring in book and spent some time bringing the pictures to life with my coloured pens and pencils 💜

 

In addition to the above, I created opportunities where I could physically remove myself from my environment, as this provided me with some much needed respite from everything that was happening around me. For example, on some occasions I went for a walk in a nearby park and on other occasions I visited the ocean, as I find that there’s something incredibly soothing about watching and listening to the rhythmic patterns of the waves 💜

 

I noticed that you shared that you love spending time in your garden and as such, I just ever so gently wondered if this could be a place where you can go when you’re feeling anxious and overwhelmed?

 

Also, just while I remember, one of the things that really helped me when I was new to the forums and still finding my way around, was that if you would like to chat with another forum member, or reply to one of their posts, place @ in front of their username just like I did at the start of my post to you i.e. @Herewegoround  that way, they will receive a message that you have contacted them 😊

 

I hope that this helps you a little bit and please remember that you’re always welcome to reach out here whenever you need to 💜

 

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

 

ShiningStar 💜

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