Lived Experience Forum

[NewbieBipolar]

It's taken me so long to figure out how to post this today! I finally saw a psychiatrist today after dealing with a psychologist the last 18months she started to question that I might be bipolar. I thought I was more dealing with the results of childhood trauma.

But the psychiatrist has diagnosed bipolar and giving me meds to start on.

now I don't know how to feel. In one way I'm relieved as it makes a lot of sense to my behaviours over the years but in another im scared and also a little upset that it's with me for life.

I just wanted to reach out and find other people going through or have been through the same thing.

thanks in advance 

[Former-Member]

Hello and welcome @NewbieBipolar 

so pleased you found us!  If you would like to tag someone like I have with you, just type the @ symbole and a drop down box will appear with the latest forum members on this post. Just continue typing a forum name and it will appear if not there.

i will introduce you to a bipolar thread. Please have a read and join in. There are lots of threads for you to get to know and lots of lovely people on here, enjoy ❤️

Always-hope

[NewbieBipolar]

Thank you so much. It’s hard finding my way around the forum. The bipolar thread would be a great start.

[SJT63]

@bipolarbunny tagging you as the best resource we have on the subject.

[ItsMeAgain]

Hi, I'm glad you're reaching out. I've had a similar journey with diagnoses, and for me the most important part has been focusing on the symptoms and meds that work instead of the label that professionals may or may not give me. Someone once told me that it takes 10 years for the average person with bipolar to be diagnosed properly. It has certainly taken me that long to find a team that gets me and a psychiatrist that has my meds right. It can be important to understand bipolar one and two. There's a good magazine called BP Hope that I enjoy and find helpful. All the best, 🙂

[ItsMeAgain]

I've been thinking, @NewbieBipolar about how you said it's with you for life. That's big. 

It has taken me 5 failed jobs in my career to come to that realisation that I have to look after my bipolar as a chronic, lifelong condition. I have periods of about 18 months where everything is great before I burn myself out and make a fool of myself at work. This time, I've lost my marriage and (probably) my home in the process. My employer this time at least was not cruel in the way she let me go. 

I think it shows heart insight and courage that you can hear and accept (even though hesitantly) that this may be a lifelong thing. 

I've learned something from each job I've imploded at, and my learning this time is that some people and jobs are worth trusting. If I would have trusted my employer by disclosing my bipolar this time, I would probably still have a job. My boss would've helped me. There's an awesome show called Modern Love on Amazon Prime (and partially on YouTube where Ann Hathaway plays a character with bipolar that goes through this with her boss. I 💙 her character because it shows bipolar, in my opinion, pretty accurately and with hope. 

[NewbieBipolar]

Hey @ItsMeAgain 

Thanks. Im sorry you are having such a shitty time at the moment dealing with all that at once. I hope you have support.

I get the job thing. I'm glad this one has done it nicer.

ive been a mover. My employees have always thought I was "amazing" one told me "I exhaust him with my enthusiasm". I've always had some excuse to move or leave before burnout. I'm a good masker.

Thanks for the recommendation I just watched modern love with the episode you said and so much was so true to me. Some not so much but a lot did. I cried at the end. That reaching out is so hard. 

ive just told a few people since diagnosis since the other day but I think I need to be honest. I'm studying to work in the community sector and it's what I will face a lot of the time in others. If I can't be honest about myself I can't expect others to let me help them.

how long have you known you've had it? 

[ItsMeAgain]

@NewbieBipolar I’m not totally sure how long I’ve had it. I’ve been in denial for a long time? It’s been more like 98% major depression for about 10 years with maybe occasional hypomania and a touch of psychosis caused by insomnia and high stress. My previous doctor told me it’s more of a generalised mood disorder (that comes with it’s own terminology).

It’s worth a look up to learn more things about rapid cycling and Cyclothymia, Dysthymia, etc. I ask my doctors how they came up with one diagnosis over the others. If they have a good answer and show that they know their stuff it makes it easier to trust them. I don’t invest my time in a doctor who is not invested in my recovery. I also spent 5 years tracking my mood. There’s apps and stuff for that.

One of the best things an older nurse told me I’d that she has bipolar. She was functioning very well, and it gave me hope.

[Lurla]

Hi @NewbieBipolar, 

I was diagnosed more than 3 years ago and unfortunately only came across sane.org last week when reading about Osher Gunsberg's role as ambassador (he has recently released a doco on SBS about his mental health - haven't watched it yet).

I wish I had been made aware of it back then. It may have saved me years of distress; my job; my family's suffering; my memory after 3 courses of numerous ECT treatments,  not to mention the trials and tribulations of being on the medication treadmill without success.

Thankfully, after months of research (the only thing  I was motivated to do during my recent 3 month self-inflicted lockdown;) I have found what appears to be the suitable treatment for me and the results have been surprisingly positive since my first (and possibly only) session.

Good luck with getting better. If you have any queries don't hesitate to DM me.

Take care,

@lurla

[Lurla]

A friend sent me the link to that show with the amazing AnnHathaway (Ep1Series). I followed the trail through the blog created by the author of that episode which was based on her real-life experience. Through that I found this amazing site and a lot of other really useful info that has now led me to what seems (fingers crossed) to be a way to MANAGE this disorder (labelled TRD BP1-treatment resistent bi polar 1...). I'm aware that BP is not 'curable' which is very difficult to come to terms with, but knowing it can be successfully managed, with a safe and quick safety net, is very reassuring.