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Ana-1
New Contributor

I’m not sure how to help.

My mother is biopolar and has borderline personality disorder, growing up I was a very quiet child and hid all my feelings inside despite how hard everything was. My 14 year old sister is very different, she's vocal about everything and has gone through a hard time with her drug addict father (whom she spent most of her life with sadly) passing away recently. 

My mum recently got my sister into her care and she can't handle my sister and has asked everyone she knows (including me) if they could take her in, but no one is able to. My sister is suicidal, self harms, runs away from home and needs proper help which my mum claims she is giving her but all she seems to do is drink and play the victim which is what she's done her whole life instead of looking out for her children's needs.

I told my mum to step up, get help and focus on helping my sister and building a relationship with her but my mum thought that was too harsh to say and just threatened to disappear herself.

 

I want to help my sister, I don't think being with my mum is helping her at all, my mum is too focused on herself. I thought about calling child services but my whole life child services came to me and did nothing when I was clearly in need of help so I'm not sure what else to do. How do I get my sister out? Would foster care be a better choice?

3 REPLIES 3

Re: I’m not sure how to help.

Hi Ana1 I'm going to tag in the @Former-Member in hopes of drawing attention to your post so you can get some assistance. I'm sure someone here will be equipped to offer advice and assistance. I wish I could be of help to you and your sister. My heart goes out to you

Re: I’m not sure how to help.

Hi @Ana-1 ,

Thanks for reaching out on the forums and seeing if anyone can offer support or advice. It sounds like such a difficult and complex situation for all involved and especially for your mother and sister who both are needing some ongoing supports.

I really hope some of our other members here on the forums can provide some advice and guidance. You are also really welcome to reach out to our Help Center and speak to one of counsellors as well as another option for exploring support options but also for support for yourself.
Please take care and look after yourself,

Radius

Re: I’m not sure how to help.

Hi @Ana1 ,

 

Welcome to the forums. Thank you for being so brave in reaching out.

 

I guess it is not my place to tell you what you should or should not do, however, I have lived with BPD for over a decade. Without excusing your mother's actions, is there any place for the thought that your mother actually does not have the capability to provide the care that you want your sister to receive?

 

I had many struggles with my BPD. I looked so capable on the outside, held down excellent jobs, achieved in uni....but guess what? I couldn't for the life of me emotionally support anyone, even if I tried. I was so mentally unstable and people would always criticise me and say I was pretending because I could 'put on a show' for everyone else but be horrible to those closest to me.

 

Until my own emotional needs were met, I could not pour out to support others. This may be the case for your mum. She may need to be helped before she can help others

 

Dear @Ana1 , a borerline's struggles are real. As much as I too would like your sister supported, I think it is looking beyond what your mother can offer at this point in time. If you sister is still attending school, it would be good to contact the school to see how they can support your sister. Fostering her out is very unsettling and quite extreme. Being 14 years old is hard for any teenager. I've worked with many 14 year olds, and unfortunately, what your sister is currently doing is not uncommon for the age group. SH has become a trend which I've seen kids starting earlier and earlier. A lot of peer influence at this time.

 

I think it's about looking beyond just what your mother can or can't provide her.

 

Wish you all the best,

BPDSurvivor

 

@Former-Member , can't tag Ana1 - name 'is not permitted in this community'. Can he/she be tagged?

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