Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

I found out, from a third party, that my ex has a boyfriend. I haven't seen her since.

For the past couple of days, I have been melting down. Just getting out of it today.

I talked to my therapist about it, and I talked about the reasons why part of me is happy for her.

• She already has a baby, so the fact that he's willing to be there for her knowing that is so sweet.
• Last year, she got out of a long relationship with a guy who really wasn't worth her attention.
• Falling in love is inherently really cute.

Unfortunately, though, it's not that simple.

I don't think I can go back to work again. I see her all the time. I want to congratulate her, but I don't think I can do that without feeling really bad about it too.

Apparently finding out that your ex has moved on is always one of the most painful aspects of break-ups, even if you "should" be happy. No-one else has this problem, but no-one else is in quite the same position you're in.

Still, I feel a little bit ashamed that my ex getting together with someone had such a profound effect on me.

Beyond that, I was wondering whether I should say goodbye or write her a letter when I leave. Someone said that she would feel bad if she knew I left because of her.

Would she, though?

Part of me says yes, but part of me just wants to leave without saying anything, because she won't appreciate it and you have to respect yourself.

Again, though, I don't know why I should take on that attitude. Why can't I just be nice to her?

Just going to quickly tag the people that interacted with my post about this.

@Clawde 

@LostAngel 

@saltandpepper 

[wellwellwellnez]

Wow. You have a lot of echoes with my stories. I'm still working on this. But my shorthand answer is, you have to love yourself more than you hate the rejection. That's the road from coping to dealing. After that things get clear enough to actually process (plus less general external static. It's win win.)