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26-12-2021 08:00 PM
26-12-2021 08:00 PM
Needing advice as a concerned sister and daughter
I have a sister very mentally unstable.
She has bipolar and is unmedicated as she doesn't believe she has it.
She is 36 and still living st home with my mother. She has 2 children. One of which is 6 and is on the spectrum.
She can not handle this child. She constantly calls him names like fat, dumb, stupid etc.. but she tries to hide it. I only know because my mother tells me. It breaks my heart. I constantly over hear her on the phone telling my mum how much she hates him and wants him gone.
It seriously breaks my heart and you'd imagine she completely denies this whenever I approach her. She goes I to fits of rage when I mention that I over heard her saying xyz.
I mentioned to her about her son calling himself fat and stupid. She said she has no idea where he would get that from.
I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a brickwall.
My mother is spineless, and my sister constantly puts it over her. She abuses very mentally I am sure.
She refuses the leave the house, saying she can't afford to live elsewhere as she's a single mum. But she gets angry everytime I tell her I will try and help her get somewhere.
I feel as if I'm banging my head against a brick wall trying to get somewhere.
I want her son to flourish. I love him as my own. She boxes him in and limits what he can do. Saying he can't do xyz because of his disabilities... but I have proven her wrong so many times and he is capable. Strong, and worthy.
My mother has been to the local GP but he hasn't done anywhere.
What can I do? Where can I go?
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27-12-2021 12:24 AM
27-12-2021 12:24 AM
Re: Needing advice as a concerned sister and daughter
Can I ask where is the father of the child? Have you thought of getting DCJ involved? Does she have a mental health team?
The child is being abused - please consider making a report or even approaching a school counsellor as your nephew is being abused and with possible future trauma.
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28-12-2021 11:25 PM
28-12-2021 11:25 PM
Re: Needing advice as a concerned sister and daughter
We can always see potential in others, and it's easy for us to see faults. I guess from my point of view, what realistically do you think can change? Could you have a chat with your sister about what parenting goals she might have for next year and rather than talking to her faults, work with her strengths to give her confidence to use her better skills first rather than her poorer choices?
Why do you think she acts this way towards this child?
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29-12-2021 10:08 PM
29-12-2021 10:08 PM
Re: Needing advice as a concerned sister and daughter
It sounds like your sister might be struggling with parenting a child on the spectrum. I assume you mean he is on the Autism spectrum, though do correct me if I am wrong with this. There are many challenges of parenting a child on the Autism spectrum, and it can be exhausting to do 24/7. Perhaps you could look into what services may be available to support her - perhaps talking with other families who also have children on the Autism spectrum - in person or online. Are there ways you can help your sister with her son that she would be comfortable with: perhaps by providing some informal respite, letting her vent challenges with judgement and/or helping her find support services for families with a child on the spectrum.
You could try:
Amaze Autism Connect - is a service for information, advice and referral.
Autism Connect 1300 308 699 (8am–7pm, Monday–Friday) or visit amaze.org.au/autismconnect
I don't have much experience with bipolar. Hopefully others on this forum can help. What are the symptoms of her condition that you are concerned about? Are there some symptoms that she does acknowledge like feeling down, or low energy. Perhaps you could ask her if you can help with those?
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29-12-2021 10:26 PM - edited 29-12-2021 10:55 PM
29-12-2021 10:26 PM - edited 29-12-2021 10:55 PM
Re: Needing advice as a concerned sister and daughter
There is a blog post How-to-help-someone-going-through-mania that might be of interest.