Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Lauz and @suzanne for facilitating the discussion and thank you to all who have taken part, whether bystanders or posters, hopefully we will all find something that's come out of this discussion to help carry us forward in some way. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Mazarita I am super glad you were able to reconcile with your family. Both of my parents are deceased and I have no idea where my siblings are (nor do I want to know). 

I agree that there is a biological component to bipolar, but the fact that so many people diagnosed with it also have a trauma history is still inescapable. I definitely don't pretend to have the answer - but I do wish that as a society we weren't so obsessed with the medical model. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @suzanne

I know I’m late, but regarding some of your first few posts about PTG and support.

As a young adult I was always told that I was ‘older than my age (wiser?). I was / am less concerned about consequences others might worry about, both in a positive and negative way. Hard to describe.

Regarding support. I did have support. I have a childhood best friend and we were there for each other as we went through our own childhood trauma. During my trauma in adolescence I was mainly supported by good teachers, and my friends parents. I met my husband in my late teens and he supported me during my adult trauma, and now.

I think support is important. I didn’t always receive appropriate support, ie my friends parents gave me a bottle of the top shelf as they didn’t know what else to do, but in the end, yes they were there for me, the situations were too extreme to deal with.

I think what helped me cope was being a black-and-white thinker. There’s either death or survival and I literally mean that. When people ask me what’s the worst outcome / or cope ahead, I will analyse and get to - worst outcome? Death. Everything else must be better, right? Black and white thinking is an issue now though. Especially when it comes to my own worthiness to be alive.

I think comparing my suffering to the suffering in the world also helped survive. I was brought up with that. Spread your suffering through the world (don’t know how to translate that). I struggle with that in self compassion, where I’m supposed to acknowledge my own suffering, acknowledge suffering is part of life - if it’s part of life, why am I whinging?

Ok, I’m well confused now, so I will do something different.

Great topic, but very confusing.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Lauz and @suzanne for the PTG discussion tonight.  I wasnt able to be here throughout, but have just finished reading it all through.  It has reminded me of what I read in the book my psych lent me a few years ago to read.  I dont recall the name of the book, but it was a book about PTSD, which had a couple of chapters about PTG in it.  Reading your posts Suzanne, has brought back what I learned, and subsequently forgot, from then. 

Like a number of participants here I experienced a major trauma 22 years ago, anniversary next week in fact.  And then I have experienced domestic abuse from a couple of years after that, which is ongoing.  And I think I technically have C-PTSD.  Even though there is not an official diagnosis of that according to the DSM, or whatever it is.  But I think C-PTSD is generally attached to someone who experiences long term or ongoing trauma.  My initial trauma occurred as a young adult.  And yes, it has most definitely changed my life, my world.  But has there been any benefits (growth) as a result of my traumas?  Yes perhaps so.  I'm much more understanding and patient of other people's struggles now.  I'm empathetic of others, often far too much so for my own good. Although I could argue that I have always been that way.  I don't know, even as an adult when I first experienced trauma, its still very hard to tell if I have had any PTG.  Mind you, I think I am still recovering from trauma.  Maybe the growth is yet to come?

Anyway, an interesting discussion, and I thank everyone for your insight and for trusting others with your stories.  Yes it has been a somewhat triggering experience.  So take care everyone.

Sherry

[soul]

Hey @Bubbles3 - hope you're okay. I stepped back from the conversation because it was a bit upsetting.

I also agree that during the course of a forum, things can get pretty confusing. Sometimes it's like there are ten conversations going on at once.

Come back and read through the pages when you are ready if you want to. Sometimes even going through it in small doses is a good idea.

I haven't figured out the best way to deal with trauma. Is it to face it head on and delve into it or find things to replace those bad memories? At the moment, I find the latter to be working for me. To regurgitate trauma over and over again seems to upset me. Of course my subconscious mind has other ideas or something will trigger me but I do my best to empower myself and tell myself that I am safe and these things can no longer harm me.

Does good come after a traumatic event? I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I could really have done without the trauma and it hasn't improved my life in any way. I previously stated that I have less fear now (having faced the possibility of what I thought was certain death) but I sometimes think that may also be because I value my life less than I used to. I am now more blaise about it more than anything.

So that's probably not a healthy thing.   

[Bubbles3]

Thanks @soul.

[greenspace]

I think that makes sense for people who've had normal ups and downs in life, and reached adulthood without stopping and questioning their beliefs and vakues.

For someone with developmental trauma, who has spent most of their life questioning and doubting themselves and the world around them, I don't think another trauma would necessarily be an impetus to growth