Lived Experience Forum

[CocoMarie]

I listen to a lot of pod casts and I was listening and enjoying this one about this guy who is a habitual liar and dates multiple women online - he didn't do it for money and he isn't aggressive - it's just he can't help himself from lying and pretending he is someone he is not to get smart intelligent women.

One episode went into his 'possible' diagnosis and it landed on BPD - which shocked me as I didn't realise that lying would be part of BPD - it has never occured to me that this would be a symptom and it rarely mentioned. Maybe when angry or you feel hurt or done wrong by you might over emphasise a  point or be unreasonable and unfair - but lying - I didn't realise this was a symptom and it annoys me as the show didn't make clear that this is not true for all BPD.

Some of us have a few of the symptoms - others have them all - when I was younger I had all - now I am 51 I only have two which I have learnt to manage - but one thing I never did was lie - my problem was I wanted the truth and justice at any cost without being sensitive or intelligent about it.

Also I think I am upset hearing this broad paint brush on BPD as many (not all) people with the condition were abused and told they were lying or exagerrating when they sort help or wanted out from the abuse.

I was told I was a drama queen, inappropriate and thrown out of home. 

So to hear another media outlet made by sensitive, intelligent women discuss people with BPD as liars is hard to digest.

I've heard it in other contexts when people talking about murderers or rapists - and again this is not fair representation of people with the illness - more than likely we are victims of liars and physical abuse.

I've written to the podcast and asked for the empirical research done on this and asked them in future to at least put the statement in context.

But am I the only one shocked to hear that lying a symptom?

[Gwynn]

Hi @CocoMarie, welcome to the forums. You might want to report that podcast to StigmaWatch: https://www.sane.org/advocacy/stigmawatch

[wellwellwellnez]

That's an interest issue you've cited there.

I just went back over the symptoms and it seems that the lying part could manifest differently for different people. It could be an impulse thing, a relationship thing, a self-image thing or a combination and etc.

You've made a great broader point that personality is less about the what and more about the why.

[CocoMarie]

Thank you  - I understand that some symptoms of BDP might lead to behaviour that can be destructive and hurtful - however the case of this man that the podcast was speaking of was just habitual lying - he never esculated, and he never was angry and he had no addictions or impulsive behaviour - other than compulsively lying to get love from women.

I just wonder how they came up with BPD when he might have any number of conditions.

[Lilaca]

Hi @CocoMarie ,

Don't take it personally. It's a possible diagnosis, not a proper one diagnosed by a healthcare professional. You shouldn't get worked out over such reality show.

Those with mental illness usually get it through the family hereditary or exposure to abuse or assaults by others with severe mental illness. And that's how the disease spreads. It's a mixture of victims and abusers. You can be one or the other or both. 

And you're right when you said it's about managing the illness and being able to cope with it in your daily life. If you're on the final stage of recovery, then congratulation, soon you will no longer need such label.

Unfortunately, not everyone has reached that stage. Some are still in a state of psychosis and acted out a crime while totally unconscious of their behaviours. They reported not remembering anything after. The goal is of course for them to fully recover, but they require intensive medical assistance from medical professionals, which may mean being isolated in a medical facility for their own and others' safety.

That said, I have an elderly neighbour who has schizophrenia. She is quite honest in regards to her mental illness and told me that she only hears voices telling her to take medication and get the milk. But fortunately, she never hears the voice telling her to hurt someone. I guess she is very aware of the potentiality of the illness. She is currently in her late 60s and chooses to live on her own after separating from her husband. Though she has her sister and neighbours to look after her instead. It is a great neighbourhood where the residences are quite close and look out for one another. Everyone knows about her illness and we pay more attention to her as she is living on her own. We have our doors open all the time and there will always be someone who talks to her daily. 

Don't worry about the media mentioning about murderers or rapists with mental illness, that's the only way they can justify such awful behaviours in a compassionate way. These criminals can then be isolated and sent for rehabilitation. But do remember that bringing such people to justice means safety for the victims and everyone. And those who committed the crime may even be grateful for the care and comfort they received after being imprisoned, some of them even refusing to get out of prison after being released. Imagine the harshness of their life out of bar that led them to committing such crime.

That doesn't mean victims with similar mental health issues will be discriminated. I have another neighbour who is starting recreational/social activities for NDIS people ranging from young kids to elderly. There are many who will care regardless, I hope you will meet many of such people in your life. 

Take care!

[CocoMarie]

Hi Lilaca

You make some good points but with respect I think if people do see something in the media it is healthy to question it - many feminists, queer, trans and people of colour do question these things and the authorities and say and do something about it and that's how social change happens and discrimination shifts. If we all just sat on our hands and let the world define us that would be a terrible place to live.

I am glad this podcast got me thinking - as it makes me think about BPD and how it impacts me on a daily basis  and how my need not to disclose to anyone and hide it makes me feel.

These blanket statements about BPD are like the ones made of people of colour and it impacts people's financial and housing life; and thier ability to walk with ease in their life. It creates shame. 

And I disagree with you that one day I won't have BPD - I will always have BPD - I will always have PTSD - it just doesn't define me.

And your point about me losing my label one day - I don't have a label - the label is an external narrativeand I am rejecting it.

I am not a big subcsriber of people telling others they are making too big of an issue and ignore it - I am an advocate and I'm not going to shut up or stand by when I see discrimination - so I wrote to them and I am going to submit my thoughts to StigmaWatch.

All the best.