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Karri
New Contributor

Mixed bag of stresses

Hi I'm new here and will try to explain my situation in a few sentences...14 years ago I had 2 brothers die in a car accident while I was pregnant with my eldest daughter. A year ago I found out that the same daughter (between the ages of 12 and 13) was being sexually abused by another one of my brothers. (Still going through court atm) 2 years ago I got out of a 16 year long emotionally abusive marriage. 3 years ago I had a heart attack. I have 6 children and homeschooled for 16 years. I suffered burn out and have had severe anxiety at times. I now have met a wonderful new partner, have moved to live near him but have had abuse from his ex and children and live remotely with no supportive services. Struggling with depression atm..just want to lay in my bed all day..feeling flat and disinterested in life. My abused daughter now has issues of self harm, suicidal thoughts and panic attacks. She is in counselling but I feel useless to help her. She lives away from me for school. I feel happy when I'm with my new partner (been together a year) but just cant shake this depression when we are apart. (He works long hours and we live separately still)

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Mixed bag of stresses

It truly sounds like you are juggling a number of significant events in your life at the moment. What's the saying? When it rains it pours?

I just want you know that we are here for you, even when bed feels like the only/best option. Everyone around you know that you are doing your best and that's all they can ask. 

 

I hope there is something nice you can do for yourself this weekend, maybe a nice walk or a warm bath. 

Re: Mixed bag of stresses

Hi @Karri Just want to say that despite how you are feeling ,you are definitely a strong person to have gone through all those things in your life, keep fighting cause you are worth it and if fighting means resting in bed for a while and taking take out for you then do what you need to do just one day at a time LostAngel

Re: Mixed bag of stresses

Hi Karri

It's good to reach out and tell it like it is.

I feel anger about what has happened to you. 

I'm glad that you feel happy when you're with your partner.

My son was cutting, it freaked me out, but I walked with him and kept communications up, not about the cutting, but just listened and loved him. I didnt know what else to do. 

Just him crying for help. All I could do was be there with him.

That was about him coming to terms with being gay, coming to terms with being 'other' in a culture that only accepts 'normal'. Hard yards for a sensitive deeply sweet soul. Many years have past.

He's doing okay. 

I reckon all we can do as parents is keep the communication lines open and listen.

 

On a lighter note, I've started crocheting after about 40 years or so. My second grandchild, a girl, just had her first birthday, and I have done 2 (!) lines of what was going to be her baby blanket but is now hoping to be a blanket for her dolly.

FYI I don't know anyone who is not a mixed bag of stress, myself for deffo included, but you're doing hard yards so please be kind to yourself.

 

Re: Mixed bag of stresses

@Karri 

Hello Karri

 

Thank you for posting on this forum about your circumstances, past and present.

 

It appears, from your post, that 14 years ago, the death of two brothers gave you cause for considerable grief at the same time that you were expecting the birth of your first child.

 

At the time of your pregnancy and the death of two of your brothers, you were in an abusive relationship that began about two years before your first child was born.

 

Now, 14 years later, you have become aware of the sexual abuse of your eldest daughter. Added to that stress, you have the stressors of supporting your daughter who lives and schools away from where you live. And the stress associated with court hearings, through which you presumably also want to support your daughter.

 

You have removed/extracted yourself from that sixteen-year abusive relationship, during which time you have home-schooled the children and are continuing to support six children, all under sixteen years of age.

 

As a result of your circumstances during the last sixteen years, you have suffered stress-related burnout, severe anxiety, and depression.

 

While you have met someone else, who you now live close to, whom you describe as wonderful, and is presumably giving you moral support and encouragement. You are still coping with abuse (presumably verbal) from this man's former partner, the carry-over issues related to your former relationship as well as caring for the children who are still in your care, and the additional stress of moving house.

 

Because of your remote location, you are having considerable difficulty in accessing or not being able to access support from other support services.

 

You are now struggling with anxiety and depression, and have difficulty maintaining your life as you would otherwise want it to be. You are also trying to cope with the knowledge that, presumably, as a result of the abuse your eldest daughter experienced, she also has issues of harming herself, panic attacks, and suicidal thoughts.

 

Your concern at the present time is that you are unable to give your daughter the nurturing companionship that you would like to give her. And while you feel happy when your new partner is close by, his absence for work leaves you feeling flat, disinterested, and depressed.

 

It sounds as though your immediate concern is to address the depression that seems to be limiting your capacity to deal with everyday matters, and to then improve your ability to deal with the broader issues that you are facing in your life.

 

Karri, I hope I have summarised your life situation and wishes correctly. If you would like to, please confirm the details and provide corrections or additional details that you believe would be relevant for anyone offering suggestions about how you might address and deal with the issues and circumstances that you are facing.

 

The members of the forum are all facing issues of different types and degrees, so I hope, from their experience that you will receive appropriate suggestions and support through our forum posts.

 

We look forward to hearing from you and hope that the suggestions made will offer you support for your path forward.

 

With My Very Best Wishes,

HenryX

 

CC: @grayhorn @LostAngel @Togs2611 

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