Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Fine thanks, had a Gumtree spend today, a steal outdoor setting. Chairs Just need seat boards... so i picked up pine decking on my way home.

[Former-Member]

@Zed1 - have our introduced yourself on the forums? What brings you here? Just read a few of your helpful posts to others, Are you ok yourself?

[Emelia8]

Just dropping in to say hello to you this morning @Former-Member  

Hope you are doing okay 🤗💕

In response to your comment yesterday ... actually patience is NOT one of my virtues. 😇 And I'm very sorry to hear that you are finding it difficult to stay in touch here.

Hello and welcome @Zed1 .. like EOR, I have seen a number of very supportive and helpful posts to members on several threads yesterday.  Good to have you here.

Emelia 🌸

[Former-Member]

😞

[Zed1]

Hi @Emelia8 

Thank you for the welcome, I hopefully will be around a bit more to offer a listening ear to anyone that it is needed.

Thank you

[Emelia8]

My pleasure @Zed1  😀

I have been keeping an eye out for any new threads of yours, or an Intro thread post, but nothing so far. I guess Im just interested to know what brought you to the forums. But no pressure ... all in good time, and only when you're ready to share. I do hope to continue seeing you around, as you offer a listening ear and deliver sound and caring advice to those who need it.

How are you @Former-Member ?  💕

Emelia 🌸

[Adge]

(((( @Former-Member ))))

That means Hugs - I think you already knew it meant that.

Adge

[Former-Member]

Hi @Emelia8 and @Adge ((((hugz)))) back at Yas 💙 how are tasks - please tag me in with your updates now and then. I'm ok but had a big nothing day (not much done) but guess I did do the dishes and cooked a proper meal (fish & veg) and an old friend rang which was nice. I've blocked any and all contact with my relatives and confusing people for now, an indefinate time, as can't handle it anymore and maybe there really is little mutual benefit to be gained anymore in trying. They don't care about me.
S1 tx me an fyi msg today,vthat he has really bad asthmavtjis last 24hrs,v today (after kicking up dust moving house on the weekend I'm guessing) flipped off my concern + suggestion he needs to see dr for some extra meds... think he just wants me to worry, so I covered basis my tx msgs (as a nurse, and a mum) and gave him to God. I just got no emotional energy left. Like with my dad,. Can't save everyone. There's so many other forces involved. No news is good news.
Having a lot of memories resurfacing, some good, though all memories of my girl still hurts, a lot... that she's not here, but also sirens, they seem so loud around here, at least X5 today - gives me flashbacks... its torture. I have nowhere to go with this but distraction or sleep. Kinda part of life for me I guess.
With posting pics, Don't know why or how it is that I can't post pictures on all but one thread on the forums, very weird. I can only presume I'm barred for some unknown reason. Makes me sad. Gotts practice to just not care how I'm treated.
Anyway, I'm really good on the whole I guess: safe, warm fed, furbaby love and talk with Jesus a lot more than usual... 'tis well with my soul - thanks for asking. 💙

[Emelia8]

Dear @Former-Member 💕

On the most part you sound reasonably good.  I'm glad, because you didnt sound so good last week.  👍😊

Sorry to hear of sons asthma.  Can lead a horse to water, but cannot make him drink.  You can only suggest, and if he chooses not to take your advice (as a concerned mum and trained nurse) then so be it.  

Thats really sad EOR that you are in a place where you often hear sirens.  It must be very triggering for you, and the memories clearly remain very painful for you.  Always will no doubt.  But I am glad that at least some of the memories which come to mind for you are good ones of your lost little girl.  I have lots of beautiful memories of my lost little 11yo niece also.  5 days time is the 5th anniversary of her death in the car accident.  It continues to hurt, that tragic loss.  And if it hurts this bad for me (merely her auntie) then I simply cannot imagine how much it must hurt you, to have lost your dear little daughter.  The pain of loss never leaves us, but at least more good memories slowly take over some of the bad stuff.

I have no idea why you are unable to post pictures on some threads.  Although I have heard other members say from time to time that they are having difficulty in posting pictures to some threads.  Seems to be a random thing.  I dont believe it would be targetted at you specifically.  Why ever would it?  You post some really great pictures .. when you're able to.  But I do know how it feels to believe you are being treated unfairly or differently to others, for no reason.  All I can suggest is that you keep trying to post to some of those threads, and maybe the glitch will iron out eventually.

So glad you have a safe home, a doting furbaby and your faith in Jesus/God to sustain you and feed your soul.  Everyone deserves that.

Early night for me now, I must go.  Talk again soon my friend.  Yes I will tag you into my thread next time I update. Though I havent posted there in a while.

PS:  Nice to see the more familiar EOR profile picture back up again.  😊

Emelia 💕

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Emelia8, you put so much into your replies. Guess It doesn't really matter what I feel being (all over the place) what matters function and control of thoughts - what to focus on... and that's the hard part. My brain obcess over the inexcusable rejection stand by my sister... i just don't understand it. Guess she has so much theres no room for me. Not being invited to her son's wedding recently was the final blow. I've give up trying. She's right "what sister!" What she says to others about me now applies to her. Living losses are harder to settle I guess, still hope maybe but it's what she wants, and hey, maybe I really don't have anything to offer her anymore. I've deminished so much for her since meeting mr W, but especially since my girl died. That one kills me slowly, but my sister's vindictiveness... being attacked... that's a whole new level of grief... basically being told the excruciating pain you feel is your OWN fault for not being good enough, unacceptable, unlovable... I never wanted to hurt my sister,vthough even my breakdowns and withdrawal have been seen that way, so, well, maybe she is better off without me, if she can't see past those times... and I her. I'm moving on... but it hurts still. Kinda weird this treating people wsvif their already dead, but it's an eventual reality I guess.
Anyway,
I got washiing needs doing today. Looks nice out.