Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Jayboy]

Hello,
I am new to these forums having stumbled upon them whilst googling for info. My story is not unique. I married my childhood sweetheart and we have been together for 27 years. Approximately 14 years ago DH had a major breakdown. We had a babe in arms and a toddler at the time. He would come home from work and take all the pictures of the walls looking for cameras and was convinced that the street lights were cameras. His conspiracy theories were worthy of the big screen. I was able to get him hospitalised and with medication and therapy he slowly recovered. As often happens he stopped medication after about a year because he felt well, and was well, up until approx 3 years ago when he had a relapse. He wasn't hospitalised even though I believed he needed it. He accessed our savings account and spent the lot on mail order DNA testing for our kids (I didn't find out till later). They all came back saying he was their Dad but he didn't believe it so he kept trying other companies. He didnt think I had had an affair, he thought a prince had artificially inseminated me - long story. Anyway we got him back on medication and he was seeing a phycologist but his recovery was much slower. He is still on meds but does not have a health care team other than his GP (who he only sees to get new scripts). Just lately I sense a change in his mood and sleeping habits, and I am concerned that he is heading for another episode. He is very reluctant to talk about his illness, and the doctors have been reluctant to formally diagnose him. To my knowledge he is schizophrenic and when he is symptomatic he has massive trust issues with everyone but me. My question is, how can I put together a good holistic health care team that will take the time to get to know him and build a positive relationship? And how do I question him about how he's feeling without getting the usual "I'm fine" answer. If he is on the way to another episode, I want to get him help before it gets really serious.... What do I do next to help him?? Sorry for the long post.

[Former-Member]

Hello Jayboy, and welcome to the forums.

I am one of a large team of moderators accross Australia, here to support our community.

Specifically, I work for an organisation called MIFQ.  We, along with many of the other orgtanisations here online as SANE moderators provide a range of one on one and group based supports for community members with a lived experience of Mental Illness, their family and Carer's. 

I am wondering if there may be a local organisation/organisations available in your location?

PIR (Partners In Recovery) are a helpful startpoint in many regions, as they have are funded nationally, and have access to information accross their catchment areas. 

http://www.pirinitiative.com.au/index_public.php  

Good luck jayboy 

[NikNik]

Hi @Jayboy

It's always a tricky situation when we feel our loved one becoming unwell, but they don't want to take the step to seek help, or they can't see they are becoming unwell.

It's great you want to be prepared. The PIR (Partners In Recovery) link that JumpinJojo provided, is a great start. Basically your local PIR (or some are called Primary Health Networks - PHN) connect you in with local community based organisations, such as MIF (Mental Illness Fellowship - which they have a branch of in most states).

Some tips I've seen from other carers about approaching a loved one to question how they're feeling include:

- Keeping it simple and asking on a scale of 1-10 how they're feeling. That way they don't have to go into too much detail or talk about their emotions too much. It gives you a quick snap shot of how they are travelling and if you ask every day or two you will get an indication when they feel themselves getting worse or better.

- Approach them with your observations. So rather than asking how they are feeling, state some factual observations you have noticed ie: 'I have noticed your sleeping patterns have changed -is there anything I can do to help?'

- When they are well, develop a plan with them. So it might be something like 'When your sleeping habits change, then I will make you an appointment with...' and have all the steps agreed upon, so you can take action as soon as you notice anything.

In our 'Your questions answered' section of SANE there is a great question about being a carer, which has been answered by someone with a mental illness, a carer and someone from the SANE Help Centre. These different perspectives might be helpful too. You can find it here.

I think it's great you are being so proactive. I hope you're taking some time out for yourself through all this. 

Take care.

[Jayboy]

Thanks so much for your replies! I truly appreciate it and will look into your suggestions 🙂

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Jayboy, just touching base - how are things with hubby?

[Jayboy]

Hi CherryBomb, Thanks so much for asking 🙂 He is actually doing really well and the signs I was seeing have decreased. I took on some of the advice and was able to have a really good talk to him without him getting defensive. He was on some pretty heavy pain medication leading up to me writing that post and I am wondering if it was perhaps messing with his other medication. I have a very stressful job myself, but do what I can to keep things really peaceful and stress free at home, but perhaps my stress was also a factor. Fingers crossed that it has sorted itself out. I think this forum is fantastic, as sometimes people like me just need to connect with people who understand, and have a bit of a meltdown of our own 😉