Lived Experience Forum

[averagecrow]

I've been diagnosed with BPD since 2016 but I'm still struggling with it like I've just been diagnosed.

I've behaved in ways that would prove the stigma about BPD.

I'm finally trying to get better, but I've hurt a lot of people and it feels like my life is already over. It feels like I'm drowning in shame. It feels like the kindness and goodness I try to do today is overshadowed by all the bad I've done in my past. So tired of feeling so low all the time.

[WhiteRoseDurga]

Hey! I don't know you but here is a joke to cheer you up: https://www.redbubble.com/i/greeting-card/Eeyore-Quote-by-unhingedheather/99932849.5MT14 (/sarcasm)

Nothing is too major that a group of compassionate minds can't solve! Also, consider watching some comedy videos on YouTube/Netflix (if you have a subscription) or create a cheerful music playlist. These are some of the things I do to uplift myself.

It's almost my bedtime so I'll head off but looking forward to reading any new comments in the morning. I can share with you some music in the morning if you would like. No pressure but I really like my music taste so I am happy to share it.

[oceangirl]

Welcome to the forum @averagecrow 

If you type @ drop box will appear and you can tag them and they will notification of the post or alternatively you can type the member and they will also appear in the drop box.

You're not alone in how you feel and I hope you start to have more good days. We have all made mistakes and done things we are not proud of - it just shows we are human. I applaud you for reaching out here and I hope to get to know you more. Hope to see you in the forum

[Willy]

Hello averagecrow,

When I read stories like yours it turns me inside out even though my own life story with schizophrenia has certainly been no picnic. The guilt, anxiety despair etc can very easily end up becoming more of a problem than the original diagnosed symptoms. I wish there was an easy answer I could give you but as far as I know there isn't other than to say just keep on trying.

Underneath all this shit there is a unique, valuable and worthwhile person. It may help to think of your life purpose as finding and liberating that person.

Looking back on my own journey of mental illness, the thing that probably helped me the most was a good support network consisting mostly of other people with serious MH issues. They have been the people who stuck by me the most over the years and kept me going through the really bad times. I posted a detailed response to someone else's post yesterday about support groups and my experiences with them. It may be something worth looking at or at least keeping in mind.

Here is a link to that post it if you are interested.
Support Groups 

All the best

Willy

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @averagecrow , it's good you've joined. 

I'm sorry you feel so low. I'm going to tag @BPDSurvivor  who has great insight. 

Welcome also, @WhiteRoseDurga !

[WhiteRoseDurga]

Thank you, @NatureLover!

[WhiteRoseDurga]

@averagecrow  These are some of my Guruji's albums. 🙂

• Amrita Varsha
• Anmol Bhajans
• Bhakti Chandan
• Nirvana Pushpam
• Vibhuti Sundaram
• Yoga Shradhanjali

I find them beautiful, soothing and uplifting. They're available on the iTunes music store but I don't know where else. You can Google it if you're interested.

[tyme]

Hi @averagecrow ,

Thank you for your post. I acknowledge how difficult it may be living with a BPD diagnosis.

I, too, like with a BPD diagnosis. Although very much in the recovery phase now, looking back, I can see how the stigma of BPD affected me. 

One important thing I'd like to share is that when I was going through the BPD shame (having hurt many people), I saw a psychologist to tackle the challenges I was having rather than the BPD. This lifted the focus off BPD (and that it is a BAD thing). Rather, therapy was about looking at the elements in my life that were affecting my functioning e.g. my sudden rages, my limited ability to communicate, my anxiety of social situations. With a treating team, we focus on each 'difficulty'. 

This gave me the tools and strategies to manage each. As opposed to "I have BPD. How can I be fixed?"

As a starting point, look at one element/behaviour you'd like to focus on changing. What is this behaviour looking like now? How would you like the ideal you to behave? Then go from there.

As much as your life is affected by BPD, you are NOT your BPD diagnosis. You are a unique individual with your owns strengths and challenges.

Feel free to visit some of our BPD threads such as:

1) Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script 

2) Topic Tuesday // Supporting loved ones living with BPD // Tuesday 25th January, 7pm-8:30pm AEDT 

3) LIVE CHAT: BPD for Friends, Family and Carers - This Sunday 3rd October 7:00-8:30pm AEDT 

These threads may give you some insight into overcoming BPD challenges.

Looking to hear from you soon,

tyme

[petrichor]

Hello @averagecrow 

I tried to write a post but deleted in. I just want to tell you that I’m here. I can’t understand your experience and I don’t want to make assumption but I’m here and I hear you, BPD shouldn’t make a difference to people who value you. It’s just like physical illness where people have to educate themselves and be there for you. Full stop, there is no difference between a chronic mental and physical illness. I still don’t know if this comment comes out right, I would just like to let you know that your kindness and goodness do matter and that it is brave that you’re trying to live with your diagnosis. 

[tyme]

Hey @averagecrow ,

How are things for you at the moment?

Thinking of you. Looking forward to hearing from you,

tyme