Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Jennfromoz]

Hello, my first post is asking advice on community services for my friend who has had her children taken off her and put into foster care. It was supposed to be for 2 years but now they're talking about making it permanent. She is fighting to get them back. I'll call her Tina.

Tina has had a hard life. Her mother abandoned her very young and she was raised by her father who did his best. She never learnt skills like keeping her house tidy. Shes been in several abusive relationships. I actually met her in a shelter when we were escaping domestic abuse. She has abused substances in the past (pot and meth) but not anymore.  I'm not sure if she has been diagnosed with any mental illness but I'm sure she suffers depression. 

Apparently the reason why they are considering permanent foster care is because of the state of her house. She has jumped through all the hoops they assigned for her otherwise. 

I truly believe that what Tina needs is for someone to come and not only clean her house but to show her how it's done, how to manage it and check in on her from time to time.  She just needs help and instructions.  It's just not fair to discriminate against her for skills she never got to learn because of her life experience. 

I know she loves her children and will never stop fighting for them, and I also believe that it would be in their best interests to be with their mother, not a foster carer.

Are there ANY community services out there that can help her?  All I can find are services for the disabled or elderly.  If anyone can help I would really appreciate it.  Thanks.

[Appleblossom]

@Jennfromoz 

Wish I could offer concrete help, but I believe you are on the right track.

Maybe dealing directly with the  department involved side by side with your friend.

idk ...

Sorry.

Mind you.  Full disclosure. I am an ex foster child who endured physical abuse, and despite the poverty, which was the bigger issue in our case. Preferred to be with biological family.

[Jynx]

Hi @Jennfromoz, I'm sorry to hear that things are so difficult for your friend right now. I can only imagine how devastating it would be for her to be separated from her little ones. 

Hmm I am trying to think of services that might help, but it is a tricky one. I'm wondering if it might be worth finding a local, family-run cleaning service. If you talk to them about the situation, they might be willing to come and provide a cleaning service, and also maybe show her a few little techniques/tricks along the way. 

Another thought, have a look into AirTasker - it's an app that connects people who need a service or task done with other people who are able/willing to do little jobs (that maybe aren't big enough to require a professional service). It allows you to put up a custom description of the task so that you can specify her needs, try to find someone who might also be willing to do it ongoing and provide some education along the way - and you also get to be choosy about who you would pick to come and do the job as well. It also means prices can be negotiable too. 

Final thought, you could also get in touch with some local cleaning services that specialise in hoarding. Not necessarily because your friend is a hoarder, but because those services tend to have at least some understanding of mental health stuff and are far less likely to be stigmatising - and if they can't help, they may still have some idea of someone who can. 

I hope this helps you in your search. Tina is lucky to have you there to support her 😊

[Jennfromoz]

Thanks for your suggestions.  The problem is that she doesn't work and I think she is on jobseeker with an exemption.  She couldn't afford anything like this.  I would go myself and help her, but I'm in Cairns.  

I'm sure there used to be services available to help people with depression etc, but I get the feeling that everything has been cut back due to funding etc.

It is just so unfair that they are taking away her children over something she has no control over. 

[Jynx]

@Jennfromoz  oh that makes it so hard. It pains me how often financial factors are such huge determinants of how much help people can get. It is so deeply unfair. 

I hope someone else on here might have some ideas to throw into the mix too, and yeah like I said even just contacting some cleaning services and asking if they know of anything could be helpful. We can hope. 

[Tinker67]

Hello @Jennfromoz 

It's fabulous that you are morally supporting your friend, and that you can see that she is a loving parent who wants to do her best, but hasn't been given the resources and opportunities in life to enable her to gain the skills that child protection want her to have. 

I could write a dissertation on dealing with the child protection system, I worked previously as an advocate for mothers with intellectual disability, who also have their children removed, sometimes for genuine reasons, but they can't win against the child protection system because of the power dynamics.  They would jump through the hoops child protection made, then when they did that, there'd be new hoops to jump through, and so it went. I assisted parents to understand the legal process they were dealing with, accompanied them to family mediation meetings at the Family Court etc and supported them at court and provided assistance on contact visits.  Often my role was to reframe the assumptions that child protection workers had about the women I supported, and show that with support they could learn and acquire skills and knowledge for parenting, but had to receive step by step support.   

One search engine that I use a lot is Ask Izzy - Ask Izzy  You can search local welfare and community supports in Perth for your friend.  I'd suggest looking at services that provide advocacy for example, and women's services.  Unfortunately your friend may not be able to access some services as the children aren't with her, it's maddening because with services the potential for her children to be returned is higher.  Having good quality legal representation is important too, so I hope your friend has a feminist lawyer who specialises in family law.  

It is unfair to see your friend discriminated against for the disadvantage she has experienced in life.  I hope that you can continue your moral support from afar.  And encourage your friend to maintain contact with her children as best she can.  One day, they will come back to her, either as teens (when they run away from foster care to rejoin her) or as adults when they've left care. If your friend is willing, it might also be worth her considering studying child care - or doing a child care traineeship - the reason being the more informed and educated she is, the more she can disprove that child protection should continue to remove her children.  

Sending energy for strength to continue this epic fight for your friend.  I feel for her very much. 

Tinker

[Jennfromoz]

Thanks for this information.  Would you know if there are any organisations in Perth that are similar to where you used to work?

Because she's on Centrelink she has to use Legal Aid, so I guess we just have to hope that the solicitor they give her is good. 

Also, the crazy thing is that they have allowed her 14 year old boy to live with her again, but they are trying to get the 3 younger children, aged 5 to 11 into permanent foster care.  

Thanks again.