Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Appleblossom

Wow .... 😳

[Ananda]

Hi, I am new on this forum, I first hesitated and thought why not, your post is actually the reason I registered. My daughter is 20 yo and started with anorexia 5 years ago and some OCD behaviours, mainly around a food prep and germs, when after 2 years of stuggles, she started to put some weight back on, she joined the gym, and that was the begining of hell, she went from 1h to 5 and a half of intense training, plus walking and running for 3 hours a day, sleeping less and less, becoming more and more irritable.... but refusing help and blaming me, telling me that I had a problem and not her, the all family has suffered, because, we can't recieve people, can't be in the room....

This year, she has finally hit rock bottom, and confessed to me that her OCD was out of control, feeling depressed, not enjoying the gym, and that all her rituals were taking hours during a day, I forgot to say that my son who is 18yo can't take it anymore as she has no patience with anyone and rules the house, prevents him from sleeping with flicking the light switch next to his bedroom up to 30 times...

We finally went to see a psychiatrist, but she doesn't want to take medication, snd she is seeing a psychologist. In a meanwhile, she still behaves the same, and bullies people at home. I had a discussion with her this week again, as financially it's getting hard for us and told her to make some efforts with water and electricity as it's another OCD things, I understand it's hard but our shopping bill is huge, 1 pack of gojis/day 4 apples/day, 1 pack of tomato, quinoa, vinegar/ 2 days....... she stopped Uni because of her condition, he hardly work because she is busy with her training till 3 in the afternoon, and she oays a personnal trainner a fortune twice a week. She doesn't seem to be responsible!

My dilemna is should I treat her like a perfect responsible 20yo or not? I believe that I gave in for the last 5 years as it was so awful and painful to see her anorexic, unhappy and suffering.

Sorry for my long message, it's probably what I needed as I feel that I have lost my hope and faith lately,

[SleepyPanda]

Hi @Ananda

Welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing your experience. 

There are a lot of wonderful members here at the forum. Sometimes it make take time for another member to read your post, can I suggest you use the @mention function I used to send an email directly to you, if you want to make direct contact with the member you have read about.

I hope the forum can assist.

Take care.

SleepyPanda

[Shaz51]

Laxative abuse, very interesting @Faith-and-Hope, my dad took laxatives everyday , all his life , at one stage I said to my mum , i think I will start taking laxatives everyday , I remember her say no , don`t do it -- I don`t think it is any good for your body

Hello @Ananda, and elcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story

Hello @Faith-and-Hope, @Appleblossom, @SleepyPanda, @Former-Member, @Determined, @Smc, @Adge

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Ananda

I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through Pugh with your daughter, but it is also all very familiar to me.  My husband used to be very overweight (with BED disorder) and when we sold our business he threw himself into a severe program of diet and exercise to replace his OCD workaholism ..... but none of this has been diagnosed yet.

My story is here if you want to take a look, and I can chat to you more there.

Welcome to the forums.

[Smc]

Hello @Ananda, welcome.

I've got an adult daughter with a different primary condition (Dissociative Identity Disorder) but there's OCD aspects in the mix with it. When she shops, she feels like she can't buy just one of something, so sometimes she'll buy two each of the fruits that she wants, and then be upset about it because she's bought more than she can actually eat. She's had a few clinic stays, and has brought in huge loads of baggage, including food, because if the food in their dining room is served up the wrong way, she can't handle eating it, and she has trouble eating cereal out of shared "serve yourself" tubs that they have there (in case it's contaminated). She knows that it's illogical, but the compulsions are still there.

She's living out of home, so any associated costs are hers, not ours. We try to give her advice and some help, but really want and need her to be as indepepndant as possible. We wouldn't mind having more feedback about and input into her psych and medical care, but legally that's one point where we have no option but to for her to be independant. Unless they're not mentally competent, an adult can make their own health care decisions, and others can only have input into the process with their permission. The really hard bit is that it's perfectly legal for them to make poor decisions, or to give incomplete or false information (knowingly or unknowingly) to their health care providers.

We (Hubby and self) know a fair bit about what's going on with our daughter, partially because we're the backstop when there's a crisis "out of hours", and also we're very careful to try to keep her trust. It's pretty vital, because it's the only way to keep a window into her life and choices open to us.

[Ananda]

I hear you, I can relate to that, as my daughter is obsessed with a certain quantity or number, we haven't been able to eat out as a family for 4 years now and she can't eat with people neither, she is scared of contamination....she washes her lips constantly as well as her hands, dishes......

I agree with you, once they turn 18 yo, we cannot do much to help and the medical system doesn't include the parents.

Unfortunately, even if home feels like a "war zone", there is no way for her to move out as she hardly work due to her excess excercies timetable...

I was hoping to read some successful stories on this forum though,

I wish you all the best with your daughter, and take care of yourself too.

[Ananda]

Wow, that's exactly my daughter, I had never heard of that term before.

[Smc]

@Ananda, the success stories are out there, but sometimes we're simply in it for the long haul, and it can be good to have others around who understand that. Friends who are not dealing with MI in the family can be very supportive sometimes, but often don't quite understand that "life as normal" has been a distant experience for some time, and may continue to be so for the foreseeable future.

We haven't given up hope of the possibility of improvement, but regardless of the future, we want to still be there to support her. Is just that we can't do it on our own.

One friend who is really supportive of us has a daughter who went through the eating disorder battle for years. She's now got it much more under control, and I believe she has completed nursing qualifications. Often it remains lurking in the background of a person's mind, and they may have to watch themselves to avoid relapses under high stress, but once the committment to recovery is there, they're on much firmer ground.

[Ananda]

@SmcThank you, I hope that we hear more and more of success stories.