Lived Experience Forum

[Angel12]

I am new this forum. I don't know wher to start. I suddenly have got sick with a massive blown up in my head end of 2020, still waiting for a clear diagnosis from the neurology dept. What I know about me is I'm not functioning as who I am. "I am just tired and lonely"

[Mazarita]

Hi @Angel12 

Tired and lonely is hard. There are people here on the forum who experience this too, one or the other, or both at the same time. I personally relate feeling as though I am not functioning as who I am at different times in my life. Hope you get a good answer about neurology. 

The 'Good Morning!' discussion thread is a good place to meet other members. It has become a bit of a drop-in place throughout the day, members usually sending short greetings to each other, and little chats:

https://saneforums.org/t5/Social-Spaces/Good-Morning/m-p/254524

Feel free to write more about what you are going through here, and to enter into any of the discussion threads on the forum you may be drawn to. Searching the 'Lived Experience' forum from its front page can help find discussions about subjects that may be relevant to you.

Well wishes.

[Angel12]

I don’t know where to start. I always pretended that I’m fantastic. I have an infectious smile that nobody can say I have problems. Inside me there is a deep pain. I actually don’t want to live. I lost my interest to live long ago. But I have two wonderful children. They gave me a purpose to live and still they do. That’s is my only reason. And also my pets without me I can even imagine the worse is going to happen to them. So I live. But I’m not scared to die. I have already signed up for my full organ donation with Vic.health. When I am extremely tired I just want disappear in to the thin air. It’s just like evaporating, or turn in to dust. I was okay to cope any hardship without any single mental or physical difficulty since my divorce in 2009 till 2020. But 2020 changed whole my self. I had a random sudden headache end of last year and collapsed. MRI repot said I have signs of Parkinson’s disease. I showed many depression signed after the headache and went under depression meds. Sleep changed badly dramatically, language is dropped
, memory became terrible and I do wired mistakes at home, putting things in wrong places. Some days can’t move and dream drive on the road.......can’t understand any of these.
I know I experienced traumas since childhood but until last year none affected me. Why now? After 20-30 Years....apart from my children’s success and achievements I don’t have any plan, hope or dream for the future. I’m looking at an empty air....

[Truffles]

It's brave of you @Angel12 to express your feelings like this, sometimes it's real hard to navigate living with illness