Hi @Lilian2015
You said
I always knew I struggled to cope more so than others and that when I hurt, I really hurt.
It is many years since I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I clearly recall at the time feeling a sense of happiness or relief. At the time I though that at last someone had discovered what my problem was and that now they would be able to help me. If I knew then what I know today I would have been less than overjoyed at my new diagnosis.
I can say without any doubt that the mental health profession has caused me far more distress and grief throughout my life than the original problem which was essentially one of feeling somewhat different to others and struggling to cope with these differences.
About three years ago, I was watching an ABC television interview with some prominent psychologist who informed the audience that “hearing voices” was common to at least 5% of society and possibly as many as 15%. The majority of these people were not considered mentally ill at all and were living perfectly normal lives. This psychologist also said that many people who heard voices were too frightened to reveal or discuss these experiences with others in case they might be considered mentally ill. I started doing my own research and discovered that this information was entirely correct. Furthermore it has been known about for at least 30 years but no doctor or psychiatrist prescribing anti-psychotic medication to me ever mentioned this.
Even today, in the latest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, (DSM-5) which is used by the majority of psychiatrists world wide, these same “differences” that are shared by a significant percentage of the normal population are listed as two of the prominent features of schizophrenia.
Many experts regard bipolar disorder and schizophrenia as having much in common. Both are considered psychotic illnesses and both are usually treated with anti-psychotic medication.
With either of these so called illnesses, if you get into the hands of the wrong doctors and there are plenty of them around, you can finish up being given increasingly large doses of medication in an attempt to stabilise your condition. If you don’t cooperate with this treatment, which can have a devastating impact on your life, you can be declared by your doctor as a person who is a danger to yourself or others, placed on an Involuntary Treatment Order (ITO) and forced to take medication by long term slow release injections. Resist an ITO an you can finish up in jail. These ITO’s appear to be increasingly used (abused) these days by the psychiatric profession and particularly the state mental health authorities.
If you want a first hand account about the horrors of where this can lead to, have a look at Eden1919’s posts over the last week or so. Here is a link
Treatment Order
I have also been playing a cat and mouse game with the state mental health authorities, trying to avoid an ITO for the last 4 years.
So what are some other options?
Many experts regard the entire diagnosis system as significantly flawed. You would be in good company if you chose to ignore or at least discount your diagnosis as something that doesn't really mean much.
You said
I never really questioned who I am before diagnosis but now, that’s all I do. I thought that avoiding speaking my truth to avoid pain on someone else was just because I cared and that it was the right thing to do. Whilst that’s true, I can see how I repeatedly abandon myself over and over again.
I feel as though I was disposed of after diagnosis which has made accepting this more difficult. I’m stuck between desperately wanting to connect and feeling I need to hide away to protect the world from the monster within me.
I see within those statements a lot of pain and confusion. There is no simple answer or method to resolve these problems and absolutely nobody has all the answers. I caution you to be wary of anyone who claims they do. Each of us have to find our own path. What I can say with a high degree of certainty is that you are not a monster, inwardly or outwardly. If you were it is highly unlikely that you would be reaching out and talking about your concerns on this forum.
As I have said, if you go down what is sometimes referred to as the “biomedical” path that most psychiatrists follow, it can have some horrific consequences The biomedical approach essentially regards your problem as a chemical imbalance in your brain that can be fixed with medication. While this approach appears to work for some it certainly doesn’t work for everybody or even a majority.
My preferred approach these days is the “psychological” path . Psychology with or without medication has made substantial advancements in recent years. I have been looking into a form known as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Psychosis (CBT-p) for quite a while. In the last few weeks, I have written quite a bit about my investigations of CBTp on this forum. Look them up if you are interested. Here is another link
Finally-Found-A-CBT-p-Practitioner
I will also be posting my ongoing experiences with CBT-p because quite a few people seem interested in it As to any outcome in my case, it is too early to say.
One of the things I like about it this approach is that instead of pathologizing the original problem with a stigmatising diagnosis, CBTp attempts to normalise the problem. In other words, it regards all these behavioural issues that we struggle to understand and cope with as a normal part of being human. They may be a bit more exaggerated for some of us and that can cause problems both within ourselves and with others who may not understand them or have an aversion to those same characteristics within themselves.
I hope this gives you a few ideas to think about but please do your own research and don’t just go along with the first thing some doctor tells you. They are often wrong.
Regards
Willy
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