Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Teej]

From the lived experience part I think that receiving just a short personal message that someone is thinking of you without any expectations for a returned message or response is something I’ve really appreciated. Even if it was a meme or something you share with that person is connection without demand or need. 

From a carer I think acknowledging that you can’t 'fix' them, only the person going through it can work on their mental health is a big one. It’s hard but mportant. 

I think just just recently I learned through a personal situation that sometimes asking the person what they need in a specific way helps. I don’t think asking what can I do to help is often helpful as that is too broad. Maybe asking the little stuff builds up a better picture for both the carer and person struggling through being unwell. It can be the little things. Do you mind me dropping in and making you a (insert drink food). Does it help or annoy you when I text you every ??? I think those kind of closed questions when you are struggling kind of build up a structure that the person feels heard and the carer has a better understanding of what helps. Also a constant reminder that you are their if they need anything and that they are loved. These opinions are just mine from observng and learning. It’s not easy and I’m no longer in the middle of being a carer so write this one step removed. 

[Daphne]

@Adge Sorry to hear that, I hope you were able to get some support from others that know you well.

[Daphne]

@Teej Yeah I think communicating is key. Asking what people need and expressing your own needs is really important.

[Lauz]

Wonderful insight @Teej from both sides there - more great ideas to add to strategies/toolbox! ✨

[Fracturedlight]

@Daphne Yes I have the most amazing family and friends. That's the hardest thing too because it's hard to look at the people you love the most and see the hurt in their eyes when you do finally drop the walls down. Vulnerability is the most painful thing. I usually just shut down. I think the biggest thing is it is so vitally important that when someone finally gets to that vulnerable place and starts talking that listening to hear rather than respond is critical...

thank you to all the loved ones, carers, volunteers especially on here and lifeline you guys are incredible and life saving ❤

[Adge]

Thanks @Daphne No I didn't.

I live on my own, with no friends nearby.

Seeing my psychologist was essentially my only support.

Adge

[Daphne]

It can feel really terrible when a loved one is resistant to help or doesn’t want to access support that you may feel could be helpful. The sense of helplessness can be overwhelming and just having to sit with that feeling of helplessness can be frustrating. This is a time when it is important to practice separating what are your needs and what are your loved ones need, what is your anxiety and what is theirs. When your sitting in this helpless state it can be useful to focus on what you can control and what you cant. Often you will come to recognise that you can only really manage what is happening for you in that very moment. Mindfulness strategies help you to stay in the present and are useful in you connecting with yourself.

[Daphne]

And thank-you @Fracturedlight for your vulnerability and acknowledgement of family and carers. Sometimes your pain can be a gift and it is that vulnerability that provides connection. I think what you said about being responsive and just listening is so spot-on. Sometimes we all just have to sit in it together, and listen without having the answers.

[Adge]

I find Breathing meditation (incorporating Mindfulness) very helpful @Daphne

Practicing Mindfulnes right in the moment, whilst out & about - or whilst being screamed at by one of my Disability clients) - I find much more difficult.

Adge

[Daphne]

Yes @Adge mindfulness is so helpful. Just being present.