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Historylover
Senior Contributor

Nothing works for me.

I've been interacting with a new group of people over the past few months.  One fellow has engaged in behaviour towards me which I have been unable to bring into line despite my best efforts.  I had to mention it to someone because I was becoming increasingly distressed, but it escalated beyond the person I tried to discuss it with. 

 

There were shock waves of response with the result that they have now found it easier to blame me - perhaps implying that I am being untruthful, even though it was mentioned that others had experienced it also - unbeknown to me.  Now, because I sought help to deal with another's behaviour which I could not correct, I am regarded as a trouble-maker, as that is easier and more comfortable for them than holding that person responsible for his own unacceptable behaviour and ensuring it doesn't happen again - and they can all simply move on.  I am not to blame for his misconduct but I expect to have to discontinue.

 

Has anyone else had this experience?  It happens to me repeatedly.  There is nothing I could have done differently.  I don't ask for this.  

 

18 REPLIES 18

Re: Nothing works for me.

@Historylover 

 

Walk away from people that treat you this way. There's better out there. I'm sorry you experienced this. Sending love. 

Re: Nothing works for me.

Not sure exactly what happened, but I had a weird experience with a fellow in last 6 months, and I had to put a stop to it about 10 days ago as I was starting to feel agitated about all the stuff he, or his friend was throwing around, including an abusive email from his friend.  God only knows how he got my email ... cos friend 1 linked him in ... then friend1 demanded of me for a 2nd time to show Christain forgiveness, which initally I did, but in the end after a few more disrespect experiences and I decided to pull the plug.

Luckily something else opened up simultaneously so my mood has not gone downhill.  On further reflection maybe it was simply a good example of me discovering and setting boundaries where I had not been able to in the past.  Felt like played for a fool, but also glad at least it did not cost me too much this time.

 

@Historylover Is that the kind of thing you mean?

 

Re: Nothing works for me.

@Powderfinger   Nice to see you again. How did the break go? Refreshed?

 

Walking away is easier said than done, @Powderfinger .  I am on the brink of doing it AGAIN.  The trouble is it has become predictable.  Someone else posted recently that they usually last a couple of months before walking away and I've just been looking for the post to reply.  Perhaps it was @saltandpepper.  

 

I am finding life is like an enjoyable ride which nobody wants to let me on.  It has always been so.  I do everything expected of me and more - but nothing works for me.  Just a sequence of rides for several months - and then I have to get off again and leave them to enjoy themselves because they don't want me there.

 

I'm a good person.  I do my best for everyone but I am never appreciated.  There is nothing I could do differently so that I get a fair share of a good life too.

 

I have run out of new things to try and it wouldn't make a difference anyway.

 

Sorry.  I wish I could make a more hopeful reply but I think I am out of hope.

 

Thanks for sending love, @Powderfinger.  It means a lot that when others are going through so much themselves that so many are able to reach out in support when they can.

 

Take care.  Sending love back to you too.

 

 

Re: Nothing works for me.

It's incredibly difficult to express complex matters in a few words but I think we are talking about the same sort of thing, @Appleblossom.  

 

I have no way of preventing this happening again in another situation.  I do nothing wrong but I seem to rock the boat by my very presence.  A clique turns against me and the situation becomes unworkable - and always, unable to be corrected. I leave - blamed again.  

 

You're fortunate that another door opened for you @Appleblossom.

 

I'm out of doors.

 

Re: Nothing works for me.

Not sure if you like this kind of video @Historylover 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4kUN1ldtl0 

I am working on ... self honouring ...

Smiley Happy

 

I believed for 55 years that there were no doors to open or close for me ... be nice if that changes.

Cheers Bella

 

 

Re: Nothing works for me.

I've just watched the first half of the video, @Appleblossom.  I will watch more and some others tomorrow.

 

Don't read this if you are not feeling strong yourself, @Appleblossom.  I have wondered if I should even post it but I need to reply.  I don't know what else to say. 

 

She hit the nail on the head re my situation when she spoke of being cast outside the city walls and left to fend for ourselves.  That is exactly my situation.  But I have done nothing wrong so I have to ask - is this the only way our society can function?  That groups are held together by the exclusion of a few because that is what bonds them together?  

 

I am sorry for being so pessimistic, so hopeless, but I can't pretend to feel otherwise.  Rejection CAN destroy us.  It breaks our spirit.  

 

That is the trouble with this type of video.  It suggests a one-size-fits-all solution and even that, if we follow their advice, all will be well.  It won't - because they have never had to walk in our shoes.  Never had to actually resolve another's difficulties and show that it truly works. 

 

I'd like to challenge her - ask her to actually walk in my shoes and show me how she can fix this for me.  

 

I will watch the rest of the video tomorrow and look into several others.  Sometimes just some snippets resonate and bring comfort.  And I can really use some comfort for my distress right now.

 

I sincerely appreciate your kind thoughts @Appleblossom.  I really wish you well.  We all deserve such a better deal.  Sending love, happiness and best wishes to you - and all power to doors continuing to open for you.  Cheers.

Re: Nothing works for me.

Dear @Historylover 

I am alright, but not sleeping so came online.

Smiley Happy

Glad you found a snippet that was useful.

Heart

Most youtubes get my goat one way or another, but I have to calm myself down and find the nugget within the generalisations.  I watch a few then go off them all for 6 months etc ....I can be triggered strongly by one word ... but eventually I am finding that if I allow my triggers and work thru them they do recede ... ie why do I feel outraged or whatever ...

 

I have found that sometimes it can help by getting very clear about something that was the opposite of a video point ...

 

 finding the best for our own unique personality and circumstances ....seems the goal.

 

Sadly sometimes it does seem that many groups are held together by whom they exclude and what they hate, than anything better .... learning not to be so naive about people ...

Take care

 

 

Re: Nothing works for me.

Sending love and happiness @Appleblossom. Thankyou.

Re: Nothing works for me.

@Historylover 

 

I pop in and out now and then. Not refreshed no. Thank you for asking. 

 

While I was reading your posts, a question and thought came to my mind. Have you considered that perhaps you could look at changing the way you do things and the experiences you have could change. 

 

I mean reading what you have written here made me think that their is clues and answers in your experiences. 

 

For me it wasn't till I looked at the experiences in life I had, how it all happened, why it happened, that I was darn tired of the same old shit different day that it put me in a position where I said ENOUGH and I changed. 

 

I think you are a beautiful and good person. I understand you've lost hope. Perhaps it is time to reframe the life you want to live on every level and make the changes needing to be made that will give you the life you want and deserve? 

 

Food for thought. 

 

Powderfinger. 

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